Guilt about depression

[NOmadx]

Hi guys,

I have been quietly struggling with depression, anger and mood swings since I was 18. What gets me the most when I feel depressed is the enormous sense of unbridled guilt. Guilt that my partner and my family have to put up with me on my bad days, and guilt that I'm depressed but don't have any valid and communicable reasons for it. I have a decent paying job and a loving partner and a supporting family. Not all that much bad has happened to me in life that warrants me being a depressed curmudgeon. My dad did die when I was in my early 20s and I did struggle with school early on (primarily because I was angry) which resulted in me dropping out really young. I did work through that though, so I thought, I went back to school accrued a couple of tertiary qualifications and found a loving partner. On paper at least and in my own head I feel like there is just no rational reason for being depressed and I'm guessing this is why I feel incredibly guilty about it.

I'm 29 and I just don't know what the right next steps are. Does anyone have any good tips about how to cope? Is this something that warrants professional help?

[Doolhof]

Hi NOmadx,

Welcome tot he community here. There is a lot of information on this site about depression in the Get Support and information section. You may want to have a look at some of that.

Depression can be caused by all kinds of things. In some people it is a chemical imbalance in the brain which can be rectified by medication, or it can be situational. I am certainly no expert by any means.

I do suggest that you make an appointment and have a chat to your Dr about how you are feeling. If you find it hard to talk to him or her, write down how you are feeling and pass them the piece of paper.

You can also use the phone help line at beyond blue on 1300 22 4636 24 hours a day.

Depression does not have to be a life sentence. I have found the more I understand it, the better I can deal with it and make the most of each day.

I'm sure others will respond to you as well with ideas, advice and support. Many of us here have lived with depression and other mental health issues. It is a lot more common than you may realise. It is normal to have depression, it does not mean there is something "Wrong" with you, it means you have a treatable condition just like diabetes or epilepsy, it is a condition common to many people.

Hopefully you will have a chat with your Dr and find ways to help yourself through this.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[Neil_1]

Hi there NOmadx

Like Mrs Dools, I too would like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Ok, so you’ve been quietly struggling with this for a good number of years now … 10 or so years, and that’s just too long to be dealing with it by yourself. Now is the time to get some professional help and guidance, and like Mrs Dools, I too would suggest you get to your GP as soon as possible.

Give them a good rundown of things, how you’ve been, how you’re feeling and time wise for all of this.

What I can say about this though, is that you’ve got some very good things in your favour, which will count as very good “helping mechanisms” as you bolster your defences against this mongrel disease. Along with the GP assistance, and whatever else will come from that appointment, it’s so pleasing to read that you’ve got a good job, a loving partner and supportive family. These are all very good things to have in place as you progress forward.

By the sound of it, it seems that your family (and partner) know about your battles and hence why you’ve said they are supportive and also why you mentioned you feel guilty.

As best as you can, try to dismiss the feelings of guilt … you didn’t ask to have this, nor did you want this … it just happens and it really is bloody horrible. It’s truly tough to live with and deal with and there are so many of us who are out there suffering, so as best as you can, try to get rid of the guilt feelings, because you have nothing to feel guilty about. It’s a disease and now you’re going to be seeking ways to get it treated.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Raeburn]

Hi NOmadx

I get you! or maybe you get me?

I have just registered with Beyond Blue after being medicated for depression for 15 years plus and was about to post about a similar personal experience. Like you, I have a great life - loving partner, beautiful but challenging kids (they're teenagers... need I say more...), a job I enjoy most of the time.... and frequently feel guilty in similar ways to what you describe. Why do I feel so crappy about life when I have so much?

When I read your post my immediate reaction is to suggest to be kind to yourself. No matter what your situation is, this black dog can lurk and cause a lot of aggravation.

I do try to repeat Dory's message "Just keep swimming...." and also write in a gratitude journal each night and read through my entries in the morning. Some people find this helpful, some don't... Is there something small like these things you might use to re-train your brain to thinking positively about things?

Hang in there! 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Raeburn,

Popping by to welcome you to the forum and to congratulate you on a wonderful entry . I like the idea of filling in a gratitude journal, then re reading what you have written in the morning. That is such a wonderful way to feel blessed twice!

Sometimes it is difficult to put a finger on what exactly makes us feel depressed. People often talk about mindfulness and how that helps them to keep grounded and feel like they are more connected to all that is happening around them.

I feel it is okay to sit in our depressed state for a while, to acknowledge the depression, try to understand why we feel that way, then try to get out of it before it becomes too dark.

If I am at home I can do that by going for a walk, picking up a book to read, even going into a different room can help, doing a Sudoku Puzzle, sitting in the garden, pulling weeds etc. There are lots of little things we can do to help us feel better.

You would have to be creative to think of ways you can do that sort of thing at work or when your teenagers are needing your attention.

I really do like your idea about reading your gratitude journal entries in the morning and the "keep Swimming" idea is also great.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.