How do you deal with it?

[Maui757]

I'm just wondering how everyone else deals with their depression when it strikes hard.

I personally really struggle, because when depression strikes I tend to want to get worse instead of better. I'm not really sure why this is, but it makes it even harder to motivate myself to start working on the self-care stuff. I see a psych, I have loads of things I can do to help (exercise, meditate, read little midfulness tips, activities I find relaxing, talk to my friends, eat healthy and drink plenty of water etc) but I find myself getting stuck below these things. It gets so bad that I can barely get up to get to work on time, and then I spend the drive to work fighting the urge to turn around or do something that means I don't have to go to work.

So I'm wondering if anyone else experiences similar things? And what you do to combat them. Does anyone else find themselves making themselves worse instead of better? Do you take time off work? I never know if I should be taking some time off and resting/recovering, or if I'm supposed to push through when times get like this. I continue seeing my psych, but there's only so much we can cover in one session, and there's only so many sessions I can afford.

Maui

[PeculiarTulip]

Hey Maui, I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way when I hit a real low.

To me, at least, there's really only so much that you can do. You can do all those things, meditation, mindfulness, staying healthy, and the depression can just get worse. So when I've tried it all, and I still feel just as bad as I did before, I just think "I've done my best to make myself feel better, now all I need to do is ride it out and get through this rough patch." The reality is: mindfulness, seeing a psych, medication and all of those things AREN'T cures. They aren't a golden pill that will make it all go away. They just make it a bit easier every now and then.

But does that mean we should stop using them? Of course not.

And when you feel like you're getting worse, it isn't the meditation's fault, or the healthy food's fault. I bet if you weren't doing those things, your depression would be getting worse anyway. But since you're doing them, you're helping your body and your mind get through this spiralling depression, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

I hope this helped even just a little bit. Sending you lots of love

[Maui757]

Thanks PeculiarTulip, that was really nice to hear that I'm not the only one.

I definitely agree, all those things are more of a treatment rather than a cure. It's just so debilitating and affects my work really badly. I am lucky to achieve a single task during my work day, and then can't help but beat myself up for not getting enough done. But in the same token, I can't bear to do any more, and I feel like that one thing was impossible. I feel bad for my work having employed me, because they really aren't getting what they paid for right now. I know I can do better, I just can't seem to do better now.

I also find it harder the longer it goes on. I try to ride out the depressive episodes but this one has lasted a good 2 to 3 months now, and just when I think it's getting better it slams back down. It's hard to ride them out when you don't know how long you're on the ride for 😞

Maui

[Doolhof]

Hi Maui and Peculiar Tulip,

A psychologist I was seeing kept trying to teach me to "accept" the depression instead of fighting it. The depression is there, the more I fought it, the worse it became. The more I hated it, the more pronounced it was.

I do understand how overwhelming and debilitating depression can be.

Trying to do just one thing to help yourself each day can make a difference. I know it is really hard to even think of one thing some days let alone do it.

A man recently gave a talk stating that the best thing you can do each day is to make your bed. When you want to get back into bed, it has been made and looks inviting. It is one thing you have achieved for yourself.

There have been times when life has been very dark and bleak. At times like that I use the Beyond Blue help line and talk to one of the support people. They have helped me through some horrid patches.

Hope you can both find ways to work through your depression. Maui, if you have the opportunity, a short break from work may be beneficial to recharge your batteries, or you could think of something you can do during the week to help you feel better about yourself.

Cheers to you both from Dools

[PeculiarTulip]

I'm sorry that you're being hard on yourself.

My co-worker and good friend gave me some really nice advice on the same problem the other day. I was telling her that I was struggling to get little things done when I used to be able to do so much, similar to your situation at work. She said to me:

"Just do your best. But always remember that the standard of your best is ever-changing, and is dependant on your mental health, physical health, and all your other life circumstances in that moment. Don't say 'I'm not doing my best because a few months ago I was doing X, Y and Z.' That was a few months ago. This is now. Don't compare apples with oranges. Do the best that you can do in THIS moment, and be proud of it."

And remember how important self talk is! It sounds cliche and silly but really, what you're telling yourself is a massive defining factor of your mood. Instead of saying "I only got this one tiny little thing done today, I should have done so much more", train yourself to say "I got this one thing done today and it felt impossible but I did it and I'm proud." Say it to yourself even if you know you don't mean it, and deep down you're still angry and guilty.

And if you practice that, you'll get better and better at it until you really believe what you're telling yourself. It takes time, but I promise it helps.

I'm not saying that self talk is going to solve anything either, but it's much healthier for your mindset.

[memorytrap]

I wish I knew the approach too. I had to take time off then eventually change jobs to a more reduced workload. I was finding that work consumed too much of my energy, my depression makes it difficult for me to find work/life balance. When I was working fulltime I couldn't maintain any social relationships. When I have a really bad episode I try to stay with some family so I'm not isolated, I'm fortunate in that regard that I have caring family members who understand. I've been in a slump since christmas but I've structured my day around walking from 5:30-6:30, just around the parks and then on weekends I go to a foreshore at 4pm. I make those times rigid so that I force myself to get stuff done then use them as a reward. It doesn't always work I have to admit, but I always make sure I get out. It's the only thing in my life I have to look forward to now.

[Maui757]

Hi all, thanks for all the replies! It’s really nice to get other people’s perspective and encouragement.

I guess you’re right Dools, I’m struggling to ‘accept’ the depression even though my psych tells me the same thing. I can’t help but want to fight it. I get so angry with my depression and how it has worked it’s way into EVERY aspect of my life, it all just seems so unfair!!! It’s a childish reaction I know, but I’m so tired of dealing with it, so jealous of my friends who don’t understand how deep it can run because they themselves haven’t experienced it yet.

I will try to work on the mindset thing PeculiarTulip, thanks for that. I know I’m doing the best I can do right now, I do at least try to give myself that much. But it’s just not good enough 😞 People are still getting hurt by my lack of ability to cope with things, and my work performance is suffering.

I’m extremely lucky with my work that my boss is the most supportive boss I’ve ever met, always encouraging me to do what I need to do to be ok. But it makes me feel bad for taking time from work, even when I need it. They are so understanding, I don’t want them to think I’m abusing it. Especially when I take time to try to feel better and then the next week I’m down again. I’m not sure how to deal with that type of guilt...?

Thanks again for all the replies, it all helps me stay strong just a little longer, and who knows? Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better. Maybe I won’t. Guess I take it as it comes and just hang on as long as I can.

Maui

[Rocket_Man]

Hi Maui,

Awesome to hear you're working hard on yourself, congratulations.

you mentioned in one post you wanted to turn around from work and not go, it made me think what are you running from ?

I then thought, whats the real cause of you feeling the way you do ? If you're doing all those things, and youre focused on health, your workplace is supportive, wheres the pain coming from ?

For example, maybe you dont enjoy the work you do, maybe your personal relationships are unfulfilling but you're unsure how to commuicate ? I have no idea what your cause is, but it must be something, do you know what it is ?

Best wishes

[Maui757]

Hi Rocket Man,

I don’t enjoy most aspects of my job. I have no passion for what I’m doing, and I can’t bear having to come to work every day and pretend I’m ok and try to be happy when I feel so dead inside. I also live away from my partner so I’m unhappy about that as well. I miss him a lot and barely get to see him (twice a month, 3 times if I'm lucky), and things get tense between us when I DO see him because of other aspects in his and my life. Plus it's a lot of pressure on a relationship to only get 3-4 nights a month together.

It’s just like a mixture of everything. I don’t want to do any of it anymore. I want to sleep, and that’s about it. I’m tired of fighting something that never ends. I feel like I'm wearing down too far, to the point that I don't even want to try and get better anymore.

Maui

[Rocket_Man]

Interesting.

It sounds like there are many factors contributing to the way you are experiencing things right now.

This is great news, it means that your life and circumstances are testing you emotionally, in this moment.

Being tested by your circumstances means you are in a stretch zone, or an area of growth in your life, the challenge will make you better than you were in some way or the other, so im very happy for you.

I look at emotional burdens the way a bodybuilder looks at a set of weights. Everyone has different starting points depending on their body type, and you can only lift what you can to start with, but the heavier the resistance is, and the more focus and effort you put into pushing against that resistance, on a consistent basis, the stronger you get. Its a gradual process.

I also know that nature does not put challenges infront of us that we are not prepared to face.

So now when I have giant problems I get excited, because I always think im ready for this, and I will find a way, even if I cant see the immediate solution.

Pressure makes diamonds.

Best wishes.