feeling distanced and disassociated from society

[Luna1729]

Hi,

I have been struggling on and off with anxiety and depression for the last ten years, but recently (the last month or so) I've been experiencing disassociation more strongly than in the past.

I feel as though I can't focus on what's going on around me and quite often catch myself staring into space crying and not knowing why.

I've also been feeling more and more unimportant and ghost like. It happens a lot that I'll start talking about something and will get cut off, or talked across. My boyfriend does it all the time, but so do people at work too. It makes me feel like what I have to and what I do doesn't matter. It makes me feel like I don't matter. I think my boyfriend is distancing himself from me too. He doesn't really talk to me anymore. He spend hours of the day playing computer games and hardly saying 2 words to me.

I'm not too sure how to make myself feel better or how to get my boyfriend interested in me, rather than a computer.

Please any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[white knight]

Hi Luna, welcome

My problems are similar. Being interrupted. My wife is the worst interrupter in the world. Its annoying because you get the feeling they are not listening but are more like thinking about what they are going to say.

But guess what? The answer to that lies somewhere in the middle.

You can google this thread ...Topic: depression and sensitivity a connection- beyondblue

That gives you some ideas if what I'm talking about.

Communication is about a "flow" if words between people not a you talk, me talk strictly separate sections. We live in a grey world not black and white. Be more tolerant but...if you are rudely cut off, blatantly cut off...best to stare at the person and say nothing...the power of silence. Respect should be present.

We with depression are more reactive.

As for your bf and how to stop him playing so often on the computer, have a meeting and tell him of your need to spend quality time with him. Meals should be at the table, no TV, no phones. If he rushes to finish his meal then tell him desert is on its way and make him wait 15 minutes before you serve it

Subtlely steer him toward you rather than using a sledge hammer with too much upset.

Tony WK

[hope4joy]

Hi Luna,

welcome to the forums and thanks for your post. I was drawn to the title, because being distanced, disconnected and disassociating is something I experience a lot. I relate to what you share about being cut off and interrupted. I notice it really strongly when I'm feeling unwell (down, tired, really anxious etc) because it becomes more pronounced. I visualise it like I have a ball of energy around me and so does everyone else. When I'm low my ball gets smaller, barely covering me. So talking to other people, when I pull back and don't say much, their energy gets bigger and invades my space. I'm not sure if this makes sense. I know that if I step forward and take a more active role in the conversation, then I don't get interrupted half as much. I found some people are particularly difficult to interrupt, but it can be done. The other day I ran into this woman I met at a course a few years ago and we caught up a couple of times afterwards. She talks incessantly and never left spaces between her words. It literally took about 2 hours of her talking before we ate dinner and then several more hours of talking. Just when I went to leave (almost in tears from being trapped in this situation) she asked something about me. But the point of sharing this is that I ran into this woman the other day at my local shops. Unfortunately she recognised me and came up to talk. I had a team meeting that night and also didn't want to talk. She started her steady stream of words and I interrupted and said I had to go. She kept talking so I interrupted again and this time she heard me and I left. It felt incredibly empowering. So things can change for the better Luna!

I think Tony WK gave some good suggestions too. And it is sadly the case that depression and other mental illness (like BPD which I have) makes us more sensitive in relating to others. All I can suggest is that you try to 'fake it till you make it' in believing that your opinion and thoughts matter and that you deserve to take up space. And then on those really bad days when life is something to cope with, well be extra kind to yourself and don't be annoyed at yourself if you hardly say a word. You can move forward and take up space again when you feel stronger.

Kind wishes to you Luna, and lovely profile name by the way.

Christina