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Do not feed the monster

Emotions26
Community Member

I am struggling to understand this website and find my way around

I have replied to some people

I think that two champions replied to my first two posts

I do not know where they are now

 

I have supported several posts of others

I have replied to one person I think today

 

I am resonating with several posts in different areas but cannot remember where they are

 

I am literally lost within this website as well as within myself

 

I am working very hard at keeping the dreaded "D" at bay which I have battled with too many times.

I have had this since young apparently

I have had large gaps of time where I am mostly symptom free I think

 

The monster is the dreaded "d"

It is also a relative whom I have had to relinquish her hold over me.

I have only learnt about this stuff recently so struggle talking about it.

 

So I think of do not feed the monster as in do not think of her. Or do not feel guilty or upset or worry or a thousand other things

 

Also do not feed the dreaded "d" as it lurks waiting

 

I will not find this piece again

119 Replies 119

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Em26,

 

I just wanted to make a brief post to say that I really liked what you wrote about compassion for others. It's so clear to me that you really care about others here and in your personal life, and I think that's such an amazing trait. I hope it's something that you can also draw strength from, even when you are being belittled yourself.

 

Something your post made me think about was how we learn over time to be kind to ourselves. Whether that's setting boundaries, recognising our strengths, learning to speak for ourselves, or just taking a bit of time to rest and recover, it seems we learn more and more as we overcome these mental health challenges. I can see a lot of that in your posts, and it's nice to read.

 

I hope your week is going okay.

 

James

Hi Em

I am rather old-fashioned when it comes to punctuation.

You can also save on characters counted by having short paragraphs, which will require fewer spaces between fewer sentences. For example, I could remove one Caracter if I was to begin this sentence on a new line.

Personally, I find large blocks of writing more difficult when there is no punctuation, & sometimes I've noticed no capital letters either. I will often copy & paste the text into a work document & tidy it up, so I will then be able to follow & understand better what someone has written.

My text-to-speech reader tries to recognise punctuation & the voice will raise a notch in pitch for commas, question marks & exclamation marks. That helps me understand what someone has to say better.

Don't you worry; you write as you please.

I've wondered if the no punctuation is about how the mind is fast, going quickly from one thought to another, & people are just trying to get it all down.

I am also aware how inconvenient it is when typing on a phone. I won't ever do this stuff on my phone.

Even though I make mistakes, which I like to correct ASAP, I still like my physical keyboard. I used to like pen & paper more but writing like that is no longer practical.

 

Mekitty, the cat in my avatar, didn't giv cuddles. sometimes she would permit me to lean over & wrap my arms around her, where she lay curled up, for a minute or so. then she would get annoyed, especially if my hair fell into her face. She would only let me holdher for twenty seconds at a time, too.

Yet, sometimes, she would get in between the back of my office chair & my back, while I was there, using my PC.

So, thank you to your cat for the little pet.

Mekitty had a loud purr, like s

she had a motor inside generating the purr.Like beautiful means 'full of beauty', purrful means 'full of purr'.

Hi James, I agree, when we canearn to look at ourselves with compassion, we can begin to care more & be kind & gentle with ourselves. It's as if I hadn't had any empathy or sympathy for myself when I was younger. (& Em, I'm 63 now, & getting closer to being 64 every day). Some of what I've had to deal with was being angry at myself for things I didn't know or understand, & things I could not control.

I've lerned, I am not the dismal failure I thought, not a nothing, useless thing no one would ever want. It was all old baggage from my childhood.

& I can do things to help myself up when I fall down. I'm not weak, not powerless, & my life is my own.

Hugzies to you, Em & James, & all

mmmekitty

 

Hello MMekitty

Thank you for writing.

Sorry about not punctuating. It was my way of including more content in the one post as I tend to write so much.

I will write less words to you and I do not want to make it an uncomfortable experience for you.

I am proud of you for realising that it is not you who is a failure and all of the other descriptions. It is the poor, unkind judgement of others. You definitely have not failed. You have succeeded and your life most definitely is your own.

There is much that you can choose to do as you know best.

I am going to be away for nearly two months and will not be accessing the forums.

I wanted to let you know personally.

I am exhausted and not feeling the best at all which should not be the case at all. I am so very tired and overloaded.

I am going to take care of myself. I will return. In the meantime you look after you and there will be many campfire stories to catch up on.

Perhaps if you don't mind you might tell the campfire gatherers on my behalf.

Take care always

Em

Thank you James

Firstly for reading my words and taking in what I inferred.

It can be difficult when trying to change a pattern of an lifetime and putting others first.

I am assertive and diplomatic when needed. I have learnt that the boundaries need to be monitored as well as keeping an eye and ear on others. Often the boundaries have to be moved. Flexibility with determination. I am also mindful of how others can be affected especially when families are involved. 
I believe that I for one will never stop learning. The human mind fascinates and intrigues me as well as being perplexing and complicated.

I hope that you are managing. Your tone sounds lighter.

Take care

Em 25

Hi Em

I understand.

I'd love to give you a gig Hugzies, loads of them to keep ready for when you need them while you are away.

I appreciate the need to step back & to take time to care for yourself, especially when feeling overwhelmed.

& thank you for considering my needs & putting in punctuation & using the short paragraphs, too. That is very kind of you. I have a tendancy to write 'too much', at least for this site's character count, so, yes, I understand why you wanted not to use punctuation.

Don't worry, I'll let the campers know.

Hugzies, hugzies

mmMekitty

P.S. useing 'MM' to write my name looks like my big, very pretty & cute, sharp teeth!

 

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi mmmekitty,

This was such a great point you made and I'm so glad that it's a perspective you now have, and are sharing with others here.

"I've learned, I am not the dismal failure I thought, not a nothing, useless thing no one would ever want. It was all old baggage from my childhood. & I can do things to help myself up when I fall down. I'm not weak, not powerless, & my life is my own."

 

 

Such a great way to think about how difficult it is to feel like a failure, while also remembering that we have a lot of inner strength and resilience, and need just a little help to overcome the baggage that's keeping us down.

 

James

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Em 25,

Take care while you are away. We'll keep the fire burning for when you return. I hope you get some rest and feel better soon.

James

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

EM 

thanks for very honest posts .
I relate to them. I over 6 decades young and still waiting for wisdom that comes with age. 

My life is a work in progress with many glitches on the way. 
take care. 

Hello all to whom have so kindly left me messages here. 
Nice to come back and find.

I will write more when have more energy.

Take care and look after yourselves all.

Em

Hi Em

Great to see you again.

Got some more hugzies for you, even if the last lot I gave you are not yet used up.

mmMekitty