I feel so incredibly alone.

[Echtis]

I'm in my mid-20s. My life isn't over by any means, but I can't help thinking "Why do I even try?". I'm trying to make friends at University, I've joined a couple of Uni clubs, but I feel so out of touch and rejected. Maybe times have changed, but I'm constantly made fun of for my word choice, my actions, and every interaction feels like some kind of point scoring event against me. I get that I'm older than most of these people, and I'm out of touch socially, but it feels like people are literally making up social rules to belittle me.

An example of this: people were joking about how they were undateable. One person said, "I'm pretty sure everyone here is some kind of alcohol." "Or mentally ill." Another says "Or autistic." I add, and there is silence like I've said some kind of slur. People berate me about how the correct term is person with autism, and I have to apologise. Should be noted I was diagnosed with this when I was 15, and it is, like the other things people joked about, a medical condition.

A few months later, one person is talking about how if someone called them a slur which I'm not going to type based on their identity, they will react with "Hell yeah I am" or something like that. I ask isn't that a bad word, as I've always known it to be. Everyone looks at me and explains that it's about 'taking back and owning' the word. 

I've just gotten so tired of listening to everyone else talk to try and learn social rules that bend themselves backwards in various hipocritical and bigoted ways, whilst all the while they mock me. 

I really like this club's hobby, and I don't want to leave because of that. But I cannot help but feel unwanted and even hated, every time I open my mouth it ends with half a dozen people telling me to get stuffed in various ways.

It isn't just this club either. I just cannot seem to have positive interactions with anyone at any social club, or follow any of the social rules I didn't learn the last 4 years. I feel so alone as every attempt to make friends just ends in misery, rejection, or ridicule. How am I meant to learn the rules when everyone uses me as a punching bag? I just want to be accepted, I'm not trying to hurt or upset anyone, but I'm treated as an antagonist.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Echtis,

We want to complement you for explaining so beautifully how confusing 'normal' communication can be for someone with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). We strive to be a very supportive community, but we also follow 'normal' communications, so we may accidentally hurt, upset, or offend you without ever realising it. Please try to have patience and tolerance with us, and we will strive to do the same with you.

We understand that when people are carrying on a conversation, there are many factors that come into play in addition to the words which are used. One of the strongest of these nonverbal communication factors is facial and body expressions. These nonverbal communication queues are similar to placing proper punctuation marks in something you are writing so people know how to interpret what is being said.

Another factor, which has a similar affect on communication is tone of voice and voice expressions. People who are not on the spectrum are much better at automatically compiling all this info and using it for comfortable and consistent communication. Unfortunately, those on the Spectrum often become confused and frustrated because you can't seem to properly and consistently use the rules properly.

At this point, the best advice we can give you would be to find a mental health professional who specialises in working with people who are on the Spectrum. With lots of practice, people improve; though often the improvements are marginal.

Again, welcome to our forums, and the community will do our best to help.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[therising]

Hi Echtis

I can relate to where you're coming from to some degree and I really feel for you. I think political correctness in it's current form is becoming incredibly challenging these days. The thing I find most challenging about it is how you can be slammed for saying the wrong thing as opposed to someone starting an informative and fascinating conversation about why a word, definition or label has changed form. In other words, people don't want to be thoughtful educators on a subject, they'd much prefer to be your judge, jury and executioner. To give you an example of where I'm coming from, keeping in mind I'm a gal who used to work in an industry that supported folk with intellectual challenges: If someone said 'Mary is intellectually disabled...' and this person was reprimanded with 'You can't say that, it's 'intellectually challenged', I might start a conversation about why people think the term was changed. This could lead everyone to some interesting revelations.

I believe there is some social skill when it comes to not degrading a person in front of others. Could it be you're facing some people who lack the skill or ability to be more thoughtful in how they speak to you? Sounds like this could be the case. Me, I much prefer to converse with 'wonderful' people, people jam packed full of wonder, the kinds of people who wouldn't degrade me for having said something but instead wonder why I'd said it, out of sheer curiosity. I love curious and imaginative people, they're great conversationalists. 

I know a few self-righteous people. When I'm around them, things have to be done the right way, said the right way, spelt the right way etc etc. They're happy to point out to you everything you're doing 'wrong'. They can be hard work sometimes 🙂  By the way, I know of a brilliant researcher, advocate and speaker who's doing wonders in the area of autism, helping change people's perspective on it. They are proud to refer to themself as both 'autistic' and 'someone with autism', either one.

[Ann_Pseudo]

Hey there Echtis! I wonder if also joining an online group with other neurodivergent people might help you feel less alone in this. You'll find many autistic people who refer to themselves as autistic rather than someone 'with' autism. Our society is primarily geared to straight, white, cisgender, neurotypical people, many of whom haven't educated themselves in the language or realities of any of us who fit outside that lil box! You're not alone in this..you just haven't found your tribe yet, I suspect! Keep going, cos they're out there! ❤️‍🩹💖