Feeling hopeless

Jmp33 · ‎07-06-2016

Hi all,

This is my first post do here goes. I broke up with my partner of 8 years 3 weeks ago. Ever since my life feels like it's falling apart. I think I've always suffered mild depression but the past couple of months and then the breakup have got me to the point that I don't even know who I am anymore. I cry all the time, I don't have family support as they hated my partner. I feel like he has left and is off travelling the country courtesy of his dad who basically bribed him out of our relationship with money and travels, while I'm left here to pick up the pieces of my life. He has disconnected his phone yet had called several times from a private number which only leaves me feeling more upset and confused. I can't eat, have no motivation to get off the couch and I'm sooooo tired from not being able to sleep. Ive just started antidepressants but they take time to work I know. I'm alone, scared and feeling so overwhelmed with how to move on. It's like I'm in a daze.

Fairywings · ‎07-06-2016

Hi sweety thanks for reaching out to us welcome and i am so proud of you for doing so. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling right now but i can assure you things do get much better you just have to believe in yourself. There is always light at the end of the dark tunnel. I want you to start keeping a journal write it all out on paper you will find great relief in doing so. Coming out of a long term relationship is never easy but you will get thru. Can you tell me if you have any friends around that support you i know u said ur feeling alone and scared is there anyone you do stay in touch with.? Also sweety it might be an option to explore some options to help you get to sleep and have a good night rest. Have a chat to ur gp or therapist I know myself if i don't sleep i begin to spiral quite quickly. I too suffer from depression and am medicated that's what helps me get by in life. Please come back to us we are all here for you xx Venessa

Jmp33 · ‎08-06-2016

Hi Fairywings,

unfortunately most of my friends have become distant aquatintces as my partner was not supportive of outside relationships! I'm just left with so many questions. Why would his family work behind my back to break us up? What was he saying to them? How can he just leave without a second thought for me? 2 months ago we were trying on engagement rings. I've spoken to lifeline just to let it all out and I'm now just waiting to start therapy in a couple of weeks. I can't switch off my mind. The no sleep is a killer! I've changed so much in the last few years and am really at rock bottom. It's hard to see a way out. He was a very selfish man and I can see all his faults but hate myself for still being able to be manipulated by him. I also hate myself for not being strong enough to beat these feelings. It all just seems like too much right now!

geoff · ‎08-06-2016

hello Jmp, it's always very sad when a long partnership comes to an inexplicable end, because the dots just don't connect, so you are left wondering why all of this happened.
There does seem as though both families didn't agree on you going out with him, but it was for 8 years, so you would think that they would have mellowed in all this time, but also his family was doing everything they could to break it up as well, so there was friction, but if the both of you were happy then who cares, however you say that he was selfish, and people like this can easily be bribed by money and the chance of travelling.
He must have pushed all your friends away, and I know of a couple of relationship/marriage where this has also happened, but now one chap who is now widowed has been trying to reconnect with his past friends, and good luck to him because they have come back.
I just wonder whether you are more upset for staying with him while he was controlling you, or trying to fight back or perhaps having the feeling of 'kiss and go', in other words he was getting all he could get out of you and once this finally happened he took what he could get.
Don't get me wrong by saying any of this, because I know that when someone you have been with for a long time suddenly leaves you is never a comfortable thought and you then struggle.
Can I ask you if he comes back to you would you let him in. Geoff. x

Fairywings · ‎08-06-2016

He sounds like the controlling type 😢 don't in any way hate yourself use this as a learning curve which will allow you to become stronger in not accepting this type of behavior into your life. Don't blame yourself in any way you will get through this there is always light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I'm happy to hear you will be starting therapy soon this will help you just keep believing in yourself. I found taking a walk getting fresh air really helped me in my time of despair. Just the sound of the open air very theraputic and it will also help you get to sleep at night even a nice relaxing bath or hot shower would do it for me too. I also found sitting at the beach on a windy day was nice and calming too. I used to keep a journal it really helped. Given that u r feeling lost with so many questions unanswered writing it all down will help get those feelings out of ur head i know u said u feel like ur mind cannot switch off i totally get it my mind races each and every night it is unbearable so i can empathize with you. My now hubby we were high school sweet hearts my parents never thought he was good enough for me and my family and some of my extended family did everything in their power to keep us apart. As youngsters we dated for about 6mths then all turned crappy and we never saw eachother again. My family had scared him away i was devastated. 10 yrs later we recconected and are now married with a beautiful little boy so my point is there is always hope. You will find u can find the strength to keep going and move on from this. Nothing in life is permanent and it all happens for a reason which will become clear to you as time passes. Always here for you and thanks for coming back to me xxoo please take care of yourself.