I hide all the pain from my family

[DebZzZ]

I am suffering a lot you can read my story at

grief loss & separation

• You are herechallenges ive faced

I'm sick of crying I've been crying for an hour in my room , thinking about everything especially my failed relationships why is it that I get so attached and they end up leading me on friend zoning me or even worse telling me to f off.

im so alone what do I have in this world NOTHING I've lost  everything that was dear to me and I always end up getting heartbroken, the last guy was quick to tell me that he didn't want a relationship and that hurt but at least he didn't lead me on.

I cant trust people because ive been betrayed too many times.

he doesn't talk to me anymore I am worried about him he has bi polar and is struggling, but what can I do if he doesn't want me.

I get upset when people ask me why don't you have a boyfriend, my heart sinks to the floor, i am also friendless I don't work and im miserable deeply heartbroken alone and miserable.

I am inconsolable right now and finding it hard to write all of this. i hide all my pain from my family and talk about it to my counsellor but nothing can take away the pain of my loneliness and my pain im even on antidepressants.

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[DebZzZ]

dear Neil

sorry for my late reply had been sick and ended up in hospital on sat im doing well now.

my counsellor is good she looks after me, but the pain and loneliness are a constant reminder everyday and I cry for hours at a time when im alone its hell.

some days I want to run away and go somewhere far where no one can hurt me and im alone

[anon12]

Dear Dez,

I have scrolled down and seen this last post you have made about your current situation. I understand completely how you feel in this situation as I too have made bad decisions with men and life in general. You are no alone in feeling that you just want to run away and I can guess that sometime you just feel like jumping on a plane without telling anyone and going anywhere in the world to live happily ever after? I understand as I feel the exact same and I can reply in saying how I have viewed being friend zoned and led on. I have really likes a few guys  over time and have had then choose the "friend" or start to ignore me. I view this as a sign that there is something better waiting out there for me. Does it feel lonely? yes. Will you find someone some day? possibly, no one can ever say. But the best you can do is to keep living your life because Ive realised things happen when we arent looking for it so hang in there Dez and never stop telling those guys how you feel because you never know when one guy may just feel the same way! xxx Hope I helped hun I understand what your going through!

[DebZzZ]

tnx anon12 i am just giving up on relationships and friendships  completely I am done with getting hurt!

im sick of crying and feeling down all the time so ill just leave it up2 fate my heart cant take anymore

[geoff]

dear Dez, well I can somehow relate to this, the opposite way, in that there are no females who could put up with the hours I live, going to bed at about 4 pm and getting up at 12.01am, as soon as I mention these hours it's 'kiss goodnight freddy', not that I want to live with anyone, but there are times when we need someone to talk to.

There's an old saying 'the more we want the less we get'. L Geoff. x

[Neil_1]

Hi Dez

I was sure I had replied to your most recent response back to me, but alas, it seems it didn't make it through - but it's no doubt me not pressing the right button!  Dóh !!

It did concern me when you said you were so unwell that you were admitted to hospital.  That was about a week ago now and you have since posted that you are feeling well again - in regard to the issue that led you to be hospitalised.  But with the other", that's going to be a long term issue - as we all know.

However please keep on the medications given - and I really hope that in a few weeks, they'll be able to kick in to a degree where you may not feel as bad as you currently are.  Even just a little increase in your daily feelings would be a good result - and Dez, please stay with us and keep posting here as long as you feel comfortable in doing so.

Kind regards

Neil

[DebZzZ]

so sorry everyone I have been extremely unwell had the flu throat infection migraine hhave gallstones had leg pain and was bed ridden and in hospital got discharged sun night also suffered a depressive episode

[Neil_1]

Hi Dez

Please please Dez, you never have to apologise on this forum – ever. 

I’m glad that you’ve been able to come back and post to us – but I feel so deeply for you with what you’ve had to go through of late.  It sounds like it’s been an awful time for you, obviously not only mentally, but with some major physical problems as well.

Now that you’re out of hospital, is it silly of me to assume that your physical ailments have gotten at least to a manageable level – pain wise?

Kind regards

Neil

[DebZzZ]

hi there

I still have intense pain from my gallstones the hospital gave me a appointment start of June so  hopefully I will have a op.

the depression tears pain loneliness and the pain of the rejection as well as Recurring thoughts, memories, images, dreams,  flashbacks anxiety and panic are constant and on going my counsellor says PTSD and wants to refer me to a specialised therapy program for it.

[geoff]

dear Dez, you been through a hell of a lot, which is always too much for someone trying to cope with their everyday living, as well as having depression.

It sounds as though the counsellor is not quite sure on how to deal with PTSD, but it is an enormously powerful illness, and obviously a recurring one, that requires a great deal of experience and then a great of interaction with yourself.

I would be very interested to know about this 'specialised therapy program' once it begins. L Geoff. x