Feeling worthless

[Tanya__]

I lost my mother unexpectedly when I was 21. Since then I got married and have 3 children of my own. I am super busy with working, looking after the kids, I run a small business from home, secretary on 2 different committees and own a stud with horses, I think I try and keep myself busy to try and distract myself. I am feeling like my husband and kids would be better off without me, I get really irritated easily and don't really want to socialise at all, not sure where to go from here, I just know that something needs to change

[startingnew]

Hi sorry for the late reply just been dealing with a heao of crap. My horse is far to naughty to compete yet but i use to love competing and hoping i can get back out there again one day.

[RandR]

Hi Tanya,

Or should I call you 'supermum'?! WOW! Talk about someone who can multitask.

Thanks for reaching out and sorry to hear about your loss at such a young age. I lost my dad at 18 whilst in my first year at Uni, from then for 12 years I dealt with depression and collected father figures over time.

The feeling of being worthless, getting irritated and not wanting to socialize is all to familiar. The burden of that cloud is very heavy, however, for someone with 3 kids, a husband, horses, running a business and being on multiple committees I'm inclined to think you can overcome this feeling over time.

Suffice to say you do a lot for 'other' people. Do you mind If I ask what you do for yourself? Any particular interest and hobbies/passion that put a fire in your belly and inspire you?

It took me a fairly long time to realise that something needed to change, but like the age of saying goes 'nothing changes if nothing changes. You've taken a great first step and should be proud of that.

Look forward to hearing back from you and all the best 🙂

[Tanya__]

RandR,

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your comment, I have been flat out and finally got a minute as I am early for work. I think I do so much to keep myself busy and I do really like doing things for others. I often think if I only got to have a day off a week but know me I couldn't relax and enjoy as there is always something that I need to do. My horses are my passion but unfortunately it is very expensive and when competing it is something that takes several hours a day 6 days a week for months before competition so I scale it back to a few completions each year that are not to far apart.

I found a wonderful mother type figure when I moved and she would help me out with the kids if I needed her or even just a chat but unfortunately she was diagnosed with a aggressive cancer and unfortunately has also passed away, just hoping that reaching out on here will help me feel a little better. Thank you again for your support

[RandR]

No worries at all @Tanya**,

You sound like your thoroughly enjoying your passion with horses and competition? That's great! Any upcoming competitions that you are preparing for? Do you ride or just train horses for other riders (and apologies if that's a stupid question!)?

Good to hear you're at least scaling back and I have a few friends of my own who also own horses and compete. Are you based in Victoria?

A day off sounds ideal. Who knows, you might surprise yourself and take a moment to just relax!

I hope you are feeling better and please keep in contact.

PS - Are you much of a cook? Do you enjoy Indian food?

[Tanya__]

Really sorry it has taken this long to reply. Flat out as usual.

I do ride my horses and compete myself. I have had a very successful year with nationaland east coast champion titles and a reserve Australian national champion.

Days off these days are few and far between bring my mood down unfortunately. I am a fairly good cook. I used to work as a cook in a cafe and restaurant but unfortunately I can't eat much in the way of spicy foods.

I just wanted to let you know that i do appreciate your kind words and reply a couple of months back.

[startingnew]

hi Tanya

just checking in and continuing my support where i can

hoping your ok

and love your avatar picture its so pretty!

[RandR]

Hi Tanya,

How have you been? No stress at all regarding the delay in getting back to me. Fantastic to hear that you've had a very successful year. Great to hear when hard work and commitment pays off!

I can imagine days off are few and far between.

Hope you're well and look forward to hearing back from you when you get a moment 🙂

Regards,

Raman.

[startingnew]

HI Tanya

how are you travelling?

havent heard anything from you for a while..