I’m not sure what to do

[colours_stars]

Hello, I am a younger teen who has been struggling with mental issues such as anxiety and depression for years. I’ve recently been diagnosed with a brain AVM but it’s low risk and I’m not to worried but it is causing some people to freak out a bit and I’m not sure how to handle this.

I see a phycologist but it doesn’t really help. When the doctor asks me questions about my depression, I lie a lot and say I’m fine and ok for now, but my leg and wrist always shakes, so they know I’m lying. I have severe depression and the GP wishes to send me to a pycaratrist and wants to also put me on medications.
I don’t want to go on meds because last time they gave me anti seizure meds for my severe minegrains caused by the AVM and it made me even more tired and I almost killed myself again. This time if I have to go on it will be more than one medication and I fear the further side effects.

But I have one reason which I’m not really open with, I am filled with an what I consider irrational fear for myself. I am scared of gaining weight, to the extent that I have periods and days where I will not eat. And when I do eat I fell guilty. I’ve vomited out my food purposely sometimes, but it leaves popped blood vessels in my face and my parents have started to notice so I try not to do this anymore. It hurts when my brother (he has autism) I know he finds it harder to control his self, calls me fat or other discriminatory names. I’ve tried telling my parents about what he does but they just say that I’m being silly and that I’m skinny. And I am I’m skinny, I always have been, I’m somewhat underweight but not dangerously, but for some reason I can’t seem to get the thought out of my head. I look at myself in the mirror and my mind almost distorts the image in my head. I don’t know what happening. I am just terrified of gaining weight I don’t know why. I don’t know what this all means.

I apologise if this post was long and an inconvenience.

[Sophie_M]

Dear colours&stars,

We are so grateful you have reached out and shared a bit of your journey with us here today. We think you are so brave not only for doing this but also for coping with the family and health issues you describe.

Our valued online forums community make this a safe, non-judgmental and supportive place where users give and receive support to each other based on their own expereinces with mental health, some of which may resonate with you.

We strongly recommend you consider reaching out to our friends at the Butterfly Foundation who specialise in offereing support for body image and/or eating issues. Their website is: https://butterfly.org.au/ and you can phone (1800 33 4673), webchat or email them. You might also like to read about body image issues here: https://au.reachout.com/challenges-and-coping/body-image.

We want you to know we're here to provide as much support, advice and conversation as you need. While the peer support offered on these forums is often quick, it's important to know it is not immediate. For immediate support we recommend you get in touch with our friends at Kidshelpline who are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 and via webchat: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Colours&stars~

Why on earth apologize, your post is only just long enough to explain things, and that is just right. Life has not been that kind to you and it can be hard to cope.

Firstly, in relation to your brain AVM other people may be worried to start with, and if that continues despite your reassurances get them to visit your doctor and have him explain what it is, the effects and methods of treatment if warranted. They should be somewhat reassured. I do not suggest Dr Google as that is as lightly to mislead as be useful.

Anxiety and depression are matters that do require attention, I kept on getting worse and was unable to make myself feel better without competent medical help.

I can understand your reluctance to go on medication given your horrible and frightening experience before, however you are in charge and can so no, or perhaps set our in detail what you were prescribed and the effects it had. Once informed of this alternatives (under strict supervision) can be trialed. You can insist on a clear pathway to report dangerous symptoms anytime, and refuse unless such an undertaking is given.

Seeing a psychiatrist can be an excellent thing, I’ve been lucky enough to have had access to one for as long as I have needed and the results have been excellent. A few false starts and trialing a lot of different meds has led to therapy that works and a medication that suits me with no side effects at all.

Again, you are in charge and can talk about plans and effects, with the right to refuse -or change psychiatrists -if things go badly.

I tried being dishonest and hiding my symptoms all the time though shame and fear of consequences and got nowhere. It was only when I opened up and trusted did things go right.

Sophie_M is quite right to suggest the Butterfly Foundation, they are the acknowledged experts in eating disorders and I’d add my recommendation to hers. Fear of gaining weight and not being able to clearly assess your shape in a mirror are common ailments.

Failing to take action can damage you body so please at least give them a ring and have a talk.

You are welcome to talk here anytime, and it is no inconvenience at all

Croix