I'm over the black dog.

[Nene65]

I'm 49 and have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I have finally realised what my triggers are...my children who are 30,28,26 & 18. They all know about my depression but do nothing to help me. Instead they push my buttons, treat me badly and post nasty stuff on Facebook about me. I do not go on Facebook I hear this from other people. I've now come to conclusion that if I want to get better I have to cut ties with them to save myself. That's the hard part. Ant suggestions?

[white knight]

Hi Nene   welcome here

I cant say I blame you. I'm in a similar situation with my youngest daughter. Now after many years of havoc and hurt my decision is final. She has only one avenue of communication if she chooses to use it- by letter. No more nervous phone calls, texts or Facebook. All of those methods have hurt me too much.

She can write a letter and I can accept the contents or reject them with time to make my decision. Also if I am to then meet with her there are more conditions- no boyfriend/husband and no children. She is 22yo and she has neither, but if she did I wouldnt want to get attached then get hurt again when she breaks our relationship off for the 50th time. I'm preserving myself.

Think about if you also want to make conditions on any contact- rather than breaking off entirely. Also be firm with friends that you do not want news about what your children post on Facebook. If you wanted to know you'd sign back up with FB and read it yourself.

Other threads worth looking at are (use search)-

Depression and toxic people

Words are sticks and stones

Depression- a ship on the high seas

The definition of abuse- what is it?

So what are their mental illnesses?

When all is lost, what can you do? be radical

Plenty of reading even if you read just the first post of each thread.

Cheers. Tony  WK

[White_Rose]

Hello Nene

Welcome to BB. I was sad to read your post.

I agree with Tony about setting limits for your family contact. Have you considered saying, when they phone you and become unkind, that you will not continue the conversation if they persist. And then hang up if their behaviour does not improve. They will get the message eventually. Similarly, if they email you tell them no more abusive emails. Block their emails to you and their texts as well.

I can imagine this will be hard but it seems they need to learn to be respectful when they communicate with you.

I also agree with Tony about not listening to friends talk about the FB comments. It's bad enough knowing that it happens. To have it repeated is painful.

I presume you are receiving help with your depression. If not please talk to your GP.

Let us know how you are going.

Regards

Mary

[geoff]

dear Nene, thanks for posting your comment.

I can't say any more than my good friends Tony and Mary but I couldn't think of anything worse than my sons not talking to me, as it would just be such a let done, bringing your children into the world and now don't want to help you, although I did have this happen when we were going through our divorce.

To defame you, if that's the correct word to use, on facebook would be devastating, and that's why this way of correspondence is so awful.

I hope that some of those threads that Tony can help you.

It seems as though you have little support so please trust us and reply back. Geoff.

[Nene65]

Hi White Knight

Thank you so very much for your repl. It really helps to know I'm not alone when it comes to kids. Mind you mine are 18,26,29 & 30 so they should know better but don't.  My eldest one has stopped me from seeing my grandkids (9 & 10 months) which tore my heart out . Since posting my first post I've gone back to Doctor and he has increased my dose of Antidepressant which has made a huge difference. I am actually happier for the first time in yrs.

[Nene65]

Hi Mary

Thank you so much for your reply. Since my post I have gone back to my Doctor Who has increased my Antidepressant which has been a life saver. 

[White_Rose]

Hello Nene

So pleased you are feeling happier and that the ADs are doing their job. I recently had an increase in ADs with much the same result. I felt as though brain had received a spring clean and all the dusty, dark corners had been exposed to the light. Amazing.

I hope you can continue to post here.

Mary