Help. I don’t know who I am supposed to be and feel lost

[Daniel12]

Hello there I don’t usually do anything like this but I wanted to see if anyone has any advice for me. I am a 25 yr old who on the surface should have everything under control as I have a good job, good family yet I increasingly feel like I don’t know what makes me who I am and often feel down and flat when trying to find answers. I know people have much more reason to be depressed than someone like myself but I just constantly felt flat and lost searching for how I am supposed to be and what makes me who I am.
I have been trying to find a partner which has been the source of countless rejection which is all part of it I know but often I’m left feeling like I’m quite a boring person with nothing really that interesting to tell anyone and I am confused as to how to act

I’m usually a quiet natured person but I feel this incredible pressure that I can’t be like that and I am confused as to where I am at with my life

it is difficult for me to put into words I guess it’s just a lost type of feeling of what my place is and who I am and I thought at 25 I might have an idea of this

I know my post hasn’t given a great deal to go off but if anyone has experienced similar at my age I’d be glad to hear what approach you took

thanks

[DaisyDills202]

LOL...that made me giggles

thanks for your kind words 🙂

i hope things will get a bit better and depending on siutations

my head hurts -.- at the moment...

[DaisyDills202]

Hi Daniel 🙂

[DaisyDills202]

im confused about life and things and general

not everything is the way it is or confusing for me...

i would like to spend more time with guardian but we would like to do more things and stay safe.

would like to play with other people through online gaming,,,

but the thing is some of them are violent and hostile. or whatever it is on their mind.

i dont mind some violence through online gaming but as long its not directly...

i would like the play some online games with others who are similar to me who are senstive and valunable

where would be the best place for online gaming for mental health people can play online games through either maybe video or just voice chat with others while playing online games??

can any of you's can help me to social more with others properly while if its ok to play voice chat with them through online gaming?

or is there any group here that plays social mental health online gaming? with voice chat?

thanks Daniel

Daisy

[therising]

Hi Daniel

Came across something today that you might be able to relate to. Felt the need to share

“It seemed to [Jung] that the meaning of [neurotic] sufferings might consist in their compelling a man to come to terms with the foundations of his being and with the world, and thereby to gain a better knowledge of his limits and possibilities. . .Jung thus puts the emphasis on the prospective aspect, giving neurosis a positive meaning and not regarding it only as a burdensome illness. According to him, it can even act as a stimulus in the struggle for the development of the personality and be, paradoxically, a curative factor.” (Jolande Jacobi, The Way of Individuation)

This comes from writings in relation to 'Self Actualization'. Giving a neurosis, such as a fear, the power to make us more conscious can lead us to explore our fears more deeply. Why do they exist? Where did they come from? Are they real or simply believed? What does it take to come to terms with them or move beyond them? As Jung indicates, our fears can act as stimulus for a more conscious life. There is not necessarily anything seriously wrong with them in certain cases, they are simply serving as a wake up call toward self development.

We could fear making mistakes, for example, perhaps due to being labeled by those mistakes. Labels can lead others to decide for themselves who we are. If they decide wrong, we suffer through mislabeling. We can even be ostracised by certain members of our community. So, the conclusion, we may develop the mantra 'I will be careful not to make any mistakes for fear of being mislabeled'. I've found human beings just love their labels. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) is a good example of this. It's a manual that's grown massively over the years. There are 2 schools of thought in the case of the DSM-IV. One involves it being 100% reliable in how it identifies and labels specific mental disorders. The other involves a possible mislabeling of certain natural behaviours. Such behaviours can be seen as unnatural or 'faulty' when, in fact, they're not. While labels can be incredibly helpful at times, at other times they can interfere.

It's natural to make mistakes, miss the mark. We aim again and hit the mark the next time around. Is it natural that some sufferance comes from us missing the mark? Yes. Our goal in life may simply involve us being conscious of improving our aim. You are striving to be a great marksman 🙂

[Daniel12]

Hi therising

Thanks for sharing that I really appreciate it, the last part particularly made me smile 🙂

I think I can potentially label the way I feel in a more destructive way than I should and maybe I should think of it as a more natural process to be going through. When I mentioned the anxious and nervous energy I have be experiencing along with some panic attacks to my father he mentioned that another way to look at it is that anxiousness in life means that you’re actually living as cliche as it sounds.

I definitely strive to do things with the right intentions but I think I am consumed with pressuring my every move to make sure I don’t upset others that I neglect myself. Also, I am terrified of making a mistake or making the wrong decision in regards to relationships and it also stems from family pressure as well and from friends.

It feels like there is a clock on when I need to do certain things and I see people around me relatively settled in relationships and I am very far away from that I feel, sometimes I know what I want and others I have no idea.

I guess I don’t have strategies to keep moving forward and enjoy life while I figure it out and enjoy the ride. I find it hard to do that, I genuinely don’t want to feel like everything’s a struggle because in reality it isn’t but it’s like I’m hardwired to believe it.

i hope one day I can break the habits I have

[therising]

Hi Daniel

I'm glad you felt the freedom in talking to your dad. He sounds like he can relate, based on his advice. He has a good way of putting it. It's true, life is interactive and we can feel that. It's far from an easy experience at times. A lot of feelings aren't all that easy to understand or manage until we begin to understand them better, even to the point of relying on them to be telling.

I've found that coming to better understand feelings can be such an ongoing education because we're often coming across new ones. I've discovered 'feelings' are not simply something we physically feel, they can also be directives. For example, if we feel 'stress' or 'fear', the direction may be 'Find new and relatable ways to manage, reduce or eradicate the stress or fear'. The direction may even be 'It's time to leave that long term situation or environment before it leads to physical disease/harm'. If we're feeling that 'depressed' feeling, the direction may be 'Figure out who or what is depressing you and why', for a start. Feeling an 'empty' feeling may be a prompt to begin searching for fulfillment or at least to begin brainstorming ideas with others as to what fulfillment is and where we may find it. Either way, we're directed to no longer sit still, while we're feeling that mental/physical emotion known as 'a lack of fulfillment'. The incredibly challenging feelings are always directing us somewhere, anywhere other than where we are in our mind or environment.

With the relationship side of things, perhaps a different way of seeing it is - while everyone around you appears to be settled, you could ask 'Are they too settled for their own good, in some cases?' or 'How well will they remain settled before major unsettling challenges come up in their relationships?'. Who knows, maybe while you're feeling the pressure to settle, you simply can't settle for 'Miss right now'. Perhaps some deeper part of you is looking for 'Miss right'. Perhaps she's someone who is a legend at relationship problem solving and a gentle motivator and encourager of self exploration. Figuratively speaking (not literally), are you wanting to get a feel for who feels right for you?

Getting a feel for the right thought or choice, 'Will I or won't I'/'Should I or shouldn't I' is a thing too. With 2 thoughts, the choice is not always entirely clear - it may be a matter of one will feel obviously wrong whereas the other may feel not as wrong while it challenges us to explore it further.

[DaisyDills202]

I have a headache...

[therising]

Hi Daisy

That's no good. Can you sense what type of headache it is? Does it feel like a tension headache, with a bit of tension in your shoulders and neck happening? Perhaps it feels like a dehydration type headache. Is your skin feeling a little dry and you're bit thirsty. Maybe it's a bit of a pressure headache, as a result of some of the pressure in life you might be feeling. Maybe some of your thoughts could be causing some pressure/stress. Do you ever have sinus issues? Could things be feeling blocked throughout the whole of your head? Can be hard to pick at times. If you can pick it, you might be able to easily treat it, such as with a dehydration headache. For me, usually that type of one disappears within about 15 hours once I begin downing a few tall glasses of cool water.

Hope you're feeling better soon 🙂

[DaisyDills202]

Hi Therishing

Good to hear from you...

yes im not sure what i went through

i feel like im going up and down with my thoughts and emotions...
not very comfortable

im looking for a pet or room mate to get some sort of physical...

not sure what the best option is?

is there a way to find a roommate in this forum?

thanks for your words therishing

Daisy

[Daniel12]

Hi Daisy

Hope you are doing better,

I would suggest speaking with a GP/councillor and potentially getting some professional help with regards to the up and down emotions as I often feel the same and whilst I have not gone as much as I should it is definitely a great option. They will give you strategies and tips on how to better handle your emotions and also work towards finding more comfort in life.

A good option to meet people can be mixed/social sport (not sure if you are a sporting type), there is a program called JustPlay in which you sign up for whatever sport they have on offer and they allocate you to a team and you meet your teammates and enjoy some social sport once a week.

If you might find that a bit daunting to start with and enjoy more gaming, there is definitely a huge gaming community through all over Australia and even some gaming lounges/centres you could frequent for 30mins-1hr a week and eventually you will make friends over time purely from visiting these places frequently.

Maybe a worthwhile exercise for you to do in your spare time is research on Google some of your interests and any events/activities near you that relate to these interests which you could join or attend.

Also to add to that research you could also either use these forums to connect to people with similar thoughts and feelings or also find ways of getting professional help should you feel you need it!

All the best

Daniel 🙂