Depression/anxiety or bipolar?

Busymum · ‎21-06-2016

I am scared. I think I'm bi-polar. I've seen a psychologist for a few years now but honestly when I do see her I describe what I'm feeling at the time and I suffer anxiety and severe depression. But researching has me thinking I have bi-polar. My husband is a police officer and I feel like he doesn't get it. He deals with mental illness daily. I don't have anyone to talk to. How do you know if you are bipolar when it's a mixed bag of depression/anxiety?

Gweneveive · ‎21-06-2016

Hi, I'm a new member. Today I took the first step to find out if I'm bipolar. I went to my GP who has referred me to a Psychiatrist. It has taken me some time to admit to myself that my moods are extreme and this has cost me dearly. I was also married to a policeman who 'didn't get it'. I was therefore scared to raise my concerns for my mental health. So I battled on and would miraculously bounce back up and everything was good. I have remarried and after 9 years together I plucked up the courage to tell my husband that I think I am bipolar. He told that he has been waiting 3 years for me to reach this conclusion. He came with me to the GP as he can describe what he sees. I would suggest that you identify examples of your behavior that you think fits bipolar and then write it down with a bit of detail so that you don't forget it. Speak to your GP. I wish I had the courage to address this earlier as the ups and downs are more regular and devastating as I am in my early 50's. I would also add that I am a little scared of losing the really good moods but the lows are too bad and I really can't risk alienating loved ones and friends. I can see this as a possibility if I don't try to get help.

Kazzl · ‎21-06-2016

Hi Busymum and Gweneveive, welcome to the forum. I'm Kaz, and I'm recently diagnosed with bipolar after about 15 years of being treated for depression.

Busymum, Gweneveive's advice is spot on. You need to see your doctor and take along some notes about what you're experiencing. A psychologist can help you of course once you have a diagnosis, but they cannot prescribe medication and probably won't diagnose. Only a doctor or a psychiatrist can do that. I think it's a good idea to take your partner in with you if you feel he will be able to explain what he's observed (fluctuating moods, hypomanic behaviour etc). It sounds like you have researched the condition so perhaps show him information you've gathered and talk it through with him. If you feel he won't 'get it' don't be put off. See your doc anyway. One thing they look for is whether you are 'cycling' between highs and lows and if so how frequently. So have a think about that.

Gweneveive - I'm interested that you say the ups and down are more regular now you're in your 50s. That's what's happened with me. I look back and can see I've always been this way but it wasn't until I started cycling rapidly that I recognised the symptoms and finally got the courage to get a diagnosis. It's not easy to accept is it; I'm still working on it.

Busymum I was terrified of getting the diagnosis too and, while it's still not easy, I'm very glad I did. At least now I understand a lot more about myself, and it's not as scary as you might expect once you have a treatment plan and you learn more and begin to understand it better.

I have started a thread on this board called This bipolar life, it's for anyone who has bipolar, though it starts with my own experiences. Please feel free to join in if you want, and of course keep posting here, or wherever you feel comfortable on the forum.

Very best wishes to you both ladies; it's great to have you on the forum.

Kaz

Busymum · ‎24-06-2016

Thank you both. My depression manifests as extreme where I don't want to function/think. When I'm in this mood I describe it as wanting to watch everyone and everything around me but I don't want to be part of it. Don't talk, don't look don't acknowledge. I don't want to exist. Then I slip into severe annoyance/agitation and confrontation mood where relationships are affected. I will not sleep and wake up thinking of all the things that are happening and somehow relate it to me. E.G. My neighbour is moving what have I done? Someone at work is talking -it must be about me. I also suffer anxiety, about leaving the house - what if I have an accident who will have the kids. The only bi polar symptom that I'm confused about is the ups. I do go out of my way to do things for people because I like the feeling. I love feeling like I've helped someone but I've noticed that because I chase this feeling I go overboard and people seem to get annoyed with my over the top behaviour. I get excited by the prospect of "making it happen"

Kazzl · ‎26-06-2016

Hey Busymum, I recognise everything you've described.

I am trying to take comfort in knowing that lot of my thoughts and behaviour are because of my condition. I'm not mad, I'm not silly or stupid, I'm not anything bad. I'm bipolar. And knowing that, I can start to see patterns of behaviour and learn to moderate it.

I am learning too to enjoy the good ups. I have to be careful where they take me, but enjoy them nonetheless. I chase that feeling too hun and it sometimes takes me where I shouldn't be (like being totally overcommitted) but if you're careful, it's a great feeling when you catch it eh!

Good to talk with you again - don't forget to tell your doc these things hun. But it's then up to you how you want to go with treatment, or not.

Kaz

Busymum · ‎30-06-2016

Thanks kazzl. The more I research the more I think I am....it terrifying but relief at the same time to finally feel I've worked out what is wrong with me.

Kazzl · ‎01-07-2016

Hi Busymum, yes I feel the same. Best to get a doctor to diagnose though. My doc uses a questionnaire from the Black Dog Institute (on their website) as one of her diagnostic tools. Might be worth having a look at that?

I've been on medication now for four weeks and it's starting to kick in I think. Saw my doc this week and told her I didn't want too high a dose because I don't want to lose the good ups. She increased it a little but it's still quite low, so I'll see how that goes for a few weeks.

I have met some other people who have bipolar and they have different stories about medication. It can take some time to get it right it seems. Some of them are not medicated and manage it through lifestyle etc, but then they don't work full-time. Really nice people.

I think knowing what's going on makes us quite self aware and I think that's a good thing. For example I now try harder not to engage with people if something's making me angry, because I know I might escalate.

It's exhausting being constantly aware of your thoughts and feelings, and constantly checking your behaviour and questioning what you're thinking or planning. But perhaps we get more used to that with time.

Good to talk with you hun, go well.

Kaz