empty

[nataya]

Hi im new here abd just learning my way around the forum.

i am not new to depression tho.

I feel so empty, this emptyness consumes me complelty, i dont know how to fet full again.i feel so alone like i am an alien from a different planet that the rest of the world. I dont know how to get connected with anybody and even my self.

Its so hard just to do everyday task. I can not even shower as im should. I have to work but its so hard to stay connected and i only do 2hrs a day if i work.

I feel i am the worst person in the world right now and i can not shake it at all.



beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[white knight]

Hi Nataya, welcome here to beyond blue forums

I'm afraid its all up to you. You dont mention if you are under medication or seeking therapy though. If not please seek an appointment with your doctor.

It isnt easy trying to lift your head above water. A mix of meds, therapy and the right attitude is needed. You really have to develop a determined approach to your challenges.

I recommend you read some of the threads below. Use search and read them. They will help to guide you.

DEPRESSION - a ship on the high seas

Depression - is there any positive"

Being positive - what's the secret?

Seeking the origin of anxiety

Feeding your brain

Good luck and you're welcome to repost at any time.

Take care   Tony WK

[White_Rose]

Hello Nataya

Welcome to Beyond Blue. So pleased you have been able to write your story here. It must have taken a great deal of effort and energy, but you did it.

Unfortunately, as you are finding out, depression saps your energy leaving you feeling like a jelly. Not nice. I am pleased you are able to work a few hours a day. Have you been back to your doctor and/or psych? Perhaps one or other can give you a medical certificate to say you can only work a certain number of hours per day. It's good to get out of bed and out of the house and go to work. That way you have the company of others to support you, even if they do not know this.

One of the most important ways to start healing is to be with other people. And making yourself go to work for a short time each day really, really helps. I know. I did this for six months. Didn't make it to work every day but it was a goal.

What about medication? Did you have any medication in the past, and did it help? Not being nosy, just offering suggestions.

Trying to get well in one hit is impossible. You have been there before and know that it means taking baby steps and holding on tight to your courage. Do you live with family/partner/friends? Living on your own in these circumstances is an added burden. I know, I've been there.

So first step, see your doctor and take it from there. Put no pressure on yourself but accept each day as it happens. Easy to say I know, but try anyway.

Get back to us soon and tell us how you are managing.

Regards

Mary

[CrashCoyote]

Hello Nataya,

Or should I say Costa Rican Variable Harlequin Toad? That is a great picture for your avatar.

Unfortunately for us, but maybe fortunately for you, Tony, Mary and I are all no strangers to depression, so I hope our advice can give some little help to you.

All I would like to add to the advice you currently have is to not judge yourself too harshly. Even little steps when fighting depression are a big deal. In many ways you may never be the way you were before it struck, but there is hope for you to feel better with the right help and support.

Think of it not like an illness you get over but an amputation you learn to live with. There will always be times in your life when you feel down, no matter how good your strategies are, it is just part of life, but please don't mistake that for depression if you are noticing an improvement in how you feel or how you are coping.

Kind regards, John.

[nataya]

WAs not expecting such a warm response so thank you very much for your time.

I guess i should give a bit more info about whats going on. I currently have a team who work with me to help keep me well, i really am very lucky in the help i have and to have such a good team is good but my psychologist left last week i am again on the wait list for a new one.

I am also going through the break down of my six year relationship with my partner. So i do live on my own i have cats but thats it. I have one friend i can talk to about what is going on. I have one friend at all. I have no family here,and even if i did id only want to see my brother.

I i struggle as soon as i am on my ownthe thoughts come flooding in, i feel so empty as a person like there is nothing inside me. Like i am just a shell of a person. I try not to listen to my thoughts but sometimes its just to hard to ignore. I am currently on medication and i feel it is to much but it does help me it makes things not so intense and hard. Ive been on meds since my teens but its been on and off them not the whole time.

I am trying my hardest to get well and feel better i put so much energy in but i dont get much out of it, it just seems to drain me.

Im trying to stay aflot the best i can but i feel im drowing.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi again Nataya,

It is always hard to change psychologists. The dread of having to bond with another one, having to tell them all about yourself (again) and not knowing if they are better skilled than the last can all contribute to a general uneasiness about it. Let's hope you strike gold and get a good one, as sometimes you can progress better with them. That happened to me when I changed when my first guy retired. The lady I see now is so much better yet I really liked the first guy and thought he was the best.

I am sorry you are grieving for your relationship. I think I speak for quite a few of the usual suspects on here when I say we will listen to you if you need to work through those thoughts. Most of us have been in a similar situation so maybe we can help?

I only have a sister and we are pretty close, but she will not mind if I talk to you if I can sub in for your brother, if you'd like that. It is up to you but the offer is there.

Your post is very honest and descriptive and sounds like you are able to auto critique well, so you must be quite intelligent and logical, even if you don't see those qualities in yourself. I would like to learn more about you if you have the energy and desire to write.

Kind regards, John.