I’ve been feeling trapped by with my depression, by the anxiety I feel to speak out about it. What do you do when you feel as though every aspect in your life is triggering your depression anxiety? The only thing keeping me grounded is my partner and kids but I don’t feel like I can burden them with the way that I’m feeling
I feel for you so much as you try your hardest to work through the stress and upset you're facing. It can be such a lonely experience when no one truly understands or relates to how we feel life and our challenges.
I'm wondering whether your husband's the type of guy who'd be able to help you make sense of how you're feeling everything. If he is, maybe he'd be able to act as a support and guide regarding the challenges you're facing. On the other hand, if he's more a 'You'll be right, you just need to get on with things' kind of person, finding a guide still remains a challenge. If you can't think of anyone in your life at the moment who could be of guidance, bringing someone into your life sounds like it could be the key to unlocking the way forward.
Whether you find a GP who offers counseling services or one who could write you a referral for a mental health care practitioner, that could be one way to go. I should add, with a GP they'll be able to consider not just mental challenges but also some physical conditions that can bring about unbearable levels of depression and anxiety. If you're more a soulful kind of person, other things to consider could include spiritual or psycho-spiritual counseling. Perhaps there are other avenues you've been considering when it comes to guidance, maybe it's time to give them greater consideration.
I've found the old idea of 'Angel on one shoulder, devil on the other' can be of help at times, when it comes to finding the best way forward. While one lot of inner dialogue can eventually lead to a greater sense of heaven on earth, it could sound like 'You can't do this on your own, you need support and guidance. You need someone to help you through this'. The kind of inner dialogue that tends to generate a kind of hell on earth feel to it sounds more like 'You tell people how you feel. It'll make you look weak and people won't respect you. You should be able to manage this on your own. No matter what, keep it to yourself'. One side leads to liberation, the other leads to continuing sufferance. Tapping into the more enlightening side can definitely be a challenge in depression, that's for sure. I've found it helps to ask the right question and that question needs to be specific, as opposed to 'How do I feel better?', which is very general. 'How do I find guidance and support?'. Perhaps this is the question you asked and the answer led you here.
Thank you so much for reaching out, I’m so sorry to hear about how you’ve been feeling.
Is there anything specific that you think may be triggering your feelings, or is it a range of different things?
For me, I do whatever feels right to me in the moment. If I need to cry, I allow myself the space to do so. I find journalling really helpful, as it allows me to express the feelings that are more difficult to put into words. It’s quite therapeutic, I would definitely recommend investing in a little journal to write down things like this in.
I can empathise with the feeling of not wanting to burden others with what you’re going through. What I tend to do is ask the person if they have the capacity to hear what I’m struggling with, which accounts for the fact that they may also not be in a good headspace for offering advice and support. Social support is often a great way to start feeling better and even seek the help that you may need, if you’d be open to the idea of having a chat to a GP or mental health professional.
Would you feel comfortable approaching your partner about how you’re feeling, particularly if you preface the conversation by asking if they’d be willing to/are able to hear what you have to say? You may find it therapeutic opening up to somebody trusted about your feelings.
I hope this is helpful, please feel free to keep chatting with us, we’re here to support you as best as we can.
Take care, SB