I'm falling again

[Hopefullseeking]

I want to vent but if anyone has any suggestions I will accept them too.

My depression has slipped again and I am having difficulty with it.

I was due to go to New Zealand in February to catch up with a childhood best friend, tickets payed for and sooo looking forward to it.

I was having a lot of trouble with one of my knees, more than normal, an MRI (have had arthritis since my 20s) later and NZ trip cancelled, (did get 75% of tickets refunded) now on waiting list for a knee replacement. I am in constant pain during the day and at night, so not sleeping. Due to medical condition I can't take pain killers or anti-inflammatory. I don't have a car anymore, it died, taking public transport but the extra walking I think is what has aggravated my knee.

Consequently my depression has gone down due to pain, and tiredness from not sleeping. When my depression goes down my food consumption goes up and that makes me more depressed.

Saw my psychologist Tuesday and she wants me to take something to help me sleep, I have always been against sleeping tablets. She also wants me to see a dietician.

I am sick of feeling down and having to fight with my depression, I still maintain all my outside activities which I know is vital. My friends don't really get it. I have one friend who tries her hardest but sometimes I just want a hug.

I feel teary and I am having to fight the feelings of wanting to give into to it. I am at my volunteer job using their computer to write this.

I just feel like shit.

[Hopefullseeking]

I have had a look at the chronic pain forums thanks Romantic. There is a lot of helpful advice there, just need the time and motivation to read them.

Atm I am trialing taking two pain meds at night and it has helped a lot, have a blood test next week to see if they are affecting my liver or not, that is a complication of taking medications for me. Everything even herbal remedies go through the liver.

I do use mindfulness with me depression at times and it does help. Depends how deep my depression is as to if I even remember to use them.

I am very lucky with public transport as it is very close by, taxi vouchers is something I need to ask my Dr but my anxiety gets in the way, being in a car/taxi with a strange man, silly I know.

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi HelenR,

Thank you for your kind words, I have had depression for so long I know how vital it is for me to keep up my lifestyle even if I struggle at times. It has kept me going and alive.

I eat to cope so often eat when not hungry, it is a battle and a very emotional one for me. I know what to eat and what not to eat but can't often do that. I am about to go and see a Dietician, the third so will see if she has any tips or strategies I can use. When upset, down or what ever, I eat have done so all my life, I have lost weight before but always put it on when things go wrong. Can't seem to help myself.

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Janojas,

I am glad you are still here with us.

It might be helpful if you start up a new post and talk a little about yourself then a lot more people will see it and can help you.

My psychiatrist got to that stage a couple of years ago and referred me to a psychologist who has been fantastic, so now I see them both. Maybe you didn't find a good match is it worth trying again, I think so.

You are very strong to still be here with little help. There are a lot of wonderful people here that would love to met you.

Don't give up as we won't give up on you.