I really want to be happy.

[Cas221]

I guess I just need to get this off my chest. There's a billion things I could say but, one of them is just being unable to be happy no matter what I do.

I've had severe depression for three years, and I'm fairly sure I had a less severe type of depression before it became severe, I just don't know for how long I had it.

Anyway, I'm rarely excited about anything anymore no matter how hard I try to keep myself happy and busy with things to do. I indulge in activities that I enjoy and even go outside my comfort zone every once in a while but I'm still unhappy.

And I know it's just the depression doing that, I know that if I wasn't depressed I would be more happy and motivated and feel like the doing the things that I know I want to do.

I know nobody can be happy all the time but it just doesn't feel right when I'm unhappy in times where I'd usually be excited or motivated.

Holidays don't make me happy. Events don't make me happy. Buying stuff I really want or playing video games makes me pretend I'm happy but I can't actually feel it. Art used to make me feel imaginative and creative. Even hanging with friends, I feel like I'm not really there. I try sooo hard to be happy or excited or glad etc. about things, but in the end I really don't actually feel any of it.

I guess I really want to also ask if taking medication helps with this feeling or if I'll become more apathetic. I just want to be happy. Really that's all I care about anymore. I want to feel like my life is worth it again.

Any success stories (or even non successful stories) people can share with me? Has anyone started being happy after dealing with severe depression? (I say severe because even some of my depressed friends don't understand me not being happy because they don't have the same severity of depression I guess)

I'm really hoping that seeing a psychiatrist goes well for me. I just need that hope I suppose.

[geoff]

hello Cas, thanks for posting your comment and welcome to the site.
Depression is something no one ever wants to have, unfortunately we don't have a choice whether we get it or not and to what degree, but if not treated then a minor case of depression can accumulate into a much deeper one, that could last for a long time.
Medication is certainly something you and your doctor have to decide on, but normally it's suggested, then combine this with counselling, because one without the other doesn't seem to work.
There maybe some problems with side-effects that's why your doctor will start you off on a low dose so that your body can adjust to it, and then increase the dose as you go along.
With seeing a counsellor/psychologist you need to be to feel as though you can talk freely to them, if this doesn't happen then you won't get to the real problems, simply because you don't feel comfortable in opening up to them, so you must find another one where you can cry if you want to, even laugh at times but certainly feel as though you can open up. Geoff.

[slippery_slope]

Hi Cas,

I may or may not be right but I think depression can be triggered by many things. Chemical imbalance or traumatic event for example. For me, I think my depression is caused by how I think about things, I can be a very negative thinker and a over thinker so there has to be a reason for why I do this. I'm currently in the very early stages of mending my self.

You have realised something doesn't sit right within you and now searching for answers means you are on the right track. That in itself is a fantastic step forward.

Be patient with yourself and never give up on yourself.

[Anton_]

Hi Cass221,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your message is genuine and honest and I would really like to plant a seed for you to cultivate when you are ready. This is a key word in life; readiness. How ready are you to challenge and change your thoughts and how ready are you to start making it happen.

A counsellor or psychologist might help you with this process when you decide that now is the time. Writing here is a good start for you to explore alternatives, read what other people do for their own happiness.

Happiness can be used as a strength for many situations. Some people confuse happiness with pleasure. You can get pleasure temporarily by satisfying bodily needs essential for survival. Happiness is felt and experienced as a holistic approach and it involves actions such as showing gratitude, feeling optimistic, setting goals, having social connections, having meaning and purpose.

In my experience the first thing I learned to practice was gratitude. It is scientifically proven that the more gratitude you show, the more happy you become. Spend some minutes each day reflecting on what you are grateful for. Write it down 3 things each day for better experience. Even the smallest things that happened in you or externally that you are grateful for. It can be life changing. The change doesn't happen over night though, it takes willingness and practice. You will know it when it happens, it will need your effort though.

Watch the video below to get an idea of what gratitude is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj2ofrX7jAk

You can also have a look on Martin Selingman's PERMA theoretical model on happiness and wellbeing. You can fins it online, it will give you another perspective on how to practice happiness:

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/perma-model/

I hope I helped a bit.

Feel free to write back or take your time to feel ready to start exploring new pathways.

Anton