How to Explain Depression/Anxiety to a Non Believer

[blondguy]

Hello Everyone! and any new posters too!

Having had depression and anxiety for over 30 years explaining the illness whether to a boss, partner or family member can be difficult. I have seen numerous people post desperate to find a way to explain it to people that just don't understand. Even worse is explaining depression to
ignorant people that think we should just 'snap out of it' and 'move forward'

I have a couple that have worked

• In Business When I have had a boss that has a closed mind I have told them 'its like claustrophobia without the closed in spaces'
• Family Member non believer. I have explained it as 'Diabetes of the Brain' as there is a chemical link. 'Invisible Crutches' also works

A Community Champion on the forums mentioned to copy the info under 'The Facts' (or Supporting Someone with depression) print it and provide a copy to the person that is trying but cant understand depression. A fabulous idea!

Lastly we have the people that tell us to 'snap out of it' and wont listen or even try to understand....I find communicating the following to them can 'wake them up'..............

'Depression is a serious illness........just like diabetes or heart disease

Expecting positive thinking to cure depression is like expecting a person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy thoughts'

The name (noun) of this illness 'depression' is a failure of the english language as we know it. The illness is badly named, inaccurate and gives no justice to the severity of the illness and its symptoms.

There are many people that read the Beyond Blue Forums and choose not to post which is fine. There are also many people on the forums that may find your advice beneficial too! If you have any ways of 'Explaining depression' when people give you that 'there is really nothing wrong with you look' please do share any knowledge or advice so we can help others find some peace in their lives

Thankyou for reading my post 🙂

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[blondguy]

Hey Chris, thankyou for the great video bites to help explain and increase understanding where depression and anxiety is concerned. I think many people will benefit from 'how people are feeling' . Nice1 and thankyou too 🙂

[lyle]

yes, I've been diagnosed with depression, as I told my dr, i feel I've hit a brick wall, he has been extremely supportive, that's great, my problem, other than having depression is my spouse, she really can't understand why, nor can I, but, I feel I'm been treated (by her) as though its completely curable very quickly, I'm active, do garden chores, play golf, walk etc, but, really have troubles communicating, its a real bummer!!!!

[blondguy]

Hello Lyle

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for having the courage to post too!

I understand where you are coming from as I have also been through the same with a partner too

Some people are fortunate as they have never had to go through this awful illness. The frustrating part is that our loved ones dismiss Depression as 'temporary' or even worse.....'there is a quick fix'.....As you know most of the time there isnt a quick fix.

I have worked hard...(as you have) to heal and build a foundation on which I can recover. Depression is a crappy name that has been given to a chronic disorder/illness....(once diagnosed)

I have provided a link to Beyond Blue's Supporting Someone with Depression ----or anxiety below for your info

Sometimes people choose to print it out (the relevant parts) and leave a copy on the table/benchtop for their partner to read...

www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

I have had to provide parts of this section to people that still think there is a 'quick fix'

Depression is is partially physical illness to begin with (once diagnosed) and requires the same support as any physical illness....broken limbs....a severe infection.....etc

I hope you can stick around the forums Lyle...if you wish of course. There are many gentle people on the forums that are going through the same as you are.

My Kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Mathy]

Wow! This thread is very useful, glad it got resurrected, thank you, cheers M 🙂

[blondguy]

Thanks Mathy

I had to look twice when I read the thread title!

Appreciate the kind feedback Mathy and thanks to Lyle for getting it back online too 🙂

Paul

[lyle]

Paul,

Many thanks for your response, Its putting me on a different path, which I'm sure will help, many thanks again

Lyle

[geoff]

hi Paul, a great topic to discuss, especially if you have elderly parents who have never known what depression is, because when they were young and had long periods or reoccurring periods of being deep sadness, they were just told to 'get on with their work or a kick up their behind', so you had to drag yourself away and try and chop that pile of wood.
Now if you're depressed just imagine how much work you could do, well not much.
A great example that actually happened with me was when I was walking my previous puppie down at the park, I started having a daily conversation witrh an elderly chap, a lovely old man, but both his knees were needed to be replaced, but he said he was too old.
So he and I had a developed a plationac r/ship where most days he was at the park and so was I, so our puppies could have a free run, however at that time I was suffering badly from depression and he wanted to know how it feels to be depressed.
Well I printed off material on depression, tried to explain how it feels all to no avail., until he was put into a nursing home, and was diagnosed with brain cancer.
His mood deterioarted, but very pleased to see me each day, so I asked him how he felt and asked him if the doctor had given him any new medication, his answer antidepressants, that's when he knew what depression was.
Before he didn't know but there's an old saying to prove the point, and I mean no harm to this poor old man or to anyone else, and it go like this 'the proof is in the pudding'. Geoff.

[Moonstruck]

If someone who has known me for a long time asks the standard "How are you?". (as distinct from the casual greeting of a little-known acquaintance)....I sometimes hesitate and realise "what's the point of replying, HONESTLY, with "I have been feeling depressed for some time now"..

when answers in the past have included "WHY?". (What kind of answer is that? ) I feel like saying "Would you like me to make a list, elaborate in detail?". I could do exactly that for them if that's what they want!

They would have to be prepared for me to begin crying immediately I started answering their question.

Other responses I have had include "Everyone experiences loss and pain at some time". or...."there's nothing much you can do...it's just life". "Plenty of people worse off than you".

"How do you explain?". You can't. I can't anyway.

[white knight]

Hi blondeguy,

Good topic.

I had a school friend in 1972, we went back a long way. He never could connect with my emotional side nor I to his impenetrable religious views. Everytime we met he'd mention how I should believe in Christianity. But I just went along with it, he was an amazing bloke.

Then many years later his father passed on. It was the first time I'd seen him cry. Some time later I asked him to describe that feeling and he did. Then I told him, what if you felt that every second day?

But alas, he just didnt get it. I have since arrived at the belief that some people either can never get it, dont have the patience to want to try or are too wrapped up in their own self to extend some kindness.

Several years ago there was a fire here in the country. I was a member of the fire brigade and mounted the truck. Off we went. My friend was out shopping. We went from spot fire to spot fire and he passed us. We eventually put a fire out that threatened his home.

When we next met up he told me he saw me on the fire truck and that he prayed for me. I fumed inside thinking it would be better had he joined us. I then realised were were a mismatch. I believe in freedom of religion until it gets that far where it effects your friendship.

Compatibility takes many facets to prove itself. Some common themes is rarely enough.

On another topic - positivity. Totally agree when it comes to being so positive as to hope it cures us is ridiculous. It sure helps when coming out of a mood cycle though. Its also satisfying. It means you achieve results more in your daily life when you set yourself challenges you normally wouldnt focus on.

Moonstruck- I understand. Most friends arent really interested in putting in the time to comfort. By comparing sufferers with the average persons ups and downs is set to ridicule you. Its another way to say "snap out of it".

There is only two conclusions to this imo.Passive/aggressive. You either have faith that they mean well but are uneducated and they might eventually understand enough to become a reasonable friend or they never will and...thats the end!

I wont waste my time.

Some cant extend their mind and I'm not in this world to persuade them to. By being so staunch it has eliminated many from my life to make way for others more deserving.

Am I too hardline?

Tony WK

[Sad_Mushroom]

HI Paul and all,

I remember years ago getting fed up with even trying to explain. When people would ask "how are you today?" I'd pull a face, stick out my tongue and blow a raspberry. Then I'd ask how were they going.

Trying to explain to some people was pointless and it only made me feel as if I was worse off and disconnected more than I was with 'society'. Then my dad (who was a chronic non-believer) simply said "why do you care what they think sweatheart? Do they pay your bills? Do they pay your rent? Do they feed you and clothe you?" NO!

From then on I had a whole new outlook. I used to explain my anxiety in simple terms hoping that if non-believers began with baby steps they'd work up to big steps. I realised I could not force understanding on people, they had to learn it for themselves.

The biggest thing I learnt, was that I didn't have to explain to people if I didn't want to. Which meant if I was going to explain, I was doing so as my choice and not because I was trying to make excuses for what some person thought of me. Some non-believers can go out of their way to make you feel like you are just making excuses. Then you end up trying to explain why you are explaining and can even start to doubt your own explanation. Not anymore.

I find most people are curious enough and I ask if they have ever felt nervous or panicky, gotten butterflies in their belly or felt sick when they've had to make a speech etc. Generally they reply Yes. Then I ask them to imagine feeling like that all day every day and instead of butterflies fluttering imagine it was bats flapping in their belly.

It's simple and not too much for them to comprehend. Most times the conversation progresses into something more detailed, where we can discuss other and more serious issues involved. I find it's starting with something simple that they can relate to which helps them get their head around it and want to know more.

I'd say take it easy, begin simple and connect the dots along the way for people. It's hard for them to understand something they can not see, hear or feel.

SM