I think i am getting better

[guest75]

As most of you know, my biggest problem since depression got a hold of me has been anger.  My mood would swing towards anger over the smallest things, and i said some horrible things to both my partner and the kids.  I have been on anti-depressants for nearly 5 weeks now,

Last night my mother and I had gotten some tea and my sister asked us to grab her a bottle of wine from the drive thru.  When we get there another car had pulled in just before us, got to the service area turned the car off and all the occupants get out.  They spend the next 15 minutes looking around for what they wanted, while we are stuck in the car waiting.  This is a situation where i normally would have gotten very frustrated and angry, however, my very mild mannered calm mother was the one getting angry and i remained the calm the whole time and told her to chill out and relax.  i think the medication is really working and stopping my moods swinging.  Before the depression got a hold of me, i was different, i didnt get angry like i have over the past few years.  i think im returning to who i was.  if only i could tell Tara, this might all go away, she might see i am changing for the better

I am still struggling with anxiety, my stomach is constantly churning, like i feel something is going to go wrong,  I cant make it stop, only when my mind is distracted does it stop, but as soon as i stop my mind goes straight back to stressing.  Only 10 days to go and at least I will know whats going on, for better or for worse

[Scott_Depression]

Hi Mattyj

Congratulations on getting the help you needed!

I’ve been using anti-depressants and a mood stabiliser for a number of years and it’s great to feel much more in control!

I do have one question about one sentence “if only i could tell Tara, this might all go away, she might see i am changing for the better” – is this your partner? 

If it is, suggest you tell her.  Keep in mind that depression comes about in our minds only because our brains aren’t getting the right chemicals at the right times i.e. it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about – no different to a diabetic needing to take insulin to regulate blood sugars!

Glad you’re feeling everything is moving in the right direction

Cheers

Scott

[Neil_1]

Hey Matty

Way to go fella ... that is such a huge positive ... I was reading and was going to cringe with fear as to what might have taken place, but then the subject heading was kind of a spoiler alert as to how it was going to pan out.

But huge congrats to you and not only that, but to then have the strength to then get your mum to relax in that situation also.

From your time on here to how you are now, you have in my eyes shown a big progression forward.  Only time will tell for what pans out on the 21st ... and there'll be so many of us here awaiting the news on that when it comes around.

The anxiety feelings really do suck ... I'm hearing you loud and clear with how you described your anxiety.  And it is damn awful to experience.  Keep up with the distractions, but you know that gets to be an effort as well, because after doing that for a while, and i guess it depends on what you've been doing, but gym sessions, fitness outside, or even gardening ... they're all taxing on the system and then when you stop to relax, BANG, it's there again.

Cheers my friend

Neil

[geoff]

dear Matty, that's terrific and the reply from our well esteemed co responder Neil is right.

There are so many people who come to this site from being person ZXC to being a changed person, and your post well and truly indicates this.

Matty your anxiety will still be there because you are anxious of the outcome in 10 days time, and that's only natural, and why wouldn't you feel like this, but you have to remember that you have been tested and you came through with flying colours.

So if for any reason you begin to feel agitated, take your memory back to the drive in bottle shop, and please refrain from saying 'stuff it', because now that's out of your vocabulary, sorry mate just had to put that in. Geoff.

[Jo3]

Hi Matty

Well done for controlling your anger.  Of course you will still feel anxious and nervous about the 21st but remember you have all of us here thinking of you and supporting you.  You are not alone.

Matty, I so hope that everything goes well for you.  You have changed and even if it's small changes they are still changes and positive and better changes.  

Keep fighting, take care

Jo

[guest75]

Hi Scott

I cant tell her unfortunately, as at the start of December she took an intervention order out against me where I cant contact her by any means.  This is a temp order and goes to court on the 21st of this month where she also has my children listed.

She told my mother when she was collecting some of my belongings that she didnt want to do this, DHS made her because of my moods, and that as long as i get myself sorted by the 21st everything will return to normal.

I am doing everything i can think of to improve myself, so fingers crossed for the 21st, i hope and prey she meant what she said to my mother coz that little ray of hope is all that has been getting me thru the last 6 or so weeks

[guest75]

Hi Neil and Geoff

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.  I really do feel like i am getting better, i just hope Tara (and the magistrate) can see it too.

The anxiety is bad at the min, every minute i am thinking about "what happens if" in regards to the 21st.

[Scott_Depression]

Hi again Mattyj

Sounds like you’re doing everything you need to at this stage – well done!

I’d imagine certainly on the 21st you or your representative will have a chance to make it known to Tara & Magistrate that you’ve made significant steps toward getting yourself sorted.

Re anxiety are you able to try and get into 1 or 2 counselling sessions?  Might be helpful

Keep up the great work!

Kind regards

Scott

[geoff]

dear Matty, DHS made Tara take out the order, but they now have nothing to do with your case, and that's exactly what you need to know, so they won't be at court, and that's even better.

Take your mum with you to court and she can tell the magistrate about the incident at the drive in bottle shop, so that's a base to start on, and anyone else who you know that can support you then take them.

If you both have any lawyers then try and get them to make a deal before you go inside the court room, so then the magistrate will go by both of them.

Keep posting. Geoff.

[Scott_Depression]

Hi again Mattyj

Just a short post to let you know I'm around - wondering how you're doing over last 24/48 hours?

Take care

Scott