Feeling Down - Needing Support / Advice

[Chuckles1977]

Well my story begins 22 years ago when I ran away from home at the age of just 14 years old. I was from the Mid North Coast and jumped on a bus to Sydney. I had never been there before. So when I got there it was dark, nearing the middle of the night and I was scared.

From them until approx. 4 months ago I was homeless when I found my younger sister and mum through Facebook of all places. My sister invited me to live with her, my future brother in law and 2 young nieces (8 months and 4 years old). I was an Uncle and never knew it until we began talking before moving back up to the Mid North Coast.

A week after moving back up to the Mid North Coast and moving in with my sister and her family I had to go to the doctors to have some tests done which is what I was about to have done in Sydney. Within a matter of days it came back that I have Stage 4 Cancer. It's aggressive and no option of treatment as they feel it would be pointless.

I had to break this to my mum and sister. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My mums first words after being told what the doctors said was 'I just got my son back and now he is going to die on me'. This broke my heart. My sister held her emotions well as her partner was at work. She messaged him and told him the news. He decided to come home so she went and picked him up. They took a long time and I could see when she walked in the door that she had been crying. She broke down as soon as she got with her partner.

Right now I am on some really strong medications to control the pain as it is really bad at times. And sometimes I can't even get to sleep. I find it difficult talking to my mother or sister about my feelings and what is going on in my head. They want to know so they can help, but it's hard to tell them. And I just don't know how to do it.

Now the worst thing is the oncology unit at the local hospital gave me a time frame of roughly how long I have left. And I haven't told them that. And I really don't know how to or even if I should. Because it's not a massive time.

We are trying to spend as much time together doing things and getting lots of photos so there is some good memories before I pass. But with the pain I have been sleeping a lot and we haven't been able to do much lately. I feel that I am a burden on them, even though they say I'm not. I can't help how I feel.

Now, do I tell them the truth about what I know or do I not. My counselor thinks I shouldn't tell them. But to me that's lying.

[White_Rose]

Dear Zac

I started to reply to you yesterday but then the world intervened and my good intentions disappeared. Here's hoping.

How very thoughtful of you to make sure your mom had someone to support her after you brought her up to date. After the first shock she probably wanted to be on her own until the realisation kicked in, which is when she needs her sister.

By the way, I think I could tell the difference between you and soap. A bar of soap is the small one, yes? 😊

So pleased you have decided to stay with your sister. It will be lovely for you and later you will have lots of support when you need it. It will also make it unnecessary to worry about you and your whereabouts. I am sad that you are having a lot of pain. I wish I could reach through the computer and touch you and perhaps hold your hand. Unfortunately technology has not got that far, but please take the thought for the deed. I will send a virtual hug.

Does your family know you are writing in here? I think it may help them to know other people are supporting you, though not as directly as your family. Can you tell us what you do at home? TV, reading, writing? Have you thought of writing a journal for your family. Something they can read later and feel you are still there? It may help both you and them. Just a thought.

This afternoon I am going to my granddaughter's birthday party. She is now seven. I have been teaching her to knit and she wants some more wool to finish the scarf she is knitting for her other grandma in Scotland. She tells me, "it's very cold in Scotland grandma so my other grandma needs a scarf". Now those are the memories worth keeping. I must admit I could do with a bit of Scottish cold at the moment. You will be experiencing Queensland's heatwave with me. Hot I can take, humidity is where I draw the line. Today we are supposed to be cooler, just in time to brace ourselves for the next heatwave later in the week.

It's a joy reading your posts. I hope you will continue as much as you are able.

Mary