Following the breadcrumbs to improve mental health

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

The last few months have been somewhat confusing as I have discovered more about my mental / physical health and how it has all been connected. I had not put the pieces together, I am not sure why, it seems so obvious now.

I have dealt with Dysthymia since about 12 and Major Depression since about 14 but was not diagnosed until my 40s and had no idea that had been the problem all along. I knew I wasn't like everyone else but thought I was just born that way. Back then mental health was not a subject that was openly discussed and the signs mostly went unrecognised and untreated. I had about 10 years of talk therapy with a social worker that helped immensely.

I have had a sensitive digestive system for a good portion of my life, not so much that I sought treatment, just things like indigestion with certain foods, bloating and the like. I suppose I thought everyone had those types of issues.

I have also had nervous system reactions over the past 15 years, like involuntary shaking in certain situations, that I had put down to getting older and being less resilient having been through a lot of difficult challenges.

I have been seeing a psychotherapist who also does somatic work (turns out you were right mmmekitty, I did need some more help). The first session of somatic work, in this case EFT (tapping), brought up a deep and long standing belief that I did not deserve to be helped. The emotions were buried so deep that I was not even aware of them. After that session things went haywire physically for a few days and took some weeks to start to settle.

Being the type of person who needs to have an understanding of what is happening and why, I have been reading many books on the symptoms I have had. That is when I began to join the dots about how interconnected by mental and physical health actually were. It has required a lot of processing on my part, and an acknowledgement of what I have been consciously unaware of, but it has been necessary to finding a way forward. This will be an ongoing journey as new symptoms show up that need to be looked at.

I know now that there is a lot of unreleased trauma in my body that is a contributing factor in not healing mentally or physically and I know now what needs to be done to improve. There is only so much that the medical profession can do, I believe the rest of the responsibility lies with us in digging deeper to find the causes and the answers. In many ways, that in itself becomes empowering.

Take care all.

indigo

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

That sounds about right for the age that they start losing some of their agility, I used to put a cardboard box next to the bed to make it a bit easier when they got older.

My bold one was Ivory and the timid one was Ebony. Ivory loved to be up high from the beginning and one day I heard this almighty scream, I turned around and she was hanging upside down from one of her back legs, clawing the air to grab onto something. I got her sorted out and she made a big huffing sound as if to say "well that was embarrassing". She had been goofing around walking along the top of the folded airer that was leaning against the wall and her leg got caught in the U shaped hook when she fell off. That leg gave her reminders when she got older, she had some arthritis in it and she would hiss as she tried to get comfy on my lap. She was fearless, when she was younger until about age 7 or 8, she would jump up onto the top of the overhead cupboards in the kitchen and watch me while I made dinner. Alternatively, she would run up the side of me and hang herself around my neck and watch from there.

When they got older they each slept on each side of my pillow, Ebony always on my left and Ivory always on my right. Here is where it gets amusing. Ivory hated having her tummy rubbed or tickled, but she was fine with her paws being touched. Ebony or course was the opposite, hated having her paws touched but loved a belly rub. So every night I would go to sleep on my back with my right hand holding 4 paws and the back of my left hand rubbing a belly. I guess you could say they had me wrapped around their little paws 😸

A few years after after I lost them, I took on a cat that a couple wanted to rehome as they were moving interstate and weren't able to take their cat. He must have been spoiled rotten because he is the only cat I was never able to teach good manners to. He would be all lovey dovey one moment and give you a bite the next and they weren't gentle play bites either. He would hide and jump out at you as you walked past and bite your ankle, he did that to mum one day and drew blood and unfortunately she was on warfarin so it took a while to stop. When my girl came on the scene a year or two later, he picked on her relentlessly like a big brother tormenting his little sister. I tried all sorts of things to curb his behaviour but nothing worked with him. Finally I just chased after him with a spray bottle full of water and squirted him to get his attention when he wouldn't leave her alone. It got to the point that he would stop when he saw me coming, look at me and squint because he knew what was coming. On many occasions I said "do you really have to be such a prick all the time"?

When he was 10, I heard him making an unusual vocalising sound from the back room and when to investigate his back legs were dragging behind him and he was throwing up and I could tell he was really scared and didn't understand what was happening. I raced him to the vet and it turned out he had had a spinal embolism and there was nothing they could do to reverse it, there was no feeling at all left in his back legs and he was still really scared, so we made the decision to put him to sleep. As much as he was a pain at times, I felt really bad about what had happened and how quickly everything transpired.

I know a lady that is psychic in Melbourne and I rang her the next day to ask if he was okay. She replied after a moment saying "he's fine, they are healing him and teaching him not to be such a prick" 😲

There is no way that she knew that and I couldn't help but laugh about the clear message I got.

I hope you got a chuckle out of those stories, enjoy your weekend.

hugs,

indigo

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

A cardboard box next to the bed is a good idea. I could see fluffy cat sort of looking around for something as a half way point and a few times she jumped onto the coffee table first before jumping from there onto the couch.

Ivory sounds like a real character. It's quite amusing to think of a cat running up you and hanging off you while you are cooking dinner. It sounds like she wanted to be in on the action and know what was going on. That is particularly amusing that you went to sleep with one hand holding paws and the other rubbing a belly 😹 I pretty much went to sleep patting fluffy cat, her favourite thing being scratched on the back of the head and neck. If my arm got too tired and I had to stop, she just kept purring like a steam train, like it's sort of self-perpetuating once it gets started. It was usually not long after that I think we were both asleep.

Your boy cat sounds like he was quite challenging. I know Croix has written about his experience with Nasty Cat, who had a different disposition to Sumo his other cat. The spray bottle sounds like a very effective solution to him pestering your girl! Poor thing, though, having the experience with the spinal embolism. Those sudden things are difficult to deal with, but it sounds like you really did the right thing given there was nothing they could do. That is so funny about the message from the psychic 😂

Some years ago I did petsitting for an extremely elderly cat - 28 years! I think that's about as old as they get. He was quite arthritic and very deaf. He would wake me at about 5am each morning because he had the most torturous sounding meow and had no idea how loud he was 😂. I found him not eating the second day and got worried and thought he was going to die under my watch 🙈 I spoke to his owner on the phone and she said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you he goes off his food every second day". Phew! 😅 It was cold that winter in Perth and we did yoga streches together in front of the heater followed by a nice lie down on the floor. He could actually still jump up on a chair with some difficulty. He was a great companion.

Thank you for the stories which did indeed give me a chuckle 😂 I hope you are enjoying your weekend too indigo 🙏🤗🦋🌿🌼🌸

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Wow, 28 years old, that is the equivalent of a 128 year old human. What a great achievement.

I am not surprised he went off his food every second day, at that age it probably took his digestive tract that long to process the food from the day before. I had a good laugh about the deaf part, Ebony was deaf in her last couple of years and she became very loud too. Because she was timid, if she had her back to me when I approached her, I would have to try to get her attention so she didn't jump out of her skin when I walked by.

I had a most frustrating day yesterday looking for a particular pair of safety glasses to use in the garden. The only problem with living a long way from main cities is finding the things you want without paying postage all the time. I couldn't find a pair in my town or the one I need to drive to tomorrow, so I guess I am paying postage!

I don't know if you are aware that you are now eligible for NILS (no interest loan scheme) now you are on DSP.

I have used it a few times when I needed to buy things that are too costly to pay for at the time but needed before I could save up. It's worth looking into if you find you are in that position. It's very straight forward and the repayments are taken out of your fortnightly payments but spread out over 12 - 18 months. I have just done that for my garden tools and will be picking them up tomorrow.

It's lovely and warm here today, but I think tomorrow will be a hot one so my air con in the car will likely get a work out.

I hope you are having a good week.

hugs,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

Yes, I remember his owner saying there was an issue with his kidneys which was not surprising at that age. He was like your Ebony as I had to be careful not to startle him as he couldn’t hear me approaching.

I bought some safety glasses not long after I moved here, but I’m lucky there are two large hardware stores in a town half an hour away. They are a good idea to have, especially if you are getting into the thick of things with pruning or using any power tools. It’s really great you are enjoying working in your garden 🪴🌿🌺🌸🌼🌳🦋

I was not aware of NILS and it’s good to know about it should I need it in the future. I tend to be super frugal for weeks at a time and try to accumulate a little for when I have expenses, such as deciding to stay somewhere when breaking my journey to the city. I’m visiting friends who are housesitting in a neighbouring town soon and I’m going to ask them about how they do their regular housesits which I think is through an agency. They don’t have much money and I think one of them is on DSP so it’s a way they can move about a bit at low cost and that’s something I’d like to do.

Tomorrow I have to travel to a town an hour away actually to go to Centrelink to report income for the last 3 months. I have made a very small amount of money from selling some photographic images. I have someone at the moment interested in using an image of mine for their cafe too. I’m trying to build up a bit of additional income going forward.

I’m having a pretty rough day. It’s like my hormones couldn’t crash any lower and I feel awful. I only had about an hour’s sleep during which I had the same horrific nightmare that I have when my hormones are low. Tomorrow I will drop into the naturopath and pick up a new supplement to try that’s meant to have some clinical evidence base for balancing hormones. The hormone medications I’ve tried both work brilliantly for mental health and insomnia, but have the awful side effect of extreme histamine intolerance and mast cell activation. I’m not reacting in a standard way to one of the hormones which I think is part of lifelong hormonal dysregulation issues. I’m also starting to look at insulin resistance which can be a part of all of the above plus the decades of migraines I’ve had. I’m looking at incorporating elements of a ketogenic diet which can help to alleviate insulin resistance, but not too radically. It can apparently help during rocky perimenopause.

But I also had a session with my psychologist yesterday and we were discussing the role of emotional and spiritual healing in relation to physical health. I know it’s through the connectivity I’ve felt through spiritual connection that my body has had brief times of finding equilibrium. For me it is about leaving behind false beliefs installed into me from a young age and feeling that connection to the infinite, or whatever it might be called. It’s knowing you are already ok in this moment now and already connected. The worst thing about hormonal crashes is they plunge me back into chaos and grief and I have to claw my way back to that which is nurturing and safe, remembering that those things still exist.

I hope you are having a lovely day indigo and a great week too. Keep enjoying the garden 😀🤗

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I am so sorry you are crashing and feeling so awful again. It really is a fine line for you between well and unwell.

I hope you will find the new supplement of help in achieving some equilibrium.

That is wonderful that you are selling some of your work, I imagine it is giving you a much needed self-esteem boost. I hope the Cafe proposal goes through for you, it would help with your sales going forward.

I would have thought that Centrelink would allow you to do the reporting online rather that make you drive for a hour. They do seem to like to make things more difficult than is necessary a lot of the time.

I didn't end up making my trip (also an hour away) today because I got stuffed around for too long trying to sort out a problem so will have to go tomorrow instead. Regarding the safety glasses, it's not so much that I can't get any safety glasses here, I just can't get the ones I need. They need to fit over my everyday glasses, and I can find those but only in clear. They need to be well tinted for working outside because of my blue dot cataracts, otherwise the sun will be too bright and I won't be able to see properly which is not ideal as I will be using a small 6inch chainsaw and a pole pruning chainsaw. I have found a suitable pair, but only online unfortunately.

I truly hope you are feeling better soon, I can only imagine how hard that rollercoaster is to deal with regularly.

I have been reading the 3rd Christina book and of all of them, I think it has the most info and you may find it a good read from a spiritual and healing perspective as it goes quite deeply into the connection to the infinite.

Get some rest and sleep well if you're able.

Hugs,

indigo 💜🌹🐦🦋🐾

[Eagle Ray]

Hi indigo,

Thank you for mentioning the Christina books again. I should see if I can borrow them from local libraries or get them on inter-library loan. I just know this dimension of healing is where transformation really takes place. I know the greatest change has happened for me when I shift consciousness and heal at a different frequency. It’s something I’ve felt in my favourite nature places and profoundly when I’ve been sung to by people trained in healing traditions and also through facilitated sound healing sessions. It’s shifting the whole mind/body/spirit system which is so much more powerful than trying to focus on single elements. Sound and human voices are something I seem to really respond to. Sometimes putting on a podcast is what helps me go to sleep at night (and I have to re-listen later if I actually want to know what they said 😂).

I understand about the safety glasses. It’s important to get the right ones for you if you are going to be outside in the sun for long periods. I’m guessing maybe you don’t have prescription sunglasses you could fit clear safety glasses over? The pole pruning chain saw sounds of interest to me as I have a lemon tree that really needs some pruning high up. I’ve had plans of trying to get a gardener in to do some things as I’ve been struggling on my own. Yet I like it when I am able to do things myself. I did buy myself a hedge trimmer a couple of years ago to do some basic stuff. It can’t handle anything heavy duty though, only cutting through small branches with a narrow diameter.

With Centrelink, they advised at my last visit the reporting had to be done in person. This may have something to do with the complexity of the ins and outs of business reporting. An advantage of being there today was it did give me the chance to both receive advice and ask questions of a real human - something which can be near impossible over the phone with Centrelink. The last time I ever successfully got through to a human when phoning them was sometime in the first half of 2022!

I’m really exhausted now but pleased I achieved my goals today. I hope you’ve had a good day even though you had the problem that interfered with your other plans. I hope all goes well tomorrow with your planned trip.

Have a lovely, restful evening indigo ☺️🙏

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

Just wanted to check in to ask how you are travelling, are you feeling any better?

I finally got the tools but the weather has been a bit chilly this weekend so haven't tried them out yet. Will give you some feedback on the pole pruner once I have used it.

I have been meaning to say that I think I am starting to get a little bit of my creative spark back. I bought 2 self watering pots but could only get them in white. Not a fan of plain white so have roughly sketched on them with water colour pencil and got some acrylic paints from Kmart to do them. Who knows how the finished product will look, but I am having a go.

I hope you had a good weekend.

Hugs,

indigo 💜

[indigo22]

Hello again ER,

I had to write another message to tell you about another book I am listening to at present. The author is Sarah Breskman Cosme, this is her fourth book called A Hypnotists Journey To Avalon. All of her books have been great, but this is one you need to seek out. I have just listened to a chapter on the body and it goes into menopause and what it was originally meant for. If you can't find it at the library, ask if they will get it in for you. Sarah does similar work to Delores Canon but her role in this incarnation is to help reveal the buried truths to help humanity awaken to their true essence. I am only a quarter of the way through it and it has me hooked, just as I thought it would. Her other books are on Atlantis, the Sphinx and The Trail of Tears.

Let me know if you find it,

indigo 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear indigo,

Thank you so much for the book recommendation. I will try to track it down. I couldn’t see it online in the library system here so I could request it. It’s also available online as an e-book that could be downloaded to the Kindle app on my phone if I purchase it. The menopause part will be interesting.

It’s at times a living hell for me at the moment but I’m gradually adjusting to the reality of it. When the despair hits I get almost no sleep and the sleep I do get often involves the most horrific nightmares in which my worst fears and past traumas repeat over and over. It can affect me for hours after waking. But I’m using my unconscious now through meditation as source material to gain insight through what are essentially waking dreams. When I go to my favourite hill by the ocean I drop into an altered state. Images and reels play that show me things. It’s not always pleasant and can be very weird, but I’m working with this material because I know it’s where the healing is. It gives me clear guidance about things like intergenerational trauma patterns I’ve inherited at a primal level, how those things drove my parent’s ways of being in the world and how they’ve come to be in me. It’s in the strangest non-verbal language - primarily feeling and image.

It is wonderful you are feeling your creative spark coming back 🌟 I think you can feel when that space is opening up in you again. It’s a life force energy and it gives you the drive to want to act creatively. I love the idea of painting the pots. It’s like truly making your garden your own - an expression of yourself and spirit. It feels meaningful how you are getting enjoyment and purpose from your garden. I am still trying to bond and connect with mine which I think is because I was kind of dislocated/dissociated when I got here. I still feel like it’s someone else’s garden and I’m living in someone else’s home, but little by little I may begin to feel I belong. It’s great you have your tools now. It’s lovely to hear how you are enjoying it ☺️🪴🏡🌳🌸🌷

I’ve been listening to the most fascinating podcast - The Telepathy Tapes. It’s about non-speaking and minimally verbal people with autism who are demonstrating definitive telepathic abilities and other capacities. It completely fits with my experiences of working with non and minimally verbal autistic children. Over the 10 episodes it gets deeper and deeper into spiritual realms. It’s profound. It’s good to listen to the episodes in order as they deepen with the insights in each episode. I can recommend it if you are wanting a podcast to listen to. Not having speech and also having bodies they often can’t control, these people are open to other forms of communication and experience that many don’t grasp as real. Yet they are very real. I know I’m in that autistic field myself and I share some of the experiences, not necessarily as strongly as those on the podcast but the experiences are definitely there and have been my whole life. It’s very validating to listen to.

I hope you’re having a lovely day indigo and that you might be able to be out in your garden today.

Hugs 💖

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER,

I am having a really lousy day with depression today, not sure why, but I haven't had one for a while so I guess I was due for one.

I have almost finished the Avalon book and it is packed with stuff that relates to both of us. Since you are already going down the rabbit hole, the book will take you deeper with information and techniques that have been lost to us until now. I will be having a second listen as there are a number of places I want to bookmark for reference.

Your nightmares sound really tough to deal with, do they at least subside when you are not in the crash part of the cycle? Any news about the efficacy of new supplement you got recently? One of the things in the book that relates to you is about eating Kiwi Fruit for the liver. Another is about being outside in moonlight with no other light to balance hormones. I thought of you a number of times as I was listening.

I will keep it short today as my mind is in a fog, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I hope you are starting to feel a bit better, will talk again soon.

Hugs,

indigo 💜