How to Explain Depression/Anxiety to a Non Believer

[blondguy]

Hello Everyone! and any new posters too!

Having had depression and anxiety for over 30 years explaining the illness whether to a boss, partner or family member can be difficult. I have seen numerous people post desperate to find a way to explain it to people that just don't understand. Even worse is explaining depression to
ignorant people that think we should just 'snap out of it' and 'move forward'

I have a couple that have worked

• In Business When I have had a boss that has a closed mind I have told them 'its like claustrophobia without the closed in spaces'
• Family Member non believer. I have explained it as 'Diabetes of the Brain' as there is a chemical link. 'Invisible Crutches' also works

A Community Champion on the forums mentioned to copy the info under 'The Facts' (or Supporting Someone with depression) print it and provide a copy to the person that is trying but cant understand depression. A fabulous idea!

Lastly we have the people that tell us to 'snap out of it' and wont listen or even try to understand....I find communicating the following to them can 'wake them up'..............

'Depression is a serious illness........just like diabetes or heart disease

Expecting positive thinking to cure depression is like expecting a person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy thoughts'

The name (noun) of this illness 'depression' is a failure of the english language as we know it. The illness is badly named, inaccurate and gives no justice to the severity of the illness and its symptoms.

There are many people that read the Beyond Blue Forums and choose not to post which is fine. There are also many people on the forums that may find your advice beneficial too! If you have any ways of 'Explaining depression' when people give you that 'there is really nothing wrong with you look' please do share any knowledge or advice so we can help others find some peace in their lives

Thankyou for reading my post 🙂

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[pipsy]

Hi C.F. Your hubby has the same attitude as my ex FIL. Think positive and that's the answer. However thinking positive isn't always practical. Depression like any other illness has to be understood, to understand it means you either suffer from it, or you are a carer. It's possible your hubby thinks he may 'catch it' from you, so if you think 'positive' you can't catch it. I don't mean to imply he's ignorant, but quite often people who don't understand it do have this belief. There is a list at the bottom of this page where there is info regarding depression, those who have it, those who care for someone who has it. Have you tried downloading some of the info and letting hubby read it in his own time. If he can read it, it may give him more insight. Because it can't be seen or described, it is hard to explain. Unlike cold, flu, tummy bug etc, depression is usually an imbalance which needs to be diagnosed and treated with AD's. Sometimes depression is short term, brought on by death in the family, separation/divorce. No matter what has brought it on, the sufferer needs help, guidance, understanding. Ignorant remarks by non-believers exacerbate it and quite often the sufferer suffers in silence because of the stigma and ignorance. Please don't suffer, you don't have to feel alone. Perhaps asking your Dr for referral to a counsellor/therapist would be a good start.

Lynda

[blondguy]

Hi Meen_K

Thankyou for having the strength and post and welcome too. Lynda is spot on with her advise. I am really sorry that your parents arent aware that post natal depression is still an illness. Not a feeling or a mood. If you can get back to us and let us know if you have or are going to see your GP that would be great. You are not alone..Paulx

CF Hi! and welcome too! Thankyou for responding. I see Lynda has given some excellent advice for you. I know its really difficult with your husband and others that 'just dont get it'. Depression is like having 'invisible crutches' that other people can see or appreciate. You mentioned "drowning in the middle of an ocean"
You are so very right there..an excellent way to sum up how you feel. I wish your husband could understand that depression is no different than a serious physical illness..Its actually partially chemically based so it is really no different.

you are not alone here..

It would be great if you could let us know (Meen_K too) how you are going. You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish....Paulx ......and thankyou Lynda..x

[CakeFace]

Thanks Paul & Lynda for your replies. Yes it's hard as he so is positive & optimistic. He believes that the only way to get better is to just get on with it & fix the things you don't like in life. With depression I don't think it is that easy though. I think other ppl think that after a while you should just be over it. Like take medication, see a doctor and get on with it but it's never that easy.

[CMF]

Having been married to a non believer I was told my depression was me looking for attention and my anxiety was me being a failure.

Depression...being engulfed by a big wave of sadness. the wave is dragging me under and I cant fight it to get back to the top, to see the daylight, it's too heavy and the pressure I feel in my chest is suffocating. I feel so helpless...

cmf

[pipsy]

Hi cmf. Neither depression nor anxiety are expressions of failure, nor attention seeking. They are conditions that need immediate attention. When we're constantly told we're seeking attention by feigning an illness that's 'in our minds', it can be soul destroying. Have you looked at the list at the bottom of the page re: depression and how to recognize the symptoms and seek help. If you still are experiencing that overpowering, suffocating wave, you are in need of help. Is there anyone you can call on to be there for you? You are free to call our helpline 24/7, or lifeline. You could also phone an ambulance to take you to your nearest hospital. Are you on AD's for depression, if you can call a Dr, please do so. There are after hours emergency Dr's available, you are not alone.

Lynda

[CMF]

Lynda,

Thank you. I'm not feeling like that currently, in fact my depression has improved. sorry if I alarmed you 🙂

Thank you for being on the ball and for caring.

cmf x

[pipsy]

Hi cmf. You didn't alarm me, I just wanted to make sure you knew who you could turn to if necessary. Pleased you are feeling better. Thank you for letting me know you're okay. I'd rather know it was a 'false alarm' than think you were sick and had no-one.

Lynda

[blondguy]

Hi CF, your husband means well but if he was the one with this dreadful illness, I dont think he would have the same aloof opinion. Just a polite reminder for your husband from my initial post;

"Expecting positive thinking to cure depression is like expecting a
person with diabetes to lower their blood sugar level by thinking happy
thoughts'"

I am glad you have posted CF and thankyou for writing back too:-) Paulx

[blondguy]

Hey CMF, thanks for responding 🙂 Very much like CF above. I really hope that people like your ex husband dont ever have to experience this serious and debilitating illness. I am like yourself cmf and have been fortunate to have improved. Paulxx

Lynda, thankyou for having your heart in the right place and for your invaluable help on this thread. Paulxx

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone, just chipping in again. Reading through, it's sad to hear that a number of you have had less-than-ideal experiences in trying to explain depression or anxiety to someone close to you, and I'm hoping we can use this thread to learn from those experiences and find a way forward for others.

There is a lot of work still to be done out there to increase understanding, but I wouldn't want anyone reading to think that reaching out and telling someone how they're feeling is a bad idea because of the reaction they may or may not get.

Below are a couple of videos we've made, one speaking to older men and one to older women, from our Have The Conversation series. Their fears and experiences are similar to what we've been discussing here in this thread, it'd be great if you could watch these through (they're about 4 minutes each) and perhaps share your own thoughts.

One of the key themes that comes through in all these stories is how each person focused on trying to explain how they were feeling, and how those feelings were affecting them in their daily lives, rather than talking about depression or anxiety. Perhaps this helps? What do you think?