Feeling so lost and helpless

[LizBethGirl]

I don't know where to start. My basic story is that I have had self esteem/depression/anxiety issues for about 10 years (I'm 29) and they have recently gotten so bad that I don't see a way out. Last year I left an abusive relationship and I feel so lonely all the time being single. I just want to find someone who loves me for me and will accept me but I feel like no one will want me when I'm suffering from anxiety and depression. I feel like a burden on all of my family and friends and I feel like they won't want to be around me soon. I try so hard to keep going! I put on a happy face and I don't think anyone would have any idea how bad I feel inside. All of my friends are in relationships and they have their own lives and I just don't fit anywhere.

I feel so lost and helpless and that nothing will ever help me and I will never feel better. I just want to give up! I have started seeing a psychologist and she talks about CBT and changing my thinking but that feels impossible when I have thousands of negative thoughts running through my head every day.. I just don't want to feel like this anymore! I don't want to go on medication because I want to be able to get better by myself and not rely on pills to make me feel better.

I have been through so much and I just want a break from the bad! I'm miserable and numb and I don't think I can go on.

[JessF]

Hello LizBeth, I can hear the frustration in your post. You really want things to be better and you're so tired of feeling the way you do. Depression is exhausting and isolating, and self-defeating too because it will often stop us from doing the very things we need to do in order to start getting better.

From your post, it sounds like you really want things to get better, but you are also resisting some of the options for help that are open to you, like the techniques your therapist is suggesting, and the idea of medication. One of the things I find helpful when my mind is resisting things that could potentially help, is to make a bit of a deal with myself. Say, "I don't believe this is going to work, but I'm going to give it a try and see how it goes". When you've hit rock bottom, you have nothing to lose by trying things.

[CookieCrumble]

Hi LizBethGirl
I read your post and felt compelled to respond. I am in my 40s now – but I felt just like you when I was 29. My friends were all shacked up and I felt very alone. I’d had long term self-esteem issues. I seemed fine on the outside – good job, kind family etc – but the being single was so terribly isolating. It was an awful time. I did decide to take anti-depressant medication. I was on it for about two years – it helped so much. It was like it reminded me how I could feel good again – a fresh start. Even now when I feel a depression episode coming on (like now!) I am better able to identify it and take actions to stop it. If I hadn’t had the medication in my twenties, I would not have this ability to help myself. I do think it is worth trying it out. I can tell from your post you are a lovely
person and I want you to feel better.

I saw this sign the other day: “Everything is going to be
alright because you are super cool and really awesome”. It’s true: things will be okay for you.

[VincentVaughn]

Hi LizBeth,

Well let me start by saying the long winded thoughts of negative things are extremely common, infact you need a single trigger and a perfectly normal day will turn into a sorrowfest. I am in an abusive relationship right not (kind of) and my partner has no compassion or understanding of what its like to be me in my head so first of all Kudos for you for having the courage to move the hell on and start yourself over. In my years of going through life like hell I have learnt a few things. 1) Friends dont want a weepy creechy person, its like the similar ends of a magnet, the more you try to be close the harder the repel you. 2) The thought of finding love is what gets us into an absolutely eff up of a abusive relationship because we are so eager to be loved that we jump and hang on to anything that shows 1% of love. I know depression, loneliness can be really bad and im still going through it but there are so ways which can help you, I hope your not an introvert by nature because what I am about to tell you will be that much difficult if you are an introvert (I know cos I am). The best way to get a bit better and feel a bit better is to stop spending too much time at home, just walk about and make a routine of going out for anything from walks to going and seeing the sunset from somewhere... next thing is if possible get a dog.. honestly its the best thing ever... These are what has worked for me so I hope they will bring you some sense of relief too.. I really hope you recover... Im sure what lies ahead is much brighter than what you imagine it to be...

[Anahata]

LizBeth, I believe you can't be in a healthy relationship until you've gotten to the point where you enjoy your own company and are content on your own. Then you will be entering the relationship as equals, not as someone who needs love from an external source. If you don't love yourself, the love you get from another will never be enough.

I did CBT many years ago and don't remember much about it, but I think the point of it is to stem the flow of those negative thoughts, and to question them, so it may be worth your while to give it a go.

It sounds to me as if you see taking medication as a sign of weakness. It is really just a tool to help you get a new vantage point and restore you to normal functioning. You may not need to take it for very long, just enough to give you a leg up, so don't dismiss it out of hand.

Take some time to work on your self-esteem and self love. It may feel scary and weird at first, but it will change your life for the better and affect every aspect of your life into the future. Be gentle with yourself, having depression is much like having an injury, it is not a moral failing. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself space to heal.

[Frogy1]

Just a though, you said that you don't feel like you fit in anywhere, maybe you not in the right environment. I know how depression and anxiety can make us feel like we are trapped or create barriers. I don't know all the details of your situation but maybe a change of scenery could help you find your happiness or give you the excitment of life back, if you want to stay local you could try a seasonal job or look over seas

“We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.” – Anonymous