Do not feed the monster

[Emotions26]

I am struggling to understand this website and find my way around

I have replied to some people

I think that two champions replied to my first two posts

I do not know where they are now

I have supported several posts of others

I have replied to one person I think today

I am resonating with several posts in different areas but cannot remember where they are

I am literally lost within this website as well as within myself

I am working very hard at keeping the dreaded "D" at bay which I have battled with too many times.

I have had this since young apparently

I have had large gaps of time where I am mostly symptom free I think

The monster is the dreaded "d"

It is also a relative whom I have had to relinquish her hold over me.

I have only learnt about this stuff recently so struggle talking about it.

So I think of do not feed the monster as in do not think of her. Or do not feel guilty or upset or worry or a thousand other things

Also do not feed the dreaded "d" as it lurks waiting

I will not find this piece again

[therising]

Hi Emotions26

As I read through your posts here, I could not help but think what a beautiful, deeply feeling, thoughtful, kind and caring person you are. Your self expression and responses to others reflects a sensitivity that I wish there was far more of in this world. Those in this thread a so similar in nature, with a history of being so caring and sensitive toward others over time here on the forums. You are such a beautiful collection of people in this thread that ties you together.

I think sensitive people really get each other. Being those who can sense the power of words and intention, the power of inner dialogue, the energy in motion or emotion within them self at times (whether it be high, low, flowing, stuck, angry, confused and more). They can sense the need for guidance and gift it from the heart, just as easily as they can sense the need for a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. They can sense all that may be wrong with this world yet can also sense inspiration when it exists in high enough doses for them to feel as excitement. They can sense pure exhaustion and how depressing that can become, not being able to feel that energetic connection to life. There is just so much sensitive people can sense. I think sometimes that if we were to put a large group of feelers/sensitives in a room together it would be an incredible experience. They would all be in agreement when it comes to how you can feel those who bring you down, how you can feel those who raise your spirits, how you can feel the charge that comes through some invigorating mind altering life changing epiphany or revelation. I imagine they'd all agree that how you feel relates to a unique kind of energy that runs through you. So many different emotions felt in so many different ways. And then I think how unfortunate it is at times, where you can have 1 sensitive person alone in a room packed with insensitive people and how self doubt can manifest within that one person because no one around them is capable of validating what can be so easily felt at such deep levels.

I believe sensitive people can be the easiest of people to get along with, for they all share a knowing.

[Emotions26]

Hello therising,

That was a lovely message that you left on here in relation to all who have contributed to this thread so far.

I also sensed a gentleness in everyone.

I am struggling at the moment as there are several external factors affecting me.

I will write to you another time when I have a clearer mind as I have not corresponded with you before.

Thank you again though.

Emotions26

[james1]

Hello Em,

Thank you for asking about the animals. 

It is a dog, bird and rabbit. They mostly tolerate each other, except the rabbit gets very mad at the dog sometimes. And the dog is very scared of the rabbit. 

I'm lucky that they mostly otherwise ignore each other, otherwise it would be even more chaotic than it is now. At least now I don't have to police them as much as I used to.

And yes, they are all very precious.

The rabbit is very dominant and will 'guard' the top of the stairs and my bedroom, since he sleeps under my bed. So I'm constantly having to save the dog who gets trapped. As soon as I put my hand on the rabbit, the dog feels safe enough to walk past. Otherwise he just cries until someone saves him from the scary bunny.

That is very funny about your cat! I hope you enjoy the little story about my three animals and that they bring you a little bit of peace.

James

[Emotions26]

lovely to hear from you James

I will respond as soon as this dreaded "d" has lifted to a stage where my mind is clearer.

Your animal antics sound delightful.

It was a treat to receive your message and I do thank you.

Em26

[Emotions26]

On the subject of dreaded "d" I am meant to be in the shower getting ready for a special birthday date celebration at the beach.

Love the beach part.

The celebration will be enjoyable with some present. Others trigger me.

I am so over this being affected by this person and that person.

Dragging myself around like a sack of ?

Anyone reading this with this "d" will understand possibly even think why am I bothering to write about it.

Answer

I have learnt the hard way over a very long time to get the feelings to turn into thoughts and the thoughts to turn into words to be written somewhere to get them out of my head.

That is the theory.

This alleviates burying them.

Of course there are many there from past although nowhere near as many now.

So signing out.

Before I go.

I do hope that if someone was feeling this way and read this that there is a tiny glimmer of hope that they might have enough energy to try this concept.

There are no bells or whistles possibly a thought later that oh I did stop thinking about what I was thinking about earlier! Don't try to remember what it was though.

Shower !!

Stay safe all

Emotions26

[mmMekitty]

Oh goodness, EM26 - I meant to have a shower too! Thanks for reminding me.

another good thing about writing here about how you feel is that someone who hasn't had any experience with the dreaded D can read what you say & gain some understanding . It may help them laterr, if they do have a time when they struggle with the dreaded D or know someone who is.

Hmm, it's not quite too late for a shower. At least, it'll help me feel better before going to bed.

Without writing I am not sure I would have found my own words to describe what I was feeling or thinking. I might think I could in the words of some songwriters, but I think I would have felt that to be a bit 'fake' of me, those words not being exactly as I would have said them, if I could have.

Same with singing those songs. They expressed so much of what I wanted to find my own expression for, so now there comes the talking, using my own voice, to someone. Mostly it's my PDr, but no longer exclusively. I still find it scary to speak.

Big hugzies

mmMekitty

P.S. James, I love your pets & how you describe them.

Hugzies to you & your pets - to ALL pets.

[Emotions26]

Hello again James

I do smile when I try to picture in my mind your home with a dog, bird and rabbit. The stairs. The territorial antics that all living creatures seem to possess.

What is the bird doing whilst the rabbit is holding the dog to ransom?

I had a pet rabbit in my early teens outside though. My dad built a special house and enclosure for him. He was very spoilt and very well fed. His house was as clean as ours and I was brought up in a home where nothing was out of place. Nothing could be left out at all. We were not allowed to cook as we would make a mess. Could not even watch as were in the way. I am a questioner and was always in trouble for repeatedly ignoring the stop asking so many questions.

Some dreadful being stole our rabbit and I was distraught. Rabbit always seemed to be furious about something. He probably did not like my questions either laugh.

Does the bird talk and tell the rabbit and dog what to do?

Sounds like they keep you very busy. Rule the roost? Feel for your dog. Can he or she come up on the bed with you? Imagine rabbit then.

My cat is grumpy and sulks. Turns and points his bottom at me with head down. Did I tell you that already?

Nice to hear from you. I know that you are busy replying to many.

Thank you James

Em 26

[Emotions26]

Hello kitty mmmmmmmmmmm

Happy to have helped you into the shower.

I think that most people feeling the dreaded D do not have the energy to search and read through all of the depression posts.

It does help me writing the words down though.

As you said it helps for all of us who are prone to symptoms of a mental illness.

Better out than in to emerge later with a mind of their own.

Songs make me sad mostly which does induce tears which is releasing emotions. A different form of release.

Yes I agree with your point about quoting words from songs and preferring to use your own words.

Helps others though when they cannot think of words.

There is not one solution or strategy alone or even works all of the time.

Ongoing work

I am sorry to read that you still feel scared speaking to your doctor.

Do you talk about that and the impact on you?

I am sure that you do.

Always nice to find your words.

Thank you

I hope that you get something no matter how small back from me.

Hugs back

Em 26

[james1]

Hello Em 26,

I imagine the bird (his name is Lucy Goosey) is just thinking, "what a dummy!" He's quite young and likes to try and sneak a nibble on Alfie's (the dog) fur when he's not lookking.

Oh I'm really sorry to hear someone stole your rabbit. That must've been devastating. He sounds like he was quite a character. I think people often underestimate just how much personality they really have. My rabbit used to jump on my bed or sofa and pee on me to tell me he was hungry. That got old fast, haha! And there was one time when a friend was trying to save him from a spider by throwing a plastic pot at the spider, but she missed and hit the rabbit instead. He was fine, but he was so grumpy he refused to eat until I asked my sister to come over and give him pats.

No, I don't think you mentioned that oddity about your cat. Sounds very sulky, haha. I wish I could have a cat, but I'm quite allergic. My eye just swells up until I can't see anything.

I hope you are doing better this week.

James

[Emotions26]

Hello James 1

Lucy Goosey sounds as interesting as his name. He has a mischievous streak that comes hand in hand with some birds.

Poor Alfie the dog has to contend with the bird and the rabbit.

I have never before heard of a rabbit peeing on someone because they are hungry laugh. I better not say that out loud in case my naughty cat hears.

He is in trouble for trying to eat my salmon at lunchtime.

He steals food if left on the bench top in the kitchen for literally only minutes. He watches and observes.

So the rabbit was attacked by a flying pot which would not have gone down well. The spider scurried away quickly. Rabbit sulks also.

Interesting animals aren't they with their individual characters.

They are wonderful company and at the same time can be very hard work.

Patting my cat is so calming for me.

Unfortunate about your allergy although you certainly would not want to ignore the fact as symptoms as you described can range from serious to severe.

The "d" is fluctuating depending on what is going on around me.

Nice talking.

It is great that you are supporting others James. I hope that you are proud of yourself.

Emotions26