How to get interested in life again?

[Damaged]

Hi all. I have been suffering anxiety and depression for a really long time. I am really trying to beat it though I always seem to find myself repeating the same patterns because anything outside of my standard routine is too hard to deal with. My life at the moment life consists of a 58 hour work week which doesn’t leave much time for anything through the week. On the weekends I catch up on house work, sleep and maybe see a movie and that’s about it.    

I have recently started going to therapy again and she told me I should find a hobby and find groups of people to meet up with,though meeting in any kind of group is kind of like hell for me. On top of that I really don’t have anything that I am interested in at the moment. Most of the time I just feel pretty empty inside. I guess I have lost interest in most things over the years.

I Know I need to socialize more if I want to improve, and there has to be more to life than work and bills though I am not sure where to start?

Maybe I am

past the point of no return?    

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[Mares73]

My dear Matthew I'm so sorry I haven't written for a few days-my computer is broken so I use my phone-Samsung Note to come online but the past few days I've had trouble getting Internet connectuon-then I figured out I had to do a program update on my ph so I think that was the problem. I have thought of you each day though & wondered how you are. Now I can get back on the Internet I'll really start looking for jobs for you. How have you been? Did you get over your cold? And hey have you been watching the wire & what do you honestly think? Another series which won awards & was brilliant is "The Sopranos"- I guess it's an American drug mafia based series but the characters are incredible & I can't recommend that highly enough. It's more fast paced than the wire & socks you straight in. The wire is great but I guess it focuses on social issues. The Sopranos is straight drama, based around a family where the father is the head of the American mafia. It's a type that you can't stop watching, heaps of action & the greatest characters. I'd really recommend you give that a go, everyone I know has loved it & it's been a massive hit in most countries. You may even have heard of it. I don't watch tv-rarely if at all & I don't watch onyx movies.  But the wire & the sopranos are best I've ever watched-diffrent to each other & I think the wire has 6 series & the sopranos has 5. You could problem get the sopranos hire at DID store or if you want to get the series go to Jb Hifi where you'd get the whole series pretty reasonable. Do you ever get a chance to read? One of the best books I read was written by the director of the wire. It's story based on drug dealers, range of great characters set in Baltimore. If your interested I'll get details to you-you can buy it online at Booktopia or fishpond for problems around $10. Those two online bookstores sell books at the cheapest prices anywhere-including new releases etc. Apart from all that-how are you feeling precious? How's the anxiety? Sometimes I find the anxiety is worst than anything else as it can prevent us from doing things we want or need to do & the physical symptoms are awful. I'm still battling it, it's awful as I wake up feeling that way before I even get started on my day. The stomach knots, breathing etc is awful. I'm running out of characters so I'll send this & look forward to hearing from you my dear friend. Thinking of you, Lve Mary xx

[Damaged]

Hey Mary great to hear from you hope you are doing well. I am kind of over the flu now, well enough to go back to work anyway. I started watching the wire really liking it so far, it seems to be reaaly complex,need to go back to jb hifi to get more. 

I’m a big fan of the sopranos. One of the best shows ever made. James Gandolfini  played that role so well. I don’t really get much of a chance to read at the moment, I still have a few thrillers lying around that I will read one day.

I am doing ok at the moment. I can’t complain too much. Anxiety is still an issue some days though. I seem to get anxiety over stupid things that I really shouldn’t worry about. I think I spend way too much time worrying about what people think of me which leads to anxiety. I shouldn’t worry about it though it’s a hard habit to break though it is holding me back a lot. I’m going to try to get out and do something this weekend. Not sure what yet, but just anything to get out of the house for a while. I bit tired of the four walls right now. But apart from that I’m doing ok.

So good to hear from you dear.Chat soon

Matthew xxx 

[Mares73]

My dear Matthew I'm sorry I haven't written-As I might have told you I don't currently have access to a computer so use my phone to get Internet & sometimes I can't get it. I don't know enough about computers to know what's best brand & price. I need to get one. Do you know any you would reccommend? Main use will be Internet but also need Microsoft for resume, letters etc. Such small keypad on my phone! Maybe jbi hifi would be best. I've been thinking of you & wondering how you are. How's the anxiety? And how's work? Your so strong to get up & go each day when it doesn't sound like a great environment. I want to change careers-ive always worked in policy & research type jobs but my personality is more suited to helping people. Although I have to be careful as I'm someone who would give so much that I'd have to learn to watch for those who just take advantage. I've been burnt many times trying to help people. But I have such a strong heart & people respond to me very easily so I guess it's getting a balance. Did I tell you up bought a caboodle pup? (King Charles cavalier X poodle). He's my love. Called him Marlo & can't wait til his allowed outside & I could go to Centennial Park. Are you still watching the wire? Hey I can't remember do you take an antidepressant? And do you see anyone? It must be tough at end of week not having anyone to do things with, pity I can't come along! You really are strong Matthew & I totally understand the need to feel your part of the world by doing things & having fun. Can't remember last time I went out & had fun. I'll try write daily so we touch base more regularly. Bet it's cold your way. I know cause until 4 yrs ago I'll I've at Ingle burn & grew up in housing commission in Macquari Fields. People used to act like they couldn't believe I grew up there & was a decent person. So many stereotypes & now I'm renting in eastern suburbs I find many people act as though they are above others. Yes I guess growing up in poverty has made me resentful of those who have so many privileges & think that makes them a better person. Oh also I asked jbi hifi to recommends something for me like a drama as I liked Sopranos & the Wire. They recommended Tremme which is a series set in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. I'll let you know what it's like. I'm running out of my word allowance so I'll send this & hope you are on & be greattto hear back. Lovetto youx Maryx

[Brokenandbruised]

Hi damaged,

just wanted to say hi. My real name is Gabby and I'm 41 and female. I'm experiencing a major depressive episode right right. I take anti- depressants and other medications, but nothing is working so far. It's hard to even get out of bed. I've had do many disappointments in life. I too hope to find someone to spend the rest if my life with. But I'm giving up hope. Hope to hear back from you.

take care,

Gabby

[Damaged]

Hey Mary. How is it  going? Good to hear from you.

I had kind of a rough day, but that’s life right.:)

I’m doing ok though, at work I am trying to just do my job and not engage too much in the office politics that ensues on most days which is making life easier there. The hours and the pay are still issues though.

I forced myself to go out to the blue mountains on the weekend, It was good to get out of the house for a while though at the same time was hard to really enjoy being out alone, I still feel really self-conscious being out alone most of the time.  It was really cold tooJ It is kind of tough not having anyone to get me motivated to go out and do more things.

Re computers I would recommend ASUS as a good brand for laptops, I can look out for a good deal if you like? Though JB is probably a safe bet.

So great that you have a dog now.  I would love to get a dog though I just can’t in my current situation. But I am sure he will be great for you.

Finished the first season of the wire and loved it, will get the next one soon. I really like how it gives the view from both sides. Really well made show.

Still on meds and need to make an appointment soon for therapy though it’s been so busy at work I haven’t had time yet.

Anyway good to hear from you your post picked me up a bit on a kind of down day. Big Hug,

Matthew.

Hi Gabby I know where you are coming from as far as medication goes. You may need to go back to your gp to get put on something different. I have tried a few different tablets over time and it can take a while to get results sometimes. Well it did with me anyway. I know what you mean about disappointments in life. Just hang in there. I hope you feel better.Talk to you soon

Matthew

[Damaged]

Hey Mary

Are you still out there? I hope you are ok. I’m missing your company:)

Not much to report here, still in much the same situation as the last time I posted.

Feeling very insecure a lot of the time still haven’t been to therapy due to money issues( so many bills) which is keeping me down a bit. I am sure I will feel better once I go.

Oh and how is Marlo going?

Anyway just thought I would check in, I hope you read this and reply. I know you have probably got a lot on, but it would be great to hear from you 

Matthew ox  

[Mares73]

My dear Matthew I wrote you a long post a few days ago but it hasn't turned up. Sorry that you didn't get it. I really need to start looking into getting a computer as it's not always reliable getting online with my Samsung phone. I've been wondering how you are.

I know how hard it is to think of doing something on your own as then there's nobody to talk to about it etc. Lately I've been hearing in the news how much people these days rely on social connections through Facebook etc. I've never joined but I'm interested in what's it all about. 

[Damaged]

Hi Mary. Hope you are doing ok. I'm kinda alright. Just a bit bored right now. Things are very quiet at work which is giving me lots of time to think, which is not really good for me at the moment. 
I am on Facebook though don't really use it much. I can see why people like it though.
Anyway good to hear from you. Hope to chat soon. 
Matthew xo

[Mares73]

My dear Matthew I'm so sorry I've been out of touch & even my last post was incomplete. I've been really sick with the flu & as I write this I am still in pjs not doing much at all as I feel so weak. Back to Drs for antibiotics tomorrow. How are you? I have been wondering how you are. Boredom is awful, it's like having no motivation, you just feel what's the point of doing this. I understand where your at.  Do you think the meds your on are effective? How long have you been taking them? And hey are you still watching the wire? Hope you like it. I'm watching Tremendous at the moment when I can concentrate. I got a call on Friday that I'm to attend the Royal Commission on 13 August. Pretty anxious & know I have to sit down & write my story as I'll be upset on the day so got to deal with that. Realised I'd been self medicating to block out my feelings. Need to stop that.  Gee it's easy to get into unhealthy patterns almost without realising it.  I hope your ok, you are so strong in how you are managing so much alone. I wish I could do more & be there for you. Big hugs & look forward to hearing from you x Mary xxx

[Damaged]

Hey Mary.

 hope you feel better soon. I had the flu pretty bad a few weeks ago.

 am still taking meds they are effective to a degree though it doesn’t take much for me to fallapart some days.I need to see a GP about them soon. I also need to go back to therapy.

I finished watching the wire and loved the first season I will get more dvd’s at some point. At the moment  I have started watching Orange is the new black. Which is a funny/scary look into the women’s  prison system in America. It’s probably not for everyone though worth a look. It is based on  true story too.

I went out for a drive today to the northern beeches to try to get out for a bit. Though

I was too scared to get out of my car when I got there. I am still not really sure why? Though at least I got out for a bit?

Thank you for all your support and I know you are going through a very stressful time.

If I can do anything to help please let me know.

Anyhoo I have to get ready for the daily grind tomorrow. Keep your chin up and hope to chat soon.

Matthew XO