Explains it all

arka

For about half a year, I just sort of assumed that I was going through a rough patch. That was until I realised that the “rough patch” was just an amplified extension of the past five years of my life. I’ve had phases of heightened anxiety and more moderate to severe depressive states, but I haven’t really recognised it as depression until now, and saying it now all just… makes sense. With changes in my life concerning family as well as more personal things (which have previously been problems in my life, but have just gotten more serious and concerning as of recently), it makes sense that I’ve been relying so much heavily on non-productive habits as a crutch to evade the responsibilities I’m still yet to adjust properly to, all because I’ve been trying to ignore the stress it brings me. It feels sort of liberating to finally put a name to the way I felt and the state of intense isolation, stress and exhaustion it forced me into for a whole half of last year, but it still doesn’t make it any better. I’m still just as sad and fed up as before don’t get me wrong.

It is still reassuring to say that we’re all in this together. There’s a whole community of people dealing with similar things or a similar feeling that they can relate to, and it makes me more hopeful that we can make it past this through supporting each other 🙂

therising

Hi arka

While I feel for you so much regarding the struggles you face, I'm glad you're now able to give how you feel a name. You're right, while being able to put a name to what we're experiencing doesn't magically 'fix' everything, at the very least it can help point us in the right direction.

From my own experience with depression, I've come to look at life as being on 3 levels: I'm either flying high, grounded or in a depression (under ground). How I experience a depression will depend on

How long it takes for me to recognise I'm in there
The people I have around me who are raising me, bringing me down further or letting me vibe where I'm at (not making any difference to me)
The cause of being in there. Whether it's caused by physical factors (such as chemical imbalances), mental factors or soul destroying kinds of factors or all of those combined, I've found identifying and addressing the real cause is what helps make the most difference
How I'm identifying myself also relates to how deeply I experience the depression. For example, I can be identifying myself as 'Hopeless, pathetic, good for nothing, a waste of space, unlovable...' or I can say 'I know I have the ability to sense what is depressing, anxiety inducing and more because I can sense/feel the impact or side effects. What it is, specifically, that's leading me to feel such impact requires questioning and investigation'. So, while the first identity is depressing, the second points to an ability that can be making life feel like hell on earth

and the list goes on.

While some things can take us into a depression at breakneck speed, such as with sudden trauma, other things can facilitate a gradual descent and aren't all that obvious. We can't necessarily feel our self teetering on the brink of going in. We can't necessarily even feel our self in there, just a little way down. But there will be a point where it feels undeniable. We know we're in it. From the brink all the way through to rock bottom, it is a place that can be felt on many levels. Again, you're 100% right in what you say about how relevant it is when it comes to finding people who can relate (especially when it comes to how those different levels feel). This way, we're not feeling alone. We have people who are feeling with us and for us in relation to where we're at.❤️