i am scared to ask for help

[link09]

i have been looking at this site for a while and have decided to post. i dont know what to do any more everything just seems like a huge effort to me and i havent been happy in a long time, i wish that i would die or go to sleep and not wake up. so far i have managed to get through but i dont see anything getting any better. i am scared to ask for help as i am worried that i might lose my job or that it would cost me any future oppurtuinties in my career. i am also worried about going on medication as i think it may make me worse. can anyone give me some advice on what to do i am sick of feeling like this

[Bell]

Hello link,

Congratulations for deciding to look for some help, I know it can be extremely hard. One of the things that will keep you in your rut is the worry of what can happen if you tell anyone your problem. One of the things about depression is the ability to think of the worst consequences possible and decide that is what your fate will be.
The amount of times I've thought about how bad family, friends or spouse will think of me if they know I have depression, is ridiculous, and it's kept me that rut until the beginning of this year. And you know what? The majority of them knew that something was up anyway! But if your not willing to share then there isn't really anything they can do about it. Try and talk to a family member or close friend?

The worry over medication is common but imagine if you were taking a pill everyday that made you not feel good instead of the feelings that are taking over now? Imagine waking up feeling happy and rolling straight out of bed instead of dreading seeing all your colleagues? I can't see into the future and there's definitely no guarantee that'll happen but the point is you don't know until you try. Plus it's fun to entertain those good thoughts.

First step would be to see a GP and tell them exactly what you said here. If they're a good GP they will probably get you a referral to see a psychiatrist or direct you to a psychologist straight away depending on if you are willing to try medication or not. A member of this forum directed me just a couple of days ago as I was getting desperate to this part of beyond blue.
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional
Just put in your post code and you'll have professionals coming out your ears.

I hope this helps and I want you to know that I am no expert but I have felt a lot of the same feelings you wrote down.
Good luck, 
Bellamy

[Henri]

I can provide you with some general guidance, but not specific advice. It's important to remember that everyone is different. What works for one person will not necessarily work for you; and conversely, what didn't work for another person may work for you.

I first piece of guidance is that you find a General Practitioner (GP) that has some experience in treating depression and who you are comfortable with. This is probably the most difficult part, but also the most important part. Your GP will be the starting point for your treatment - whatever form that might take. They may treat you themselves or refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. But an ongoing, constructive relationship with a good GP is very important. It took me a long time to find a doctor who worked for me. Unfortunately he has been diagnosed with cancer so I've had to start the search again. The next doctor I saw I can only describe as a monster. He deliberately and maliciously destroyed me in a 15 minute consultation. So that was a set back, but just today I met with another GP who I think will actually work for me. I was very assertive with him. I told him what I required in a GP and then point-blank asked him whether he is capable and willing to deliver that style of care. So figure out what it is that you want from a GP (for example, someone who will listen, someone who has experience with mental health issues, someone who is willing to work with you as a patient in a collaborative manner. Whatever you think you're needs are at this time). Don't allow yourself to submit to them. They are there to help you in the way that you need to be helped. If you think a particular GP isn't going to work for you, feel confident enough to say so. "Thanks but no thanks."

Once you have someone who looks like they are going to work for you, then it's time to start looking at treatment options. There are lots. And the treatment plan that you and the GP decide upon will depend heavily on your personal circumstances. So it would be inappropriate of me to suggest any one particular treatment plan. An important point to remember is that you may need to try a variety of treatments until you find what is going to work for you. It might be counselling, it might be antidepressant medication, it might be both, it might be hormone replacement, it might be stopping or changing the oral contraceptive you use (assuming you're a woman and you actually use one of course), it might be diet, it might exercise. It's might be something that I haven't even heard of. The GP may also want to run blood tests before suggesting any particular treatment plan, in case there is a physiological (as opposed to neurological) cause of your depression. So don't necessarily expect to walk out of the first appointment with a complete plan in place, it might take a couple of appointments to decide on what treatment path to try.

As far as medication goes, that can be a little daunting. I resisted for a long time. I felt like that was giving up. I also worried about losing myself in the medication; that I might change into someone else. All valid fears. But in personal experience, medication is what has got me this far. I've tried more types than I can recall (maybe 10-12 different types or combinations). I've settled on the one that, while not perfect, has performed best for me. But it too a few years to get there. So you do need to persevere with it. But if something's not working, say it's not working. If the negative side-effects are more trouble than they are worth, say so, and then try something else.

But medication isn't the only option. Counselling works well for many people. I just don't happen to be one of them. So I take the medication and make adjustments in consultation with my GP as needed. They would normally start a patient out on a low dose and work up, so major shifts in personality don't usually occur. That's obviously important to your performance in the workplace. Anti-depressants can take between 2 and 6 weeks to start to have a significant effect, so you do need to give them at least 6-8 weeks to see if they are working in a positive manner for you. Also be aware that there can be some rather unpleasant withdrawal symptoms should you stop taking a medication, especially if you aren't replacing it with a different medication. If you are replacing it with a different medication be sure to following the GP's/Psychiatrist's directions as medications can interact negatively with one another. One other thing to look out for (and I don't tell you this to frighten you off medication, and it has only ever happened to me once) is if you start to feel WAY better than you should. If after a few days of taking a medication you start to REALLY good and almost as though you're drunk all the time, stop taking the medication immediately and go to a doctor. Whether it's your regular doctor or someone you've never seen before. There is an uncommon reaction  but needs following up immediatly. I'm not trying to scare you, it's just something to look out for. All medications will come with information sheets. Read them. And hold on to them. They'll tell you what side effects you might experience and which ones are the serious ones to look out for. Medication isn't for everyone but it can be enormously helpful.

As far as employment goes, I would recommend not disclosing anything about your mental health. People are becoming more educated about mental health, but once that genie is out of the bottle some people will always view you as "unstable". So while you shouldn't have to hide it, my advice would be that it is probably best to do so. At least until you have a treatment plan in place that is working for you.

Once a treatment plan is in place I have found it useful to set goals. Goals for the week, the month, the next 3 months, the next 12 months and the next 2-3 years. It can start out really basic and you can build on it as you go. But it can give you structure and actually keep you aware of the fact that you are actually making progress (something that is easy to miss when you're busy with other things). Achievements are important. Small to begin with. Getting bigger over time. They can provide reassurance that you actually can do it and motivate you to keep going. But make your goals realistic. If there's no reasonable expectation that you can actually achieve a particular goal, setting it is pointless and will only demotivate you.

Your post makes it pretty clear that you can't continue like this. You need to take a positive step to make your situation better. But only you can do that.  But you've already made a start because you've asked for help. Now you just need to take it to the next step.

  If you have specific questions about what I've written or just want to "chat" in more depth about where you might go to from here post on the site.

And one last thing. You are entitled to ask for help. You're not a burden to the people whose professional lives are about helping you. You don't have to be interesting for their sake. They are being paid to help you after all. You don't have to cry to prove to them that you're actually depressed. Your word is good enough. And if it's not, move on to someone else.

Good luck.

 Henri

[geoff]

dear Ink, I would like to thank Bellamy and Henri for replying back to you as they as well as yourself are new board members, with a lot of experience to offer.

I agree with them for you not to tell your boss or any mates of your depression, because if you tell a mate then word spreads, so in actual fact they aren't looking after your concern, as word and mouth increases to some unproportional exaggeration.

Maybe down the track your situation could become worse and that your boss needs to know, but not yet.

The decision about taking antidepressant medication at first can be a worry, but the dosage your doctor/psychiatrist put you on to start with is a low mg, and this is because there maybe side-effects and if so they try another one, and I think I went through about 6 different types and was about to give up trying but the last one suited my system.

I can't add any more than what Bellamy and Henri have mentioned about doctors, and this advice is spot on.

What I like you to do is to please get back to us after you have read these posts, because it's very important that we all care for you and this ghastly illness. Geoff.

[link09]

hi, 

thanks guys for your replys. after posting this i have felt the best i have in the last few months but i know it wont last, i am looking for a gp to go to that is close to where i live. thanks again.