How to get interested in life again?

Damaged · ‎13-05-2014

Hi all. I have been suffering anxiety and depression for a really long time. I am really trying to beat it though I always seem to find myself repeating the same patterns because anything outside of my standard routine is too hard to deal with. My life at the moment life consists of a 58 hour work week which doesn’t leave much time for anything through the week. On the weekends I catch up on house work, sleep and maybe see a movie and that’s about it.

I have recently started going to therapy again and she told me I should find a hobby and find groups of people to meet up with,though meeting in any kind of group is kind of like hell for me. On top of that I really don’t have anything that I am interested in at the moment. Most of the time I just feel pretty empty inside. I guess I have lost interest in most things over the years.

I Know I need to socialize more if I want to improve, and there has to be more to life than work and bills though I am not sure where to start?

Maybe I am

past the point of no return?

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Damaged · ‎13-06-2014

Hey. Hyprion. Hey you can call me Matthew, Its fine, where all in this together. You are totally right though.I don’t see myself as being strong at all. Most of the time I feel very weak. Though I still manage to function for the most part I guess.

The support that I have had since being on here is amazing, I would be in a much darker place without it.

If it has been advised that you go on anti-depressants you should really take them. They are nothing to fear. They just take some adjusting to, and will effect every person differently. I’m not sure meds are the only answer though they definitely have their place. I’m sure Scott will be able to give a more detailed view on this if he is around. I know how you feel in regards to your family situation. It is exactly the same for me right now. I will try again this weekend to call them though I think at this point I would be better to just try to live my life without them .Life would be a lot simpler. Anyhoo. Thanks for your support. It really means a lot. And don’t worry you are not intruding at all, feel free to chat anytime. You should really create your own thread and let people in, trust me it will help. Hope to talk to you soon.

Hey Mati.

How are you? The same goes for you as above. You are not intruding at all. I am glad for all your responses. This forum is really my only social activity outside of work at the moment so I really appreciate the kind words and points of view. What is your current situation?

Hope you are doing ok and hope to chat soon.

Cheers Matthew.

Hyperion · ‎13-06-2014

Hi Matthew,

yeah the jury is still out on the meds for me. I'm kind of waiting to hear a few more opinions about it. The GP has asked to see me again early next week so I will go and have another discussion, I just hope I make it through this one without crying. I feel so lame. I know it is just me thinking the worse of myself but it also seems like I'm an observer in my own life. Do you feel the same sometimes? Does anyone else.

You do have a great support here Matthew, and like you this is really my only social outlet. Yeah I pretend to laugh and share stories with others but I never let them in to see what is really happening. I'm too afraid of loosing the interaction.

Last night after I read all your posts and the responses, I truly felt uplifted. I was pleased for you and for the fact that there are obviously some really nice people out there. I'm married with kids, and my wife is supportive but I feel I can't expect her to take everything in. I need some other input, different points of view. So it gave me great hope to read all the support you have received. I will post my story one day and hopefully I will also find what you have.

Keep strong Matthew, as I have said before there are people around who care for you.

Mares73 · ‎14-06-2014

Hi Matthew I wrote a long response to issues raised in your last post to me & then the system crashed & I lost it. I also don't have a computer at the moment so plus forgive spelling as its hard typing on a phone. Firstly it's great a few other new people have written how they relate to you-i hope they each get the courageous to start their own threads as I can reassure them they will be listened to & develop friendships-its worth the effort as I'm sure many would write to them also about their own issues. But this thread is about you so I need to focus on that. I may have to write 2 msgs as I thought a lot about issues from your last post. Your first concern was worry re the future & how things you do now will impact on your future. I'm not sure if that worry concerns financial security or other things? Firstly we need to get you feeling better on a daily level, the future is unknown-yes we can plan for it but if your not happy now then I think worries about the future need to be set aside for a bit. Also what are those worries? I then asked you the top 5 worries that are currently worrying you & taking from your life. No 1 was money. That's a big thing to list above all other things in your life. Money is transient & if I asked the question differently ie would you choose money or contentment as a priority-i think you'd choose contentment. I appreciate financial security is a big issue but I know your in a low paying job so if you start looking for a new job you can aim for one that at least pays better than your current one. Also if you want to hold onto your place then perhaps Scotts idea about switching to paying interest only might be a good option for the moment? I have no assets but then I believe life experiences are what you remember if faced with illness etc. You can't take money to the grave so to speak but to live a fulfilling life full of experiences is what most of us hope to achieve in our lives. I'm not negating your worries about money-i guess I'm trying to suggest options to take some pressure off you during this tough time-hence my suggestion re the interest only loan & aiming for a better paid job. No 2 for you was job security & satisfaction which closely links to No 1. So perhaps put finding a higher paying more rewarding job as your top goal for the moment. No 3 was anxiety & how it affects your choices. I can strongly relate to that as anxiety can prevent us from taking action & immobilized us.

Mares73 · ‎14-06-2014

Yes anxiety can immobilized us & make it hard to take action. It can limit our ability to do even things we want to do. I think support is the best way to get help to move beyond our fears & you can use this forum to discuss your fears as they come up. I don't really have anyone to discuss that feeling of "being stuck" with but I know this forum can really help with ideas when we are unable to take action that we want to take but the dreaded anxiety stops us. No 3 was finding things that interest you-im also facing this challenge. I can waste whole days because I have no idea what to do with myself. I like reading crime fiction & I don't really watch TV-BUT I can recommend the series "The Wire" which ever one I know whose seen it finds it awesome-drama set around social problems. I'll keep trying of things to do & we can share ideas. No 4 & 5 re how to be content & have a purpose in life is also something I'm struggling with. I think if I had things I enjoyed doing & a social network it would help heaps. But I don't & having a purpose in life is so important so I'll think more about that & see if I find any ideas to share. And your last issue raised was how to trust people. It's really hard to trust when you have been hurt before. I think trust is something that grows between people when they are equally open & sharing of themselves-and it takes time-its not something you can just do. Matthew you have so much insight & self awareness-i know that you can have a good life including job, relationships & security. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have our issues & it meant a lot to me that you trusted enough to open up about yourself. You will get a better job-that sounds like your priority for now. Try also to remember you are far from alone in what you are feeling. As I said I can relate to much of what you said. In the end I think we all just want to experience happiness, love & contentment in our lives. You have clear goals to work towards. And I hope if you want me too-t hat I can help listen & support you on your journey. You are special & you will get past the dark times. Hope your getting some rest. Talk soon, Lve Mary x

Damaged · ‎15-06-2014

Hello Mary. Thanks for your post it has made me feel a bit better today, maybe there is some hope for me.:)

I guess my concern about the future is that I will never get better and I will always feel this way and ultimately die alone. I understand what you mean about how money shouldn’t be so high on my list, though not having money to do things is kind of limiting as well. Though I do wonder if I had money to do things would anxiety hold me back anyway.

know that life experiences are what I should be trying to aim for, though without anyone to share them with it seems like it is for no purpose to a degree.

I have heard good things about the wire, so I will be sure to check it out, not nearly enough good things on tv to watch.

Thanks for the advice. I will try not to think about the future as much. Maybe I need to switch of a bit and just try to enjoy one day at a time? I have always found it hard to just go with the flow.

You take care of yourself dear.

Thanks Matthew.

Mares73 · ‎15-06-2014

Hi Matthew I must of just missed you! I totally understand & fear myself as to whether I will ever get better. As to dying alone, you are a lovely person & it's a matter of meeting someone who will understand & support you-there is someone out there you just don't know it. I also understand not having money is limiting so I apologise for how I explained that-money makes life a lot easier & I didn't mean to discount that-I guess my main concern was how you were feeling. Yes again I too wish I could enjoy life experiences but no it's no fun on your own. It is hard to go with the flow & looking back at my msgs I think I so wanted to pick you up & try find positives. But your response is reality & it's very hard. I'm about to send you a post I've been trying to send you all morning. But before I go-honestly the BBC "the wire" series is the best drama based on real social problems & incredible characters that you never forget. And I'm not one for TV or movies much but this series you can buy at Jibi hifi is unbelievably incredible. The characters I could relate to. It's set in Baltimore & goes through policing issues, social housing, drug use & how people struggle differently to survive their environment. Can't recommend it enough. Ok now ill try my other msg. Lve Mary

Mares73 · ‎15-06-2014

Hi Matthew well I lost the msg but it was basically to say I woke up in tears overwhelmed by the world & anxious at doing housework with thoughts of "is this what my life's come too?" I so want to escape, I'm so lonely, I have no one to talk too & ill spend my day lacking in purpose whilst I'm full of self hate. I want to run away somewhere I don't have to deal with responsibilities. So I guess I was trying to say we all have dark days where what should be simple is way too hard. I hope whatever your doing that you get through today ok. Lve Mares

Damaged · ‎15-06-2014

Hey again. I know the feeling of wanting to escape, not at home though at work all the time, so I understand where you are coming from. It's like we are locked in a prison cell that only we hold the key to, but still can't escape. That's how I see things anyway.

I know what you are saying about there being someone out there who will understand and be supportive. I just hope I get a chance to meet them before it's too late.

Anyway thanks for the kind words, you are very sweet.

I have to go and get some things done before I go back to the daily grind tomorrow.

Talk to you soon.OX

Matthew

Mares73 · ‎16-06-2014

Hi Matthew I write this through tears & though immobilizing anxiety. Bad day hey. Don't know how bad your anxiety gets but it's an awful feeling racing heart, knots in stomach ready to jump at slightest noise. It's stopping me getting out of house so my days are lonely & lack purose. I spend all day without talking to a single person. Can't wait til this Royal commission stuff is over & I can look for work again. Pity hey you haven't got anyone to do things with & neither have I. Sorry about this ms maybe should delete it. My purpose in writing to you was to say good luck & I'm thinking of you given its a Monday morning. Hope it goes fast for you. Oh & I keep forgetting to tell you I always smile when you say "Take care dear"- I think of you as an old man in his pj's lol!!! Not in bad way just Noone my age & your age has ever called me "dear" unless they were an oldie lol! So have a decent day Matthew my dear! Love Mary xx

Damaged · ‎16-06-2014

Hey Mary. Sorry to hear you are still in a dark place. I hope your day has improved from this morning. I know what you mean about the anxiety and knots in the stomach. In therapy I was told to do breathing exercises when things get that bad, though I have found that when you are at that point it does nothing to help. I’m sure you will be in a better place once the Royal Commission is behind you. Do you know how long it will take?

I agree it sucks not having anyone to get out and do things with.

I’m so glad Mondays over. It wasn’t such a bad day I am just really tired.

Sorry I guess dear is a bit of a old fashioned expression. Lol . But hey I’m glad it made you smile:)

Would like to write more though have gotta go and get dinner, followed by a really long sleep

You look after yourself Mary.

Talk to you soon.

Matthew