Hi Snowy,
Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.
I would like to suggest that if you are not already getting some face-to-face help for your depression - such as from your doctor or a counselor, then perhaps you could look at doing that, yeah? Also, please don't listen to your head when it is telling you that you are the "worst parent in the world", as I'm sure that is completely unfounded ........ after all, the 'worst parent in the world' would be highly unlikely to admit that there was even an issue with themselves to begin with! And you have been brave enough to not only admit to a personal struggle, but you've reached out to an audience of potentially thousands ........ which also means that there is LOTS of potential help and support available that you have just now tapped into, yeah?
Parenting, I can only imagine, is a tough job at the best of times. I say 'imagine' because I am not a parent, by choice, so I can only really guess at how hard and exhausting it can be sometimes. And the more kids, the more work there is.
Having the desire to be a better version of yourself so that you can be a better parent, is an indication to me, that you are in fact quite an attentive parent and therefore have every chance of getting to a better place, and therefore being a better parent.
Anyway, I don't know if that helps at all. I hope it does help at least a little. Take care. You can keep coming back here for as much support as you like. xo
