Feeling hopeless right now.

[babyfox]

Recently I was “fired” from my second job. I know that when people are fired they often don’t believe they deserved it, however this is a true case of I really didn’t deserve it.

At the time, I was also taking time off from my first job, as I have desperately been wanting to leave entirely. I thought by taking time off there, I could focus on my second job, however then this incident happened. The time I took off from my first job was for a 2 month period, and I cannot cancel it. So right now, I am unemployed, and have been for almost 4 weeks. I wasn’t getting many hours at my first job anyway, and it was an environment that was severely draining me mentally; not because the job was hard, but because it was too simple and not mentally stimulating in the slightest. I was losing my sense of self and a bucket load of intelligence just working there. I don’t want to go back.

I’ve been looking for more work, applied for some, but there are not many going around. I can’t apply if there are no positions available, but when one comes up I make sure to apply. I’ve not received any acknowledgment or response for the ones I have applied for.

Not having any success there so far, I looked into studying. It seems like a good avenue to take, other than it’s going to cost me quite a lot of money; money I don’t have, other than savings, but once I go through my savings I’ll have nothing to survive on. I’ve also had a lot of anxiety when it has come to study, so the money situation isn’t the only thing holding me back.

I’ve suffered depression amongst other things since I was fourteen. Four years ago I made progress, and thought I had overcome it. But now I feel it taking control again, and I’ve tried my best to keep it at bay, but it’s a beast. I feel hopeless, lost, miserable and pathetic. I’m an adult and yet I feel like I’m not living like an adult should; I’ve struggled but found ways to cope in recent years, but now I’m beyond struggling and I don’t know what to do. I wanted to be in a stable full time job by now, and yet I find myself unemployed and depressed.

How it came to this, I do not know; possibly just poor judgment of character and choice of work. In my mind, I know their actions speak more about the type of people they are, and not about the person I am. But it’s their actions, their intentionally cruel decisions, which have affected me so greatly. And now I am struggling beyond belief, and falling into a black hole of depression as each day passes.

[White_Rose]

Dear Babyfox

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you for telling us your story. I can see why you feel depressed at the moment. May I ask where you live? I don't mean your address or town, I mean do you live in town/cit/bush/back of beyond. I know it is far more difficult to get employment in small towns though even in large cities it can be difficult.

To keep up our skills many people do voluntary work. There are usually organisations that need volunteers and you are learning new skills as well. This can also lead to paid employment at the volunteer job, and/or demonstrate you have a good work ethic which may be useful when applying for other jobs. Have a look round. Because you will be busy it may also help you with your depression.

Are you receiving any help for your depression? If it has been around for quite q while and you don't have any support I suggest you have a chat to your GP as a start. This feeling of hopelessness is very common in groups those managing depression. So don't think you are the odd one out.

Can you apply for CentreLink benefits? I am unsure what the waiting time is but I would think you are close to being eligible. It would give you some cash until you get another job. It's certainly worth a try. Applying for jobs is stressful and takes you away from having free time. So chat with your GP and see what he/she can help you with.

I hope you will continue to write in here. Someone is always around.

Mary

[babyfox]

Hello White Rose,

Thank you for your comment.

I live in a small town, job opportunities are minimal at best, but I apply when I can.

I have done volunteer work, but I need money. I'm okay with building my skills, but I am at a point where I need an income because I am really struggling to get by. Volunteer work doesn't often turn into paid employment in this town, they never have enough money to do so.

I received seven years of help with doctors and therapy. It helped, I overcame a lot. I don't believe I need them anymore, I've coped without them for four years and plan to continue that way. Depression is horrible and can be suffocating, but I know I can get through it; it's just a matter of when, how long.

I have tried to apply at CentreLink. That’s a hopeless case as well. I’ve got to do so much just to see if I can claim, and I’m not likely to get any income or very little as my partner is earning a significant amount of money. Basically they think he can support me. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Thanks for the advice. I will just keep trying different avenues, even though I'm sure I've tried them all so far.

[Croix]

Dear Babyfox~

You position sounds a most unpleasant one and from the look of it circumstances and bad luck seem to have combined to make life hard at the moment.

I'm not sure that there is actually much more you can do about a job except of course to keep on trying. In today's environment where potential employers are spoiled for choice it can be very hard to get rejections, or worst still nothing. As you would know it is not so much a reflection on the applicant as the fact there are too many after too few jobs. The only real option to improve matters is to move, and most often that is not possible.

Depression will of course put a hopeless cloud over the lot. My own attempts have been to try to separate job-seeking from everyday life. I do not apply for many at all it is true, but I'm not sure that helps much, just puts more emphasis on those I do apply for. If one can put aside a certain amount of time for employment matters and then quarantine the whole thing and try to become occupied and seek enjoyment and not think on it you may find that helps. I know it sounds impractical as your situation is coloring your whole life, however any respite can help.

I use the free smartphone app Smiling Mind to help break unwanted chains of thoughts.

With education some universities offer free subsidized units where no on-campus presence is required. While the range of subjects is limited and the duration more intensive and short they might be a possibility as a stop-gap.

In relation to medical support, I would have thought that might depend on circumstances, if you find you are not coping or are heading into a worse state it might only be sensible to consider using that extra resource, particularly as it has helped in the past.

Is your partner someone you can talk to about this? Sharing a burden can help even if no way out is obvious to either. Anyway feel free to come hear and talk/vent/.. as you might want, you will be very welcome.

Croix