Ignored

[Latrodectus91]

This is my first thread. I guess I'm just feeling like crap, because pretty much everyone I know ignores me. Not that I'd talk to them about the way I feel anyway, because it seems like they wouldn't care if I did.

Don't get me wrong, I don't sit there and prod people to feel sorry for me or anything. This is when I make general conversation. I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything that could justify people treating me like I don't exist.

So I have this friend that I used to be really close to. We're both female. I met her in high school and she's my best friend, although considering the way she treats me, I don’t know why I call her that. We were really close in highschool, closer then I was with my own sister.

She had a bad homelife or atleast that's what I gathered. She was always very secretive. Anyway, she basically lived at my house at some points.

It was always a strange friendship. It was like I was always trying to gain her approval and I was like her lapdog or something. I'd do anything for her, try to protect her. I loved her so much, I just wanted her to be happy.

She could be mean sometimes, insulting me in front of other people. Hell, she kicked me in the shin in front of a bunch of people once. Wow, you're thinking, why would you ever want to be near someone like that? It's hard to explain but she was really charming and intelligent as well. She made me feel loved but also like I was a walking piece of human excrement at the same time. It was weird.

Over the years though we drifted appart from time to time, as you do. I got a girlfriend. Other then that though neither of our lives advanced much. She would also do this thing were she would just completely drop off the face of the earth and no one would hear from her for, damn, years even.

We've been in contact allot more the last few years, usually because I push and push until she starts talking to me again. It also tends to be when she needs something, or I'll coax her by offering to share.

Anyway, its gotten to the point where she's blatantly ignoring me again. My sister is also ignoring me, which is less usual. Although we don't talk much in general and she's a pretty busy person. Although, she seems to have time to post stupid things on Facebook apparently.

I feel like crap. These people that I love don't even care enough to reply to a message. They don't even try to hide it. It's like they want me to know I mean nothing to them. Or they just don't care if I know...

[Chloe_M]

Hi Latrodectus91,

Welcome! I am glad that you got up the courage to post here... it is very scary I'm sure you'll agree.

I understand what you mean- you want to tell people you love and trust how you feel but you can't because they ignore you. If you think you haven't done anything to receive this treatment, then I doubt that you have. Its their problem if they are not accepting you for who you are. You don't need to change for them.

I'm not going to judge you for being close to her. Like when you said "Wow, you're thinking, why would you ever want to be near someone like that?" I'm not going to judge you for being 'attracted' to her (in a friend way). Everyone is attracted to different personalities. I'm not going to say you're a bad person for choosing her.

On the occasion that you talk when she doesn't need something or you're not offering to share, is it her who initiates conversations or you? You need to look at who in the relationship makes the most effort. Is it her? Is it you? I feel like its you. A really healthy relationship (whether its a friendship, family or romantic relationship) is balanced. With my best friend, its usually me who makes the most effort over text because he's a guy and can only manage single word responses unless its important. He makes more effort in person because I am very depressed atm and find it hard to talk. We balance each other out.

If she's ignoring you again, then I believe that you need to take a long hard think about your friendship with her. How does she benefit from this friendship? Is she using you and then 'dumping' you when you she isn't in need of you any longer? Also consider yourself. Is this 'friendship' causing you too much stress/anxiety/depression etc? What's in it for you? How are her actions affecting your mental health?

I'm running out of characters so i'll finish here, I hope that helped you. Please, if you need to vent/cry/laugh/chat, post again and I will check this thread to see if you have. I will also keep an eye out for you on other threads should you go exploring and post elsewhere.

Have a good night. I am here for you x

Chloe

[Latrodectus91]

Hello Chloe_M and thank you for replying. It is a bit scary, it takes a while to think of what to say aswell.

As for my friend, I will admit that I do seem to be the one putting in all the effort. Especially these days. I did get angry once and I was able to express too her how I think that she doesn't really care and a whole bunch of other stuff. She ignored me of course, but later I heard through my girlfriend talking to her boyfriend, that she'd been crying and saying that she still loved me and wanted to be friends.

Everything she ever dose seems to suggest the contrary though... Honestly sometimes I think that I should just stop talking to her and move on. The hitch is, I can't forget about her. Believe me, I've tryed and when I do I always end up thinking about her. Even dream about her. Which is entirely ridiculous.

We went through allot of crazy stuff when we where teens. When we where teens we would get into a bit of mischief. I even beat up a fully grown man when I was 16 because he was threatening her. I'm not proud of it now, although I was at the time.

I dunno, I feel like I just can't let go after all that time and crazyness. I mean I always end up thinking about her in the end, even at times when I've tryed just not worrying about it. I admit that it would probably be alot better for me if we both went our seperate ways. It's just really hard for me to exept that things are never going to be like they used to.

[Chloe_M]

Latrodectus91 maybe you need to 'move on' and leave her. She certainly sounds like she is using you and if she's giving you mixed signals about her feelings towards you, the I think you should distance yourself from her. Even if you don't completely break off the friendship, try and ease it off a little bit. That might make it easier.

You're having dreams about her? That's not abnormal. You might think it's weird, but if she dominates your thoughts most of that, then your brain might be thinking about her at night too.

You've been through a lot together. But change is sometimes good. Refreshing even. You may have spent your whole life hung up on her when there's another person wanting to be your friend who you never noticed.

Kind regards,

chloe 🙂