Is it necessary to be happy?

[BlackOnBlack]

I have suffered with depression for most of my life, but was only diagnosed a couple of years ago. For as long as I can remember, its been a rough ride.

All through my life, and even after being diagnosed, people tell me to "cheer up", "smile", or "be happy" - as if it is that easy. Being happy seems a big ask at the moment. I'm not even sure what that would feel like.

Lately I have been asking myself - is it necessary to be happy, or is it enough not to be miserable - at least not all of the time?

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this, and how you cope/react to being told to "cheer up".

[Zeal]

Hi BlackOnBlack,

This is a thought-provoking post!

These comments to 'cheer up' that people make are unhelpful. It's hard for some people to understand this though, if they have never had depression themselves or read about it.

Expecting to be happy all of the time usually leads to disappointment. I feel that it's more important to be content and at peace. If there were no periods of sadness, then there wouldn't be as stark a contrast with joy and happiness. Without the context of other emotional states, happiness would not be as significant.

Do you currently see your GP about the depression, or a mental health professional?

Best wishes,

Zeal

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi BlackOnBlack,

Thanks for your post.

This is a pretty interesting question so I'm interested to read everyone's thoughts on it. Happiness is kind of a mystery in that lots of people try and understand what it is and if we can ever really 'achieve it'.

Most of the stuff I've read and seen (like documentaries) say that happiness is never a goal; but a state of mind. Zeal mentioned contentment which is a pretty good way to be. For me happiness looks like flow. When I'm happy, I'm caught up with what I'm doing and kind of immersed in it. Doesn't matter what it is but I'm thinking about just that. I'm not always laughing or even smiling; I might be immersed in a book for instance. Time can often pass me by where as when I'm depressed it goes so slowly.

I read a lot of self-help books and lots of them say 'achieve happiness' like it's some kind of award you get when you work hard enough. I think that it messes with our heads a bit because it can make us think that we're living the wrong way if we don't smile and laugh enough.

As for being told to cheer up, I hate it. It's something that I've heard often along with others of my favourites like "It's not that bad", "Could be worse", "Don't worry about it". When I hear it I have to remind myself that they are just trying to help. Most of the time people have good intentions even if it comes across as unhelpful. From what I've seen people who say this sort of stuff are often people who have never experienced depression so they've never known what it's like to be in our shoes. Depending on the person and how I'm feeling that day, sometimes I'll just stay quiet and other times I'll joke about it to deflect how I'm feeling. Just last week someone said "Don't worry" and I replied "okay! I won't! Thank you for that advice!". Everyone's different though and I don't think that there's a right or wrong way to respond.

Hope that this helps 🙂

[blondguy]

Hello BOB

Great thread and replies above too

I really hear you on 'Cheer Up' and similar phrases. Ive had anxiety/depression since 1983 and in the 12 months I have been on Beyond Blue Ive never seen them here. (Thank goodness)

People are trying to care for us by saying these 'empty phrases' but it can be annoying.

I think that feeling happy is a key to all round good health especially as our bodies release endorphins etc that assist with a healthy immune system....and does provide some relief from mental illness.

Ive never met a person that is happy all of the time like yourself. Being human we are all flawed in one way or another.

Great thread topic Black.

kind thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

hi BlackOnBlack, a very good question, but how can someone suffering from any type of disease or illness ever be 'happy' all the time, it's impossible we all know this, and we can never be conned into believing this at any time, we simply can't be.
There is not one person who can claim they are happy 24/7, and if they say so, then they aren't telling you the truth, they are just pretending, and for you or anybody else who has any problem, whether it be facing an operation, or waiting for the doctor's verdict or knowing that suddenly your life has changed so much that you feel depressed, you simply can't be happy.
Sure you can put on a fake face smiling and laughing with other people, but this is only a facade, realise that you do need help, and dismiss those people who try and make you happy, it can't be done until you are able to face the truth that help is needed. Geoff..

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome BonB;

I was at my mum's house one day when suddenly she jumped up, took her top and bottom teeth out and began prancing round the lounge room singing; "Don'th worry...Be happy. (btw, that's 'don't' with a toothless lisp) Do do do do do la de da, la de da, la de da" She looked like a pork chop on parade!!

(Did you just grin? hmm..maybe not)

At first I thought she was mocking me, but then she stopped and pointed directly at me and yelled; "Sthee; made ya sthmile!!" ...I smiled...did you? (Actually, I nearly wet myself laughing)

Watching us being miserable is so hard for our loved one's. When we see/hear a baby cry, it brings out the clown or nurturer in us. We're still children to our parents, as ours are to us.

That grin you just had on your face? (I hope) That's happiness...a tiny few seconds of reprieve from the madness; that's all it takes...as individual as fingerprints.

For me, having 1 min's peace from anxiety and panic was irreplaceable; seeing my son smile is priceless; watching as the lady next door's underpants elastic broke, then waddling to her front door...a Kodak moment worth remembering. If I add up all those moments, I wasn't miserable 'all the time' now was I? There were times for my kind of happiness.

These days? I haven't had panic or anxiety in a month. Imagine how freakin' happy-scrum-didiley-umptious I feel!!!! Never take anything for granted...

Wishing you all your kind of happy... (didiley)

Sara xo (Ned F)

[Quiettall]

I also question whether one can be happy all the time. I like the comment that you are happy (sort of) when you are caught up in what you are doing, so long as it is positive and progressive. It is good to be happy but not complacent. What I mean by that is that I am happy with my general life circumstances, my economic situation, generally my health, my relationships etc. But I have a nagging need to do more and share what I have and do more for others...only because I believe that I am one of the "lucky" ones who has everything he needs in life generally, and so to sit on my butt and just say I am happy, and the world can go hang, is selfish and insular in thinking.

Maybe its me, maybe its my training, maybe its my exposure to real poverty...I dont know...but I get a real buzz to share and see that someone else gains for themselves through what I share...I dont need plaudits or recognition...just the inner feeling that something I have done contributes positively to the life of someone else.