Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

[white knight]

Are you sensitive? If so you might be in the range of a HSP. Studies show up to 15-30% of people could fall into this category. And I thought I was alone!

Have you had the comments

”you should toughen up”

”don’t be so sensitive”

Yet these people don’t realise that your sensitivity is part of you, your personality. It’s like you suggesting they grow shorter as “you are too tall” How absurd.

Sensitive people have strong inner feelings, can be creative in things like writing, like to help other people or animals and generally care deeply in their convictions.

So people that criticise us are in effect bullying us to be someone we are not. If possible stand up for yourself because sure as yabbies bite your toes, if you don’t then you’ll be walked over.

We cant all be without sensitivity, we can’t all be low in emotion... not everyone is a highly sensitive person, if they were they’d understand how our world is full of inner feelings and also wonderful in a strange way because we “feel” and that my friend is priceless...

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Shelll

I think it's really incredibly challenging when you have an ability no one shows you how to manage. If you can imagine being raised by someone who's an experienced feeler of other people's emotions and that person, your mum or dad, says to you 'I know exactly what your problem is and I'll show you how to manage it beautifully, master it', that would be great. You could have your own in house teacher or instructor when it comes to how to feel and when not to feel so much. A lot of the time, it doesn't work that way unfortunately. If anything, we can be surrounded by people who more so say stuff like 'You're way too sensitive'. It's a 'What's wrong with you? Let's shut this fault of yours down' kind of statement.

May sound a bit strange but I've found one of the many challenges when it comes to feeling for others involves imagination. Distressing imagery can be a serious trigger for someone who feels so much, largely because you can feel what you can imagine, clearly see in your mind. If you can clearly imagine and therefor feel someone's intense sufferance, it's highly triggering. What you imagine becomes physical/emotional. Knowing when to shut your imagination down, in favour of pure logic or analytics or when to balance yourself somewhere in between the 2 can be a challenge. I suppose it depends on the situation, what you need to gain from it. Imagination, that which receives and generates imagery, is an incredibly powerful and sometimes overwhelming thing. It's a tool that can feel like a curse at times.

It's interesting, the ability to feel what others feel. I know of a woman who takes this to a whole other level. While initially fearing she was becoming a hypochondriac, she found herself going off to see the doctor on a fairly regular basis. Chest pain, back pain, headaches, you name it, she had it. While the doctor could never find anything wrong with her, someone close to her led her to wonder whether she was feeling what others were feeling. So, she began to ask. If she felt chest pain, she'd ask the person she was with whether they had any pain in the chest. Shocked, they'd reply 'Yes'. Back pain? 'Yes' etc. She began to advise people to seek medical or emotional help, in a variety of ways, which made an enormous difference to them. The challenge came down to fine tuning this ability, in relation to whether she felt them experiencing heartbreak or serious heart issues. As I say, this takes feeling for others to a whole new level 🙂

[Guest_1055]

Hi Rising... I can relate to a lot of what you say. Except feeling others physical pain. I can feel a bit sick in the tummy when someone is anxious though. Most likely they atr experiencing that themselves.

Indeed it would be wonderful if someone could show you what to do with these emotions when we were growing up. My parents... who I love were almost non emotional. I felt no emotional connection to them. Unconsciously think I learnt when you feel, you just stuff all that deep inside of you. I had to learn the names of emotions later on. When I got married.. For some reason lots of emotions exploded out of me. I was scared of the emotion of anger... my own anger. Had to learn about it and how to manage it. I rarely become angry now.

Interesting what you say about imagination. Can very much relate to that. I have an excellent imagination. And true it can be connected to feelings. Reading or watching something traumatic.. I can hardly go there. My brain imagines the scene then it can hurt me so much. For this reason I don't even watch voilent movies. As even made up stuff has a similar affect on me. I never see it has entertainment at all.

And sometimes I find it challenging to switch from emotional to logical thoughts. Maybe need to keep practicing saying things to ourselves like "its going to be ok" imagine giving ourselves a comforting hug.

I do have this exercise I did in the car last week. Where I went back in my memory to my childhood. It was a painful memory. An incident happened... for me it was super sad. And I caused it by an accident. I went back to the image and felt it again. A lot of the hurt was still stuffed down in me. In my imagination I imagined a different scenario to the outcome of it. I imagined being held and comforted. And being told gently "its all ok, it was just an accident" and "and of course you didn't mean to do it Then my tears running down my face... I couldn't cry back then but in my imagination of the incident I am free to. They were gently wiped away. I felt understood, nurtured and loved. Which was a total opposite of what really happened. Then I forgave. Forgave the person for not comforting me when I was in desperate need of it. Pretty sure they had no idea that it affected me so deeply back then. And I would never tell them now. I understand now they did the very best they could. And they loved me.

Thankyou the rising... I seem to be learning more about myself and didn't realise there are some folk similar. "

[Guest_1055]

Hi beautiful people...

I would welcome any advice.

It feels like my heart is breaking, like a strong dull ache near where the physical heart is. It's my mum she has been experiencing extreme pain from Trigeminal Neuralgia. And I know it must be so bad, because she is considering major surgery for it. And my mum is a natural type person. Prefers to heal her body naturally.

I love her so much, and to know she is has been suffering so much pain, it hurts me so much to know it. Tears are behind my eyes. I am not sure I can handle this one. I can't, it hurts so bad in my soul for her. I would never tell her this...crying now.

If any of your guys have any advice for me. I truly would welcome it. Thanks

[white knight]

Hi Shelll

You might be at an advantage to create a new post as all the members one might be more knowledgeable. Make your heading "mum has Trigeminal Neuralgia".

I have a couple 77yo as friends. Twice the female has had cancer. On both occasions I rang the male while she was in chemo to ask how he's coping. He expressed he was fine because "what can I do anyhow? I make sure she's as comfortable as possible, that's it".

He has a point. Remember the thread "worry worry, worry "? It's not productive to worry, in fact it brings you down when she needs you to be strong.

TonyWK

[Guest_1055]

Hi Tony, appreciate your reply.

I am quite hesitant to start another thread. It is advice to handle my own emotions in regards to what is happening with my mum. She never sees me cry about what is happening to her. I keep it in. I saw her today. And as I was driving along everything came out. Great sobs of whatever that emotion is called. It truly is breaking my heart.

I know I am sensitive and feel so deeply when others are hurting. But if it is someone I care so very much about, the ache in my heart is stronger.

So yeah that is what I was wanting advice about. I am sorry if my words are not clear. Trouble communicating some times.

About the worry.. Yeah I am not sure I am experiencing a lot of worry. Just the achy sadness feeling that she is experiencing pain.

Thanks anyway for your time Tony

[therising]

Hi Shelll

You are such an intensely beautiful sensitive person. It is so obvious how much you love your mum based on the fact you feel such overwhelming heartbreak for her and what she's having to go through. If she's feeling seriously depressed by the condition, I imagine this adds to the heartache you feel. By the way, I don't think people truly understand heartache until they feel it physically. Can be such a deeply physical emotion.

I'd never heard of Trigeminal Neuralgia before you mentioned it. Had a look online and was left feeling so deeply for your mum. Known as being one of the most painful conditions known to man, it must be so mind altering and exhausting for her to have to manage living with that level of pain. I imagine there are times where she just wants to scream, not just based on the pain but also based on pure frustration and perhaps a sense of hopelessness to a degree.

Do they know what's causing it? Cervical misalignment/compression? Myelin sheath degeneration? Something else? The reason for asking this is based on whether you can do something about it yourselves. Fascinating research has and is being done into Myelin sheath regeneration and all the ways a person can help themself naturally with the regeneration. If the condition is based on permanent damage, I can understand the need for surgery. We can't fix everything our self.

It's amazing how the mantra 'I will not settle!' can change our life. It's also amazing how this mantra can also help with heartache or heartbreak at times. Whether it's 'I will not settle for what the experts have told me. I'm going to do my own research into this so as to find the answers outside the square' or 'I will not settle for being told I am not capable of achieving what I need to achieve, while being told I'm pathetic or useless' or 'I will not settle for stopping my life because my partner has left me', there are so many things to not settle for in life. If I was to ask 'How does settling feel?', especially when there's no much sufferance involved, settling can feel heartbreaking. Compare this with not settling. How does not settling feel? Does it fill your heart with a pure sense of drive and inspiration? Does it make you feel like a warrior on a mission? It's therapeutic to repair/re-pair your heart with your intention.

Even if your mum has no choice but to face surgery, why settle for having to wait so long for the surgery? They better have a good reason. Why settle for anything less?

[white knight]

Hi Shelll

That's ok, the main reason for a new thread was not to risk moving away from the original topic which is common. However, I'm here to help and who cares if we move a little left or right?

I honestly cant improve on Rising's reply considering my knowledge is also based on the internet when I googled your mums illness.

Based on Rising's last sentence perhaps take her to emergency at a hospital?

Lets us know here how you went precious

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Shelll, it sounds like u are going through a lot...I'm so sorry.

I can see it deeply affects you. I hope u have been OK and able to feel OK. I hope the tears u shared before Ur mum helped u and her, sometimes having a cry can help. A lot of feelings swarming around, sometimes it feels like tears are the only way. Sending a hug to u.

[Frangepani]

Hi Sleepy 21 thankyou for sharing im hearing you I know exactly how you feel I feel the same way. What we gotta do is find like minded people like ourselves who will care about us for our true authentic self than for someone where not just to fit in I've chosen not do that anymore we only hurting ourselves other people are not going to give a dam. Don't waist your time on people who don't reciprocate how you feel its time we loose and never get back. I know easier said than done right. Im really struggling with it especially when its your family.

[Guest_1643]

Well said frangepani.

It is harder for sure with family.

I can understand as I find my family very pushy and narcissistic .

They seem to make everything about them.

I recently sent to a family member a text telling them that I can't take on what they are going through,

Then blocked them.