How to get interested in life again?

[Damaged]

Hi all. I have been suffering anxiety and depression for a really long time. I am really trying to beat it though I always seem to find myself repeating the same patterns because anything outside of my standard routine is too hard to deal with. My life at the moment life consists of a 58 hour work week which doesn’t leave much time for anything through the week. On the weekends I catch up on house work, sleep and maybe see a movie and that’s about it.    

I have recently started going to therapy again and she told me I should find a hobby and find groups of people to meet up with,though meeting in any kind of group is kind of like hell for me. On top of that I really don’t have anything that I am interested in at the moment. Most of the time I just feel pretty empty inside. I guess I have lost interest in most things over the years.

I Know I need to socialize more if I want to improve, and there has to be more to life than work and bills though I am not sure where to start?

Maybe I am

past the point of no return?    

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[Damaged]

Hi Mary. How are you?

I am doing ok though it is a struggle at the moment trying to constantly remind myself not to let anxiety get a hold of me. So I am kind of up and down at the right now.

I know what you mean about not being in control of how you feel , it can just hit you at any time. At work at the moment my mind is racing all the time. I am always thinking about my actions and over analysing things till I make myself sick over it. Even over incredibly minor things.

It is hard to explain I guess. I think it just comes from a really low self-esteem. I think I have become a bit better at hiding my anxiety lately  (I hope anyway). It can make a day pretty exhausting though. Lol

It’s a shame about not being recommended to go back to work yet. I think that would help a lot with motivational things. Though you have to look after yourself first.

At the moment work is heading into the busy Christmas period which is always  stressful  long hours. Though I have kind if realised lately, as much as I hate working the long hours, if I was home I would get board really fast and into depression. So I guess there is just no pleasing me.lol

Sorry if I have rambled  a bit tonight I hope it all makes sense.

I hope you are doing ok.

You take care of yourself.Chat soon.

Love Matthew. xoxo

[Mares73]

Dear Matthew I really hope you get this msg & haven't given up on me.  I'm really sorry I didn't get to you last week-i wasn't online for various reasons. Even if I sometimes take a while to reply (& I'm going to try reply same day) please know that I really do think of you each day & wonder how your going. I wish we could send telepathic messages as then you'd see how much I think of you! It sounds like the anxiety has been really tough lately. I feel for you. It's awful hey because it can just overwhelm you from out of nowhere. Sometimes we can't even think of a reason or a trigger & thats frightening because it leaves us questioning how much control we have over our feelings. It's not as though there's some proven thing to do to help alleviate the anxiety when it hits. I forgot-do you just take an antidepressant or other meds as well? And what type of antidepressant do you take? - for example I take an SNRI. Matthew you may not believe this but you are coping incredibly -you are highly functioning with a job & a mortgage & manage to eat well & exercise. In the face of adversity you are a very strong person. Especially given you have no support & have to motivate yourself-not many people with this illness can find the strength, courage & fighting spirit to motivate themselves in all areas of life the way you do. I know you could really do with a break, time for yourself to just feel & do things that are relaxing. A mortgage & a stressful job is a lot to cope with & it sounds like those two things dominate your life. I wish you had a lovely girlfriend who shared life with you & gave you the opportunity to enjoy things because I know myself that it's no fun thinking of seeing a movie or going out somewhere just by yourself. You deserve happiness & you are so special that any girl would be lucky to find you. The hard part is where to meet Someone Genuine. How are you coping with the mortgage? Do you have enough money to do some other things or are you living week to week? And what's been happening at work lately? I'm going to runout of words. Hey have you seen any good dramas or crime shows or DVDS lately? I get bored & I'm finding it hard to concentrate on reading at moment. Please let me know update on all that's been happening & reply to my questions? I look everyday for a message from you. In meantime I send big hugs & love & keep you in my thoughts. I hope today goes fast being a Monday! Love Mary xxxxx

[Damaged]

Hey Mary. Good to hear from you. That’s ok I understand if you can’t post right away.

Anxiety is not too bad. I am coping ok considering how close it is too Christmas. I usually fall apart around this time of year. People just seem to lose their minds at this time of year. When I see the way some people behave at Christmas, sometimes it makes me feel like I am the normal one. Lol

I am not taking any anti-depressants at the moment. I stopped taking them around 6 weeks ago because I didn’t feel like they were helping anymore. I may go back to the doctor soon to try something else.

Thanks for all the kind words, you are very sweet. I would love to have a partner that I could experience more of the world with, though I am just not sure if it could even happen given my flaws. She would have to have a lot of patience. Lol

Work is actually pretty good at the moment. Working long hours though have been promised a pay review before Christmas which will help so much with the mortgage. Still looking forward to having three weeks off at Christmas though. I just have to make sure that I keep busy and try to keep from being board.

The only thing I have been watching at the moment on dvd is Sons of Anarchy. It is about a bikkie  gang in America, It is really unrealistic and cheesy though it is keeping me entertained at the moment.

Thanks for your support.

Huge Hug

Matthew xoxo      

[Mares73]

Dearest Matthew I honestly think of you everyday & wonder how your going-ive just been hopeless at communicating lately. I seemed to be doing ok, functioning at least & then bang I woke up 3 days ago feeling so low. Back to my insecurities, isolation, sense of hopelessness & self hate. Unable to function due to feeling immobilized by despair & isolation. I have no one to share how I'm feeling. My family just overlook me or pretend all is well when inside I am feeling so low & in need of support-little things like someone to talk to who won't judge me. I hate being in this state of mind. Anyway how are you doing? Is work really busy & helping take your mind off things? What do you do at xmas? I'm dreading the shopping centre's & the way people push to get in front. Do you go to a family member for xmas? Despite my difficulty concentrating-i love the crime books by Patricia Cornwall so I bought her latest book on the weekend hoping it will provide an escape from my thoughts for a while. I think of you & wonder how your managing. Be great to hear from you & I'll try respond after I've read your message. Sending love & hugs xx Mary xx

[Mares73]

Hi Matthew this is my second msg as I haven't heard back from you. I'm just concerned how you are? I've been thinking of you each day & wonder how your anxiety is given it was tough last time I heard from you. I imagine your busy at work-does this help or not? Sometimes also Xmas can be a really hard time. What do you do? I hope to hear from you & please keep reaching out as I'm here for you. It's not easy depression & anxiety-especially when your coping alone & have to keep functioning & keep motivated. Hugs & love  X Mary

[Damaged]

Hey  Mary.

Really sorry I haven’t been in touch. I have just been really busy at work.

Working really long hours right now. I have to get up at 4am tomorrow. Lol.

I am ok though I can’t wait for my break at Christmas. For Christmas Day I am just going to my Brothers house to spend the day with his family. It will probably be pretty stressful, though that’s what Christmas is all about right?

Haven’t done any Christmas shopping yet, its already a nightmare out there.

I have to go and do a few things before work tomorrow. Thanks for checking in, I will post again on the weekend for sure. I just haven’t had time .The lack of sleep right now is making me stir crazy.lol

I hope you are doing ok and surviving the Silly season.

Talk to you soon. Love Matthew.xoxo    

[Mares73]

My dear Matthew I  haven't forgot you & I'm so sorry it's taken so long for me to reach out to you. I truly hope you haven't given up on me & that u get this message. I wonder how you are, what's happening in your life & how your coping? Things are very tough for me now. I've written a post about it so you can read but basically my husband has acute leukemia very aggressive & will be hospitalized most of the year for chemo & a bone marrow transplant. I'm realistically facing being a widow & it's very hard with the kids. I still have the case against the priest to get through. He has been suspended & everyone's waiting on my statement but I'm overwhelmed with everything.  There's some ugh more but first In need to hear back from you.

 And love to you Matthew I hope I haven't lost you by taking so long to respond.

Hoping so much you get this. In my thoughts Love Maresxxx

[Damaged]

Hey Mares.

I just noticed your post. I haven’t really been on here that much lately though good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about your husband. That is terrible news. I hope things improve, it sounds like a really tough road ahead. You have sure got a lot to deal with.

As for me I am still on the same position that I was before. Still unhappy with life and looking for a purpose. Christmas time was really tough, though I made it through. I have started seeing a new Psychologist from last week and she seems to really understand my position. I go back to see her on Friday so looking forward to that, I think she really may be able to help me, well I hope so anyway

Anyway I have to go. Good to hear from you, 

I hope things get better for you. Hope to hear back from you.

Matthew XOXO.

[Mares73]

Dear Matthew I'm not sure if you are still here & I hope you get this message & accept my apologies for "leaving you in the lurch" so to speak. So this is a short message to say I'm thinking of you & would really like to hear how your going.

 I really hope things have improved & your doing well.

Hope to hear from you.

Love Mares x