I’m really depressed and I don’t think anybody hears me

[Romaine]

I feel very low and lonely in general, everything feels pointless and I don’t have joy or hope anymore. I think the feeling has just been getting progressively worse over time. I’ve tried to tell people but I don’t feel very heard, I think it’s because it’s really no one else’s problem anyway and other people have their own stuff. I do have a therapist and I am working on things. But I feel incredibly isolated and overwhelmed and lately I’m concerned it’s becoming suicidal ideation. Life is starting to feel like there’s no point to keep living it and I just really don’t want to exist. I haven’t told people (other than my therapist) about the suicidal-ish thoughts because I don’t want to worry them or for them to contact the police or something. Please give me some advice to talk to people or feel less lonely or just get better. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Romaine
 
Welcome back to the Beyond Blue forums, we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post.   We will be reaching out to you privately to offer you some additional support this evening, so if you could check you inbox, that would be great.
 
We can hear just how overwhelmed you are feeling right now and that you feel like nobody is listening but please know no matter what others are going through, you and your experience is just as important.  It's not an easy place to be but you are here and you are truly doing the best with what you have right now, part of that is reaching out to the community this evening, we hope you see the strength and resilience you hold in that.

While you wait for a response to your post, we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat.  In addition, our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Thank you again for reaching out, we will leave you in the hands of our lovely community members who will be here on your thread soon.  As you may already know, they’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Romaine 

I just want you to know you are not alone and it really does feel overwhelming sometimes. I’ve been very similar to you with a depression over recent weeks and I’ve had some suicidal ideation as well.

Like you I tend to think others have their own problems and I’m hesitant to share my own or say if I’m not going ok. But I’m gradually learning it’s ok to do this with people who I know are kind. I think telling someone how you feel is like a pressure release valve that takes some of the stress out of you.

An example of a recent phone conversation with a kind aunty of mine went something like this:

How are you?

Yeah, I’m ok.

So you’re going ok?

Well yeah.

Are you sure?

Well I haven’t been so good lately.

Like depressed?

Yes

…and then I was able to tell her a bit of how I’m feeling and she said “you know we’re always here for you”.

While I didn’t tell her the worst of what I felt, just letting out some of it made things more bearable.

I’ve also used the BB helpline and Lifeline a few times this year. Again that’s been a step for me to reach out which I wouldn’t do in the past. I was able to tell them on a couple of occasions that I was experiencing suicidal ideation (when they asked me about it) but that I didn’t intend to act on it. But I explained the thoughts and feelings I was struggling with. So I can recommend keeping a dialogue going with another human being if you are feeling distressed. On one occasion I got someone who wasn’t so helpful, but then called again in a couple of minutes and got someone really helpful. He just had a very normal, friendly chat with me and it was really stabilising for me. The last call I made she asked what I needed and I said I just needed to chat, and it took the edge off the distress I felt.

So I just want you to know that I really hear how you are feeling. It’s great you have your therapist and you always have the option of helplines and chatting here whenever you feel overwhelmed.

Take care xx

[jaz28]

Hi Romaine,

I am sorry you are going through these feelings, it must be hard for you. Luckily, here at Beyond Blue, we will try to hear you. That is what we are here for. Have you tried calling the helpline (1300 224 636)? That can be really helpful. I am glad you have a therapist, that is a great step in getting better. You are in the dark stage of your recovery right now, but I promise you that things can and will get better and everything will not feel so pointless and empty. It is hard, but you have to hold on to this hope. Your therapist can help you get there. I think telling your friends and family that you have depression could be helpful, it is important they know what is going on with you. But only do what you feel comfortable with, however, talking with people close to you can be really helpful.

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

[livi_mivi]

Hey Romaine, 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much right now. I understand how exhausting and isolating this must all feel. As much as you want someone to talk to, it can be so difficult to do so when you don't feel truly heard. In my experiences, I always found it really difficult to open up to people about how I was feeling due to  being ignored and brushed off when I was younger. It was also something I was embarrassed about - I was supposed to be the happy, go-lucky friend that everyone turned to for support and advice. It got to a point where it was bad and I couldn't hide it anymore and I finally opened up to my best friends and family members. As daunting as it was, the sense of relief I got was incredible. That first conversation is always the hardest - where do you start? what do you say? what do you do if someone reacts weirdly? Perhaps these are good things to discuss with your therapist, who might be able to guide you through these conversations.

Personally, I thought about what I was comfortable sharing and what I wanted to get out of the conversation. Did I want advice? Did I want support? What were things that my friends could do to support me? Some people might feel uncomfortable or not respond in the way that you had hoped for not because they don't care, but because they don't know what to do to help or how to be there for you. I also think having these conversations when you aren't feeling extra vulnerable or down is helpful too so you can get what you need to say out. 

It's great that you are taking these steps towards bettering your mental health and I really hope that you take extra care during this time period. 

[yggdrasil]

Hi Romaine,

Thank you so much for posting on here. It's a really brave step, and sharing your thoughts and feelings will also help others going through similar things, so thank you again. 

I wanted to echo everything everyone else has said so far. If you get to a really dark place (or just need support generally) you can call the Beyond Blue line, Lifeline, or reach out via the other services Sophie_M mentioned. I have called all the numbers she listed at various times, and always found them helpful.

Also, have you ever considered attending an in person peer-support group? For example, ARCVic and ADAVIC have peer support groups in Victoria, and similar services exist elsewhere. I attended such groups for many years, and I felt "seen" and "heard" in these groups in a really deep way. It's a bit scary at first, but you're not forced to talk in such groups - you can just listen if that's what you prefer. I found talking to others going through similar things in these moderated group settings very helpful. Seeing people's facial expressions and body language, seeing their empathy, hearing everyone share strategies for coping, all of this helped me feel seen and heard. 

Have you ever pursued an artistic outlet? Things like music allow us to express dark feelings and thoughts in a way that is less confronting for others, but also allows them to feel what we are feeling to some degree. Have you ever tried singing in a choir? I think this is a great way to develop a feeling of connection to others. 

Thanks again for posting on this forum, and please feel free to tell us more about what you are going through. All the best,

yggdrasil