How to talk to my partner about my depression

[Sigwingal]

Hi All,

i am very new to this all and just thought I would ask how other people have gone about telling there partner about their depression. I believe I have had it for many years but only have started seeing a professional in the last few weeks. I did see one a couple of years ago for a short period of time and depression was mentioned then but I guess I wasn't ready to hear it. This time around it was pretty obvious to the professional straight away what I was dealing with. Anyway I've been with my partner for nearly 5 years. He has seen it all. I had felt like this before I met him too so he has been dealing with it too I guess but I have never mentioned depression. I believe he just thinks that's me and I have a choice. I don't think he will ever understand but I do no I need to try and explain and at least let him no what is happening. It has effected us a great deal. Unfortunately he is the one I take it out on and well we are now in a unhappy place because of it. I guess this is what has lead me to seriously get help this time. For the both of us but I no I need it. I can talk to him about everything else just not this. Suggestions please.....

[Gruffudd]

Hi Sigwingal,

Welcome to the forums.

Great to hear that you are finding the help more helpful this time.

My thoughts are that the hardest part of this is starting the conversation. You are able to have all sorts of other conversations after all. I find it easiest to sit them down and then blurt out the big thing without much of a lead up in the form of, I want to talk about... and then there it is, I can't pretend it doesn't exist.

Have you had to have difficult conversations before? What did you say to get started? Would it help to practice some sentences or the conversation here first?

Rob.

[geoff]

dear Sigwingal, as Rob says 'starting the conversation is the hardest'.
Where you begin especially if you have had it for a number of years, just as he has seen you with it.
Perhaps you could begin by telling him that you are seeing a counsellor/psych in that you feel as though this illness has returned and you need help, because you have been struggling with it for quite awhile.
He may say that you have been behaving differently and hopefgully he will encourage you along the way.
This is something which you shouldn't be afraid of, and if need be then he could go along with you in a session, so that the counsellor/psych can explain to him what depression is, because a professional carries more weight, so he will listen. Geoff. x

[blondguy]

Hello Sigwingal

You have been very pro-active with engaging a counselor....well done:-)

Geoff and Rob have some great advice above too

• as per Geoff's advice, a joint visit to your therapist would be excellent.
• scroll down and under the header 'The Facts' click on Depression, print it out and give your partner a copy.

• depression is no different to a physical illness, we just have invisible crutches people cant see

It would be great if you post back Sig

Kind Thoughts and Wishes for you

Paul

[Sigwingal]

Thank you Rob, Geoff & Paul.

All great advise... I guess I need to build up the courage to do this.

Rob- I've had many difficult conversations in my life and have easily brought up topics by just blurting it out. For some reason this one is just hard. Maybe because I'm admitting it out loud which I haven't done to anyone?

I really do like the idea of being him to the counselling session too.

I guess I'm afraid he just won't understand. He's a very old fashioned kind of guy that's a life goes on deal with it attitude!!

Thank you again for all your advise

[blondguy]

No worries at all Sigwingal. Thankyou for writing back...its means a lot to us

Maybe he will understand...you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing so:-)

Paul

[Chris_B]

Hi Sigwingal, some great advice above. We also have a resource on this called Have The Conversation that provides tips on how to discuss depression with loved ones.