I can't bring myself to do anything

[Rock]

I don't usually reach out like this because I'm a very secretive person, but I'm just so desperate right now. I've had severe depression for years now. I'm stuck in a real bad down time at the moment. I've been on medication for a while which has blunted my emotions and stopped my panic attacks. I can usually pick myself up, at least enough, after a week or so but this time it's just not faltering. I just can't bring myself to DO anything. I've tried making a schedule and just forcing myself but I just end up feeling even more empty and lost. I used to be so passionate about art and studying just for the fun of it. Nothing feels fun now, not even games, and I just sit here all day doing nothing. I don't know how to kick myself into action. Please, if anyone has any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.

[james1]

I love these comments about, basically, the "fake it till you make it" idea. It's why I try to listen to positive songs about getting back on your feet and I sing them out aloud, even if there are people around!​

[Rock]

I don't work currently but not because I don't want to. I hate to think how difficult it would be to get up 5 days a week and get to work, late or not. I think that's a feat in itself!

I find music helpful sometimes too, but when I'm really down not even that can hold my interest. I think walking is good, and can certainly serve as a healthy distraction. Unfortunately I rarely even leave my room these days and I know it's not really a good way of life.

I'm really happy you appreciate my reply! Today has been a lot better. Still feeling really down, as usual, but I got a few things done, so I'm happy about that. How has your day been?

[Rock]

Just a quick update.

I think hearing some fresh opinions and even just knowing that others know how I feel and can relate is more helpful than I thought it would be. Still feeling very depressed of course, but all I can really hope to do is to better learn to cope. I managed to do some things today, not much but it was something. It's pretty much inevitable that I'll feel hopeless again, but at least I can know that I DID manage to pull myself (somewhat) together and that I CAN do it again. Fake it till you make it seems to be the only thing that works for me. Thank you all for the help and I really empathize.

[james1]

Hey Jenny,

I'm sitting in a corner at work because there are too many people around my desk and I'm just not feeling it today. I spent my entire lunch hour wandering out trying to decide whether to eat my packed lunch or buy lunch, but couldn't figure it out in the end.

But then I just read that you managed to get a few things done, and that's going to be a highlight of my day. I'm really glad that you posted that.

So here's my achievement of the day: I got to work early today - 1.5 hours early to be precise!

And now I'm just waiting for the end of the day. If I've still got the energy, I might try and go ice skating. Early to work AND ice skating...this day is out of control, haha.

Thank you for posting - you're absolutely spot on. Even if this good/better/not bad feeling doesn't last, at least we know we did something today. And maybe, just maybe, we can even do something tomorrow. That'd deserve a Victoria Cross!

James

[Rock]

Hi James

I'm glad you got to work early today! Really that's awesome. I hope you've eaten something at least. Being surrounded by people stresses me out really quickly. Really, I'm hopeless in any social context. Ice skating sounds like a really cool idea. I've never been myself, but it looks fun.

[james1]

Aha the first time ice skating can be a bit tricky, but it's great fun once you get the hang of it. To be honest, it took me about 1 1/2 times before I got comfortable, but I might just be a slow learner.

I find it relaxing because it takes just enough focus that I'm not lost in my head, but not enough focus that I'm stressed. I like activities like that - they're just good ways to stay active/busy and good for me mentally.

You mentioned you like art before - have you tried colouring in? I'm usually a drawer (portraits mostly), but I've recently found that too much effort. So instead, I've been giving colouring a go which is a lot easier and mentally relaxing as well.

[Rock]

I'm not much of a sport person but I like walking sometimes in the forest. I just tag along when my family goes and take my camera-it's calming but at the same time I can focus on finding interesting things to take photos of. I have this strange fondness for lichens and fungi...

I've never tried colouring in but I've noticed that adult colouring books have become insanely popular lately and some actually look quite good. It's funny you mention them, because two days ago I decided to get a couple and I'll be going out later to buy a couple. I won't be giving up my drawing though. I'm hoping I can gather myself enough to start creating again.

[james1]

Aha I love taking photos of tree bark. I have no idea why. I went to NZ last year and I finally got around to transferring some of the photos onto my computer and, I kid you not, I had 200 photos of tree bark. I completely understand what you mean by it being calming but focussed. I try to go on hikes on the weekends and drag friends who know about my depression (to guilt them into coming, haha!). But sometimes I go alone as well. When was the last time you took your camera out?

Oh that's great that you're looking to get some books. Have you got colour pencils already? I'd love to hear more about your colouring and art. It sounds like you're quite good at it. What do you like to draw?

[Rock]

I find tree bark interesting too. Especially when there's shiny red sap on it. The last time I took my camera out was about a month ago. I was practically told to get off my butt and shoved out the door but it turned out to be a nice trip through some woods and country towns. I came across a large tree that was growing in a big puddle of its own sap. The stuff was gross, like big lumps of slimy jelly! There was a friendly cat at one of the parks and I managed to pet it which kind of made my day because I love cats.

Yeah, I've got quite a few colour pencils. I might even get some money together and buy some top quality ones soon. Could help to motivate me. My favourite subject has always been dragons. Usually more personified semi-realistic/sort of cartoonish rather than realistic but I may give realistic ones a go some time. I also like to draw cats and animals in general, as well as fantasy animals. I'd like to be able to do fantasy scenery one day. I'm not that great at the moment, but I do learn fast. What sort of portraiture did you do?

[Airies]

Ice Skatng..... Takes me back to my youth.. Rink in Ballarat. Tried it a few times.. Used to Rollerskate.... But can't rollerblade.... Photos of bark.. I find foliage , bark fascinating. It's amazing how we focus and notice the most obscure things..Especially in nature