I want to give up

[smidgen]

I'm new here. Female, early 50's. I feel like a prisoner, hopeless. I don't want to try. It's too complicated. It's too hard. So tired. Don't know why I writing this. Maybe wondering if anyone has felt like me and escaped this prison.

[smidgen]

Hi Dory, "just keep swimming", I did like Finding Nemo but haven't seen the sequel.

I've had a bit of a look around the forum, so much going on, kind of overwhelming so I'll just take my time.

[White_Rose]

Hello Smidgen

I was looking at your earlier posts where you said you were often bored. I know you are not keen on leaving your home but it does restrict your activities. And having no transport of your own also restricts you. What about public transport, can you get around easily with that?

It's always difficult for shy people to join a group that has been going for a while. But look, you are writing in here. I know it's not a face to face situation but you have written clearly and obviously spent time in research. I don't know if there is one near you but have you considered helping out at an animal refuge? Animals can be very good company and respond well to kindness. Might be worth checking what's around. These places usually have their own web sites.

Good idea to look around the forum. There are so many threads on different topics so feel free to jump into the conversation. It's always good to have a different opinion or observation. There is plenty to explore starting at the home page looking under the drop down lists.

Mary

[smidgen]

Hi Mary

I do have access to public transport and taxis and I can walk.

You have the same idea as my psychologist re helping animals. We've explored that and there is a possibility but I don't feel able to move forward with that yet.

[White_Rose]

Hello Smidgen

What better endorsement of my suggestion that your psych? 😊

When you feel able to investigate the animal shelter will be time enough.

I need to be away for a short while. I will ask a couple of others to talk with you if that's OK. I'm sure Dory will continue the conversation.

Mary

[smidgen]

Thanks Mary, that's OK.

[White_Rose]

Hello Smidgen

I am so sorry no one has written to you while I was away. I have dropped in to the forum for a quick look a couple of times and I find I am more able to write here again. So my apologies for not being here.

How have you been? What's been happening in your world? Love to get a news report from you. 😊

How are your sessions going with the psychologist?

Mary

[smidgen]

Hi Mary

Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for the apology, I understand that you might need to take a break. I also understand how easy it must be to get overlooked on this forum. There's so much going on. How long have you been coming here?

So nothing really happening with me. Same old struggles. Some days better than others. Just keep taking baby steps. Fall down and get back up again. I've seen my psych again and I've got some homework to do. See her again in a month as she's taking a break.

How are you?

[White_Rose]

Hello Smidgen

I have been writing on BB for three years. I started my own thread because I was so miserable and then I started to answer other people's posts. I found it incredibly helpful to know others were struggling with the same difficulties as me. To be able to understand how someone was feeling and to be able to offer them support and sometimes suggestions really helped me.

I was invited to join the Community Champions group later that year. That was such an incredible honour and I have been writing here ever since.

It doesn't mean I am 'cured', sadly I think I will have some form of depression or vulnerability all my life. What I have learned is to manage my thoughts and emotions and to recognise when they are getting a bit wonky. It's important to do that before we slip back down the dark road. Not that I am always able to do that but I have several support people who will listen to me and help me back on my feet. This includes my GP without whom I think I would be truly lost.

The past month or so has been very difficult for several reasons and in the end I decided to press the pause button on BB and concentrate on getting myself back together. I believe I am back on track. I find writing on BB helpful because much of the time I feel I am writing to myself as well as the person asking the questions. This is one aspect of depression that is useful, being able to empathise with others and give them a lift over the hard places.

Baby steps and falling over is familiar as is getting up again and moving forward. I take an antidepressant to help me though the day. Initially I really fought against taking meds. Then I trialled many different ADs with out much success. The AD I take now is suits me and help to smooth out my emotions. It's not a cure in itself but it is an amazing stabilising factor. I have come to understand it's role in my life and become far less anxious about taking meds.

It's a nuisance when our medical people take a holiday. 😊 What are you working on for your homework if I may ask?

Mary

[smidgen]

I'll try to explain my homework. It's about "Common Biases in Thinking" which are explained under the titles

All or nothing thinking

Over-Generalisation

Mislabelling

Mental Filtering

Jumping to conclusions

Mind-reading

Emotional Reasoning

Perfectionism

Each represents a type of negative thinking and belief. I have to decide which apply to me and give an example from my experience. Then I write down evidence that supports the thought or belief and also evidence that does not support the thought/belief. Then I write down alternative thoughts or beliefs which more accurately reflect reality. So it's a process of challenging my thinking so that I should feel better.

[White_Rose]

Hello Smidgen

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), I know it well and have tried the process you describe. I found it incredibly difficult to decide the difference in some of the classifications. And because I didn't believe my thinking was wrong I could never find any evidence that did not support belief. Selective thinking I think it's called. 😊

It was even harder to find alternative thoughts. Well actually I didn't find it hard to find alternatives. I could always do this but refused because in my opinion they were not true. Psychiatrist was not that good and he let me stop trying after a couple of sessions. Actually I think he didn't believe in it and much preferred his own school of thought which was to let me talk until I found the answer myself. It paid more for him. (Wash your mouth out)

I hope you are not going to the same man. 😊

Now I have thoroughly depressed you, how is it going. BTW I do believe now that if I had persevered with CBT I would be a lot better off. I know I can do it most of the time but it's good to have someone agree that I've got it right.

It is a good idea to challenge your own thinking, especially when you feel you are spiralling down. Stopping to question yourself can be a great help. I look forward to hearing your progress.

Mary