How do you stop yourself in a moment of anger caused by depression?

[Wild_]

Hi team,

Over the last few days, I've found myself getting angry/outwardly irritated with those around me.  It has been turning into an argument about how I am not good enough in the situation.  I feel like its a part of my depression, and am having trouble stopping and walking away. 

I wonder - do you have the same problem?  If so, how do you stop it in the moment?  How do you beat it before it happens?  Happy to take suggestions.

[Zeal]

Hi Wild,

Though I've had mental health challenges, I haven't personally experienced issues with anger. If you don't mind me asking, do you have a diagnosed mental health condition? If you are concerned about your mental health, seeing a doctor is a good first step.  

When you are at risk of reacting rashly in a situation, finding a distraction or outlet is vital. Physical outlets can be helpful. Leaving the room or space where you are, and doing something physical like a brisk walk or pounding up and down the stairs could be helpful. Some people find running very effective to let off some steam. For in the moment, try being aware of your body and the tension throughout it. You could join your hands firmly together in front of you, or focus on the pressure of your feet on the ground. This may sound a bit basic, but being aware of tension in your body and the space it occupies is an element of mindfulness, which can have a calming effect. There are simple online resources about mindfulness which you could check out.

I have anxiety, and in the past I've needed self-calming techniques. In an exam last year I was getting an anxious and panicky feeling in my chest. I put my palms against my forehead and took a bunch of deep even breaths for a few minutes, and found that got me over the intense overwhelming feeling.

I hope you can sort out some ways of overcoming these feelings of anger and frustration. Good luck with seeking help 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Wild_]

Thanks SM.

I have depression.  I thought I was through the worst of it (a stretch of 6-8 months), but it seems to be creeping up on me again - and my anger is one of my symptoms. 

Interesting suggestion about being aware of my tension - I will definitely try it out.  My anger problems are generally only triggered badly if there is someone around, which turns the situation into an argument.  Leaving the room mid-argument is not always possible, but I will definitely try what you suggested about applying pressure to hands etc and see if it works. 

Thanks for the suggestion 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Wild,

I totally understand the anger bit with depression. I try really hard to not let the anger get the better of me, but sometimes it just comes to a head before I realise I am on the boil! Next thing I know I am blowing up like a volcano!

When I am aware of just how stressed out and angry I am becoming I do try to calm myself down with deep breaths, telly myself this is not worth getting angry over or try to walk away.

I find I am generally angry with people who are closest to me...but not always. I have been know to scream out angrily at complete strangers.

Those times have been when my depression is really quite bad or when I feel like I am out of control.

My husband now points out tome that he things I am getting grumpy. Sometimes that helps me, othert times it makes me even angrier.

I do always try to apologise after I have been angry.

If you do feel like you depression is becoming worse again, think of ways to make yourself feel better, or seek help and assistance.

Try to find effective ways to get rid of your anger. If I am at home and I have trouble calming down, I will go for a walk, do some gardening, house work, sort out a cupboard or even sitting down to do a Sudoku puzzle helps now and then.

Google Anger management and see if anything there helps you as well.

All the best with finding a calmer state of mind.

From Mrs. Dools

[MarkJT]

Hey Wild, throughout my PTSD journey where anger is a major part of it, I had to learn to control it. I used breathing exercises heaps by using the PTSD Coach app (both google and itunes). I used mindfulness techniques such as listening to music (would listen to the same song a number of times - 1st time just concentrate on the vocals, 2nd concentrate on the drums and 3rd concentrate on the guitars), go outside at night and stare at the stars, go for a hard run (run quickly for as long as you can - takes the edge of it) and watch a favorite movie and engross myself into it. I would always seclude myself though and get away from the trigger that was angering me. Not ideal but until you calm down, it takes the risk of violence out of it. I don't think there is any real ideal way, it what works best for you so try a few different techniques and work out what works and what doesn't. Best of luck!!

[blondguy]

Hi Wild

Paul here...I remember the anger that I took out verbally on someone close to me...until my GP told me that it was my tired and fragile mind that I had to attend to first. I booked in immediately and had counselling for my anger. Even though I had just recovered from 25 years of severe anxiety...and have had depression for about 10 years now without anxiety.

The anger is very common with people that suffer from depression. I was being snappy and barked too much..I am so glad I went back and saw my GP....One of the best and positive choices I have made re the anger.

Its just my humble opinion Wild....but the anger (and I am not justifying it in anyway) is the depression talking, not you...your mind is tired/exhausted. The meds I take have provided me with a great foundation which I have used to recover from my anger.

I hope you have some peace and thankyou for having the courage to post

My Kind Thoughts for You...Have a good Easter break too!

Paul

Tackle the depression first and talk to someone about the anger

[Wild_]

Thanks Doolhof, MarkTJ and blondguy, this has definitely given me some good thinking points. 

It is comforting to be able to relate to you all on this forum, and blondguy - thanks for reminding me that it is the depression.  Sometimes I come away from these angry states and feel like I'm a horrible person, but I think its important to remind myself that it has to do with the depression (as you said though, not justifying it). 

MarkTJ - I'm definitely going to try the music idea.  Sounds like an interesting way to calm down - will give me something to focus my mind on. 

Doolhof - I have always had the same issue re: taking anger out on loved ones.  Strangers and most of my friends don't see this side of things.  I guess its not a pretty thing to show people, and I think I'm scared that the few friends I have left will disappear if I let loose on them one day. In saying that, I've never felt this kind of anger around close friends, and if I've felt it around strangers, I just keep to myself until I'm in the car alone or something and can have a yell.

Thanks again for the support, team 🙂 

[blondguy]

Hey Wild...

Just a compliment for you if thats okay............Thankyou for calling us a 'Team' ..Greatly appreciated 🙂

We are still here if you need us Wild...for anything....You are part of the BB Forums. By posting you have helped others 🙂

Kind Wishes for you..

Paul

[pipsy]

Hi Wild.  You just made my day.  I get angry too and thought it was just over reacting to insensitive remarks.  My depression mainly stems from pent up rage from marriage problems that have never been addressed or resolved.  I recognize the problems, but just thought it was, as I say because of unresolved issues.  I've had to learn to count to 20/100, take deep breaths and try to accept people's insensitivity and not buy into it.  One thing I do do as has already been stated is not try to justify why I'm 'me'.   Once your friends accept where your breaking point is, they're usually pretty good at not 'winding' you up.  We all have breaking points, and recognizing them and letting people know when you feel they've overstepped the mark is a great idea.  If people don't respect your feelings once they know, they're not worth wasting time over.  True friends won't try to wind you up, they'll usually try to respect your feelings.

[wow_za]

Hey Wild,

I'm actually quite relieved to have read your post - anger is a major problem of my depression. It has essentially destroyed most of my intimate relationships (or at the very least, contributed to significantly). I am still trying to work out why I become angry, but I'm beginning to realise it comes out due to me lack of self love and the incessant loathing I feel towards myself. It is a reflection of my fears regarding a situation and me not knowing how to express this. I also feel that othera close to me don't necessarily understand how I feel and perceive the world and thia becomes a point of frustration for me (and for them too, probably). I think for a long time I have unconsciously felt entitled - expected everyone to understand me and why I was behaving a particular way. Truth is, most people don't and as a result my own anxieties about how people perceived me became reality. I don't know yet how to manage my anger, but being self aware is a great first step. I want to learn why I feel particular ways and emotiona so I can better understand the origins and nature of my anger.