How do i deal with it?

[Peachy1]

Hi,
i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, when we first met things were fantastic.  he was such a lovely man and he still is to this day, however, things have been different for quite some time.

with the loss of a loved one a few years before he met me, he still struggles to move on. he doesnt talk about it but he is depressed i think and no matter how much he says he wants help he is procrastinating. I have given so much to our relationship and have loved doing it, but it is getting really draining for me. i want to have the best life i can and i want him to be in it with me but he doesnt do anything really, he sits at home, doesnt work, plays games all day, i come home from work and do everything. i try to talk to him and get him motivated but he is so defensive and feel like im getting nowhere! what can i do?
the other thing that is affected is our sex life, we used to be really intimate all the time and now its like an effort for him or a 'chore' - he says he loves me and i believe he does but its just not the same. he looks at porn all the time i know it he tries to deny it. he doesnt understand that if we had a healthy sex life i wouldnt care if he did that (i might care but not as much) but he cant do that and then not be intimate. im at my witts end.. i love him but i want him to grow up and get through things and be a man he complains all the time.. well he needs to fix himself?

thanks

[S_A_D_]

Well done David,

That was a superbly articulated and rational argument but based on a misinterpretation of my 16/6 post. I agree completely with your assessment, and maintain my original position.

I am advocating that the 1000 or so words used as guidelines remains as it is. I see it as a detailed reference page for the finer points on acceptable behaviour. It's a complete list of do's and don't's, and the reasoning. I support this!

I am simultaneously advocating for a change in the script presented in threads for when moderators feel compelled to mention that there are guidelines we all must follow. Simple instructions,  like "no URL hyperlinks allowed" and "no swearing or vulgarity allowed" would go a long way. Is an extra 25 words too much to ask?

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Facetious,

Yes it is too much.  

It's seems an easy do-over but on top of the months of website design, something like 200 criticisms, changes to edit function, extra listings for 'MY POST' and 'NEW POST' and 'WHERE IS AUSTRALIA POST ?', the reduction of 30 to about 16 sections, the constant posts/responses, feeding the Moderators Cat extra ham on Sundays, the amalgamation of our trusted Community Advisor (Hugh) into a Moderating Role, plus the fact that the Rules not only got re-posted back in May (after the 03 Apr initialisation of the new BB site) and the paltry budget that BB allow the beyondblue moderating team to even have a "How's Your Father" Slap Up Christmas Do after soooooo much work during the year assisting mental health, etc, the addition of MORE text (be it 25 or even 26.5 words) could possibly be at the tipping point of humanity.

I would prefer the extra wordage to be used whenever there is a disallowed posting (I've had 36) so that a human touch is extended in empathy by way of a short email from the mods to me (or other response offenders).   Because even an extra bit of info might not sink in and even if it did, you are guilty of making the assumption that your edited response would be allowed.  

The only thing the moderators feel compelled to do is be moderators.  The rule of swearing or vulgarity has been covered in their guidelines since BB started.   Plus, given the depth of emotion on the site, foul language is sometimes allowed given the context.   There have been many cases of a postee using the words f**k,  crap, or even "WTF ?" because the mods don't want to diminish the anguish.

At the end of the day you might have to cop your disallowed extra text on the chin rather than misdirect.   As you would say, is that too much to ask ?

But, I gotta admit, a healthy debate.  No blood shed.  

You'll notice Moderators step in on very serious posts 99% of the time and some kind of tedious ruling 1% of the time.  So, adding 25 words extra for that 1%........really ?   I think they'd rather feed the Moderators Cat.  Tender tuna tossed with Whitebait.  Mmmm.

Adios, David.

PS   Or we could use our times more constructively responding.  I  think my first disallowed response took me 2 days to recover from.  I was like "How dare they ?  That's it !  I'm never responding ever again".   That was 2 years ago.   I've done around 900 responses since then.  Sometimes they even help people.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Facetious,

I can't seem to get into the BB today so decided to chase up your "no swearing or vulgarity allowed" reference - as part of your advocated "simple instructions".  Just to be anal and give you the context.  As you do.

Here's the 2nd rule (of an initial 9) in Community Rules:

"Be courteous and respectful at all times, use respectful language and appreciate that others may have an opinion different from your"  (21 words)

Plus there is more......a detailed extra bit on editing/moderating where a similar rule is re-established (rule 2 or a further 7).

Then there is the cure for cancer, full analysis of Dan Browne's DA VINCI CODE and a recipe for a boiled egg.   But you can only see these extra extras if you are being facetious.

Adios, David.

[geoff]

dear Facetious, I don't think that you visit this site any more, because you have said that you were leaving, however the point about BB sending back any disallowed replies, well may happen down the track.

What I have said to BB, Dr. Hugh and the Troopers is for them to edit any of my posts, that is, if there is something I have said and it's gone too far, then they can delete that sentence or phrase so that the rest of reply can be posted. L Geoff. x ( maybe I should blow a kiss in the air). lol