help, I'm just not improving.

[29fwa]

I've suffered from depression and anxiety for a while now, I had really bad postnatal depression after my son. I just haven't seemed to get better. I take tablets and have tried multiple ones and these are the best ones so far. I've  been having little episodes alot lately like always being down, hate myself, my weight, my life. My oh does fifo 8&6 so its a great swing and we have a 2yr old. I'm really angry all the  time and just not happy but I really don't know what's wrong with me. I have had several counsillors  and speak to get things of my chest as I've lost my son in 2008 and had a crap time from about 14yrs old to 22yrs old as I was on drugs and in bad relationships and abusive ones. I have not touched drugs for at least 4-5 years am not interested in them. I just don't know what's the  problem my past does haunt me as I'm an over thinker and a worrier and always have reoccurring worries about one of my exes. I used to be confident and happy but i could cry at a heartbeat. I drink alcohol because it makes me feel good (at the time) I've had a few episodes we're i actually drink too much and lose it, always in front of my loved ones. It's like I blame them I'm not sure at all. In saying that i drink maybe once or twice a week, but when i do i write myself off and wake up feeling sorry and saying sorry for what I've done. I'm going to stop it as its getting beyond a joke as over  a fn ago i was so drunk i tried to take my life. I know I'm a good person and i want to be strong for my son and my partner but I'm just so sad. Thanks

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[Zoomah]

Since you attempted suicide it would be a very good idea to go to your doctor. (If you haven't already) Does your partner know how hard things are for you at the moment? If his employer is any good they will give him carers leave and offer other support. I know how you want to be strong for everyone, I get hugely guilty if people help me, but carers leave is separate from sick leave so it shouldn't be an issue.

Being a parent is really hard. When I was a teacher dealt with 30 kids a day but I believe being a parent is harder than being a teacher. The average stay at home parent makes more major decisions than the CEO of a large company. I think that fact is just amazing for being in perspective how hard your job is. I also found as a teacher that I spent so much time with kids that I had no adult interactions which are important.

Even though I can't really relate, not being a parent, I have seen a lot of parents go through similar things in my classes. One of the big things is that they never take time for themselves. Do you have family to look after your son so you can have a break every so often? Or short term daycare? I look after my niece once a week so my brother's girlfriend can go to the movies by herself or to yoga. She tries to hang around people who aren't going to talk about parenting. (Mother's groups are often all about the kids.. not the mothers) 

Do you attend therapy still? One big problem with being a mum, as opposed to a dad, is lots of the play groups make mums feel very judged. A good or even average therapist is a good way to talk about all the crap that happens as a normal part of being a mother and also your other issues. A psychologist also will help dig a bit deeper and offer different therapies especially with the issues you've had in your past.

Hope you have a nice day

Adrian

[29fwa]

Hello thanks for your reply I've been to the doctors today and starting a new mental health plan. She's also upped my medication for a little bit and going to see someone again. My partner knows how I'm feeling i just think he's not sure how to help me. As for little one yes he goes to daycare but my doctor is worried that all i do while he's at daycare is day sleep. I like to do this though as i can just get away from everyone. Fingers crossed i start feeling better and then me and the partner can sort our relationship out as it's not very good at the moment.

[Zoomah]

That's one of my main problems too. Sleeping for 2 or so hours during the day even if I sleep well at night. Instead I volunteer a few times a week for a couple of hours at a time. At the moment it's with challenging kids because that's my specialty but also fire brigade when I have the energy.

One thing is of course a hobby. I told my psychologist that I couldn't think of one so her tip was to think of things you enjoyed as a kid. Hobbies. And then try them until you find one you still like. My one was bushwalking and photography. So I do that every morning when walking the dog.