How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

[Wild_]

Hi team,

Over the last few days, I've found myself getting angry/outwardly irritated with those around me.  It has been turning into an argument about how I am not good enough in the situation.  I feel like its a part of my depression, and am having trouble stopping and walking away. 

I wonder - do you have the same problem?  If so, how do you stop it in the moment?  How do you beat it before it happens?  Happy to take suggestions.

[Legion]

New medication (for me)  slowed the cycling down from dark depression and murderous rage.

It's still lurks beneath, just a slower fuse.

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

This is certainly a good discussion about depression and anger. It is important we can share how we feel with others, so we don't feel like we are suffering from something that no one else experiences.

Recently I was made very aware at how different I approached life when at home with my husband compared to away from the house and away from my husband. My Dr had me fill in one of those forms about emotions and feelings with a varying grade of how you feel.

My anger, stress and depression was so much higher when I was at home with my husband! I realise now part of that is because my expectations and desires are so different from his.

Like someone mentioned above, when your self esteem is low and you think you are worthless, your depression can increase and with me that is a loss of a sense of control, so out pops anger!

Thankfully I have it more in control now!

Hope you are all having a lovely calm and relaxing weekend!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[wow_za]

Hello Mrs Dools,

This is me in a nutshell - thank you for your post as it really made me feel like I am not alone...for once. I can absolutely relate to your feelings of anger at home vs. not at home. Up until very recently, I'd never really done anything or even admitted to myself how bad my anger was - to be honest I just seemed to ignore that aspect of my depression and never saw the association. I think because my anger manifested most obviously in my relationship with my partners, that I just assumed the relationship and my partners were the problem (terrible and ignorant, I know). I always found it conflicting about how I was always much more volatile to anger at home. But you hit the nail on the head - I have an exceptionally high expectation from my partner (which likely isn't fair), and I just feel really hurt and resentful when he doesn't support me in the way that I need him to. This is largely my fault though - although I've always been honest about having depression, I've never really made him aware of when I am actually suffering a setback or going through a dark period. My mistake has definitely being not communicating or expressing myself and my needs, and then just expecting him to understand. It's reassuring to know, however, that the anger is a symptom of the depression; that it's not just the way I am and that is can be managed; and most importantly, that this isn't just happening to me. 

Thank you for sharing your experiences, as it has definitely shed a light on my own experiences and helped me to understand my anger triggers a bit more (especially at home). 

J 

[topsy_]

This has been a great read. Thanks everyone for contributing. Isn't it funny (maddening) how we expect our partners to know, as if by osmosis, how we are feeling & how we would like them to respond?!

Some time ago I was told about "types" of love. I cant remember all the examples but it turned out that I feel loved & valued when I receive a special gift whereas my partner feels that way if he is made a special meal & if the housework is done (😠😠🤔😘)!! Our expectations are different & unless we are aware of those differences we might miss our partners "love signals". It really helped me a lot to learn that (though I still don't like doing the housework!!)

[Doolhof]

Hi Yellownanna,

There is a book called "The Five Love Languages." which describes different ways people feel love and give out love.

There is information about the 5 Love Languages on the internet. One of my counsellors actually printed out a questionnaire that helps you work out what your love language is.

It does make life easier if you can work out what makes you happier, and also what makes the main people in your life feel better about life.

It is a bit tough when your partner likes to have the house clean and you dislike housework! Just a suggestion, try to do a little bit of house work every couple of days, that way you don't have to do it all at once.

I try to get as much housework done as is possible during the week so I don't have to do it on the weekend. If it means getting up early one morning a week to do some of the washing, then that is okay.

Have a think about how you might be able to do things differently to make it all a bit easier for you!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Wowza J,

Thanks for sharing your story regarding your anger issues and depression. It is great that we can all share here how we are feeling and know that we will be supported and understood.

I have learnt to tell my husband when I am feeling rather depressed or angry. It helps me to recognise it for myself also and to then think about how I am going to manage my feelings.

Today I had a moment of anger and frustration so I decided to go out into the garden. I picked up sticks, raked up heaps of leaves and did a bit of a general clean up.

My anger increased a little when the ride on lawn mower decided it was not going to work no matter what I did. Instead of getting really angry, I picked up more sticks and tried the mower again after a few minutes.

Eventually it started. I decided I didn't want to be annoyed by the mower any longer and put it back in the shed.

I then showered, sat in a chair outside and read a book. I was then relaxed and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon. I have decided I will try to use the mower another day when my husband is not busy watching sport, so he can get the thing started again for me!

Communication certainly does help, as does being aware of your own feelings and working out what helps you to feel better when you are starting to get cranky or overly depressed.

Hope your weekend has been okay.

cheers form Mrs. Dools

[wow_za]

I did start taking meds again last Friday. I hope this helps me find a more consistent and less explosive calm for now. Will check back in when they've had a couple of weeks to acclimatise.