Depression: dog vs black dog

[Sea-n-sky]

Some guy elsewhere in this forum, asked the question "How would we describe depression if it were a physical creature.

What a sensible question to ask.

The guy who asked, must be an intelligent guy, a guy with a future of success.

I can answer that question, but would first like to remind everyone that many famous

and successfull persons have experienced depression. (Burton and Taylor come to mind)

Indeed it seems likely that depression is a precursor to success, even to victory, in most dramatical terms.

The late Winston Churchill himself said he had been afflicted by deep depression for much of his life.

He called it Blackdog.

Therefore I will call it that too, when considering it as the "physical creature". Most human beings can relate to the dog, and will recognise the animal as being of varying temperament according to breed. The wolf is a dog, as is the dingo. Likewise the poodle, the pekinese and the labrador.

On the one hand, we have the wild feral destructive canine, whilst on the other we have the loveable domesticated pet.

Clearly therefore, depression can be represented by the dog.(Blackdog).

It is, all dogs, merged into one.

The loveable domesticated pet today, and a destructive feral  tomorrow.

If you own a dog, you train it. If you do not do that it will not become the loveable domestic pet you may desire. It may become something different entirely. It will likely become a menace, in fact.

The first step in training the animal is to treat it in precisely the same way as you would like it to treat you.

That way, the dog will become your friend - and yes, blackdog can be that too.

In training your dog, you feed it morsels of reward, treats or titbits if you like, when it behaves/responds as you would like it to.

Blackdog is no different.

Returning to Winston Churchill, Did he win World War II ? No of course not, but he was a leader and inspirer amongst allies, perhaps guided by Blackdog, the friend.

Blackdog, is no longer my demon.

I might be again one day, and if it is, I'll just remove the cause, if I can.

My pain is now greatly reduced, because of that. I even jog a bit now, (when walking).

I have to, in order, to keep up with a friendly blackdog, which is running ahead of me. (metaphorically speaking) 

If it can be true in my case, Why not yours ?

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky.

 

[Neil_1]

Hi there CMF

You just bought back a memory of my childhood.  Mum would take me to the local newsagent and buy the brown paper that would cover my books for school;  but they'd also have stickers there so you could create your own creative front cover of your work book;  be it english, maths, science, etc.  Boy that was a long time ago;  so long, I can't remember what the stickers were, but we'd get them and Mum was always so awesome with the covering of books, wrapping of presents, etc - those skills never were passed to me;  she tried, but I epicly failed.  She did teach me how to iron though.  🙂

Great to hear about the bargains you picked up and also that your other 'sanctuary', the coffee shop is now back up and operating.  No doubt a number of nice catch ups to be had there.  Take no dark coloured four legged mutts though!  🙂

That dinner scenario;  I can see both sides of that;   where you were ready for it to be at the time that you thought it'd be and you then came down with a screaming head-ache, so you chose the next best option and to cook at home.  He just assumed, though being late, the dinner would still be on, and when that wasn't the case, he up and left.  I think I can remember that I may have done something like that in a relationship a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far way - almost the same thing.

Things smoothed out later and we spoke about it - and agreed that (a) if I was going to be late, I'd call and (b) if either of us were wishing to change our minds about going out, then we'd also call.

I really do hope that your son is going ok - has he got many more days there till he comes home again?

Kind regards

Neil

[CMF]

Yeah I get the dinner scenario. He did offer to grab some things and cook here. He'd been out all afternoon and I don't think really felt like going out but I couldn't be bothered waiting for him to go buy things and come back and cook and because he was late I felt disappointed and wNted to be alone. We haven't spoken since. Anxiety vs depression...

im  get up and go in the morning, he drags his feet and goes out in the arvo  I like to go out to eat, he likes to cook at home  I'm very punctual, he's always late he's patient I'm not. with big decisions he's about 2 years behind me  when I wanted us to be a family he wasn't ready, now he sees how good it could be I've gotten used to being on my own  and the list goes on..

my son comes home Sunday night  I think he's settled a bit  

anyway I feel like crap - sorry  

[Neil_1]

Hi there CMF

That is good news to hear about your son;  that he’s somewhat settled – phew thank goodness, as that must be a relief to you;  still, you’ll be very keen for Sunday to roll around, no doubt.

I’m not sure of your age CMF, and obviously no need to let know – but I was just wondering if you know of the song, which was back, I think in the mid to late 80’s I think;  by Paula Abdul, called “Opposites Attract”.  A fun, bouncy kind of song – I always enjoyed it and really loved the film clip;  with Paula and some animated kind of wolf or big dog, but a friendly one.  I mention this cause of the things you wrote about this man – where there were just so many opposites for the two of you.   So the song said, Opposites Attract;  but can they live harmoniously together?   That’s the question.

Also, no need to ever apologise on this site.  If you feel like crap, it’s nothing to be sorry or ashamed about – we’re here cause we suffer and suffer pretty much on a daily basis.

And again, I’m not going to press you for anything, but you know full well that you’re absolutely allowed to vent and unload here if you wish.  There’ll be plenty of people here who are only too willing to offer any advice, suggestions that we might be able to come up with.

I do hope that today is a little better for you and post back any time.

Neil

[CMF]

Hi,

Yes I know the song well - lol.  of course non of this bothered me until we had our issues.  if funny how the things we once tolerated really annoy us immensely when the relationship changes.

He and his ex girlfriend - the thorn in my side- had everything in common EVERYTHING but she had some things he didn't like, yet she wasn't for him.

Love in unconditional, when we love someone we accept them as they are, faults and all, we compromise.  when we can no longer do this does it mean we no longer love them? Just thinking out loud.

[CMF]

well i've been depressed all week now.

I have slowly been trying to re do my front and back garden, have a good clean out of cupboards and fix a few things around the house. I figure I I decide to sell one day or have to sell the house will e ready to go and it won't be so stressful.  it was a beautuiful night last night I was in the front garden till 9pm working on the last little section.  my ex husband planted everything, standard roses, English box hedges, trees for privacy its just too much and so much mainteneance.  I removed the last of the boxed hedges and cleaned up the last section of garden.  my front yard look twice as big now. working on he garden has been a good therapy for mei cant believe I enjoy it now.  I love the way it is looking and what I have achieved, I'm proud of it and it gives me comfort to sit and look at it. I have more to do, slowly slowly.  I like it too because its MINE and not the garden my ex created and never maintained.

My garden is bringing me comfort during this period of depression. 

[Neil_1]

Hi CMF

Way to go - that is awesome to read and I understand your satisfaction so well.  I'm in and out of the garden today as well;   pruning things back, then tidying up and sweeping, etc etc - and the feel you get when you have a look at what you've done is damn awesome.

I'm so pleased that you're getting that good inner feeling with what gardening can do for you.  Although when you wrote you were outside till around 9pm;  there's no way I could do that where I live - one word "mozzies".  I would be eaten.

Hey quick digression:   when we went to Canada in July, and being over there and up in the Rockies, the mozzies were out and about.  We mentioned this to a local and they had no idea what we were talking about.  So I said, you know, mosquito's,   "Ohhhhh mosquito's - yeah yeah, we get 'em, but over in these parts we call 'em, Skeeters.

Hey, it's also Sunday, so your boy should be back home today, yeah?

Keep writing here CMF - as much or as little as you like.  We'll be here.  🙂

Neil

[CMF]

I love those kanucks.  we met 3 travelling around Europe, it was funny how we use different words for different things we had quite a laugh comparing slang. my son is home tonight.  it has been a week of calls from him and my daughter complaining and my ex complaining so i';ve hardly had a break.

didn't hear from my little daughters father all week after he left on Monday with the dinner fall out.  obviously he  didn't know I was depressed I was worried his anxiety was high but I cant deal with him when I feel so down.  anyway he called last night to see about going somewhere Monday I don't really want to be around him and i'll have the 3 kids (expensive). we havnt spoken all week, he asks how the little one is but not how I am (I think hes like this with everyone, cant remember if he was like that when his ex used to ring all the time because the poor things was depressed and lonely blah blah blah). anyway told him I didn't know about Monday, I broke and have been depressed all week, he asked why is told him I didn't know and didn't want to be on the phone so we just said bye and hung up.

I know hes not 100% but hes never in tune with how I feel, never has been. says hes nevr noticed when ive had anxiety or depression (alot caused by him) that I hide it, I don't say anything yet he thinks everyone looks at him different cos they can see how sick he is. I told him its not always obvious to other i.e he never notices when I am or was but he knew when the ex was cos she used to ring him and sook to him and god forbid if she found pout about me cos she ws having a hard time already.

you know what that was about 4-5 years ago and it still makes me angry and hurt.  Im happy on my own now, he can stay at home with his mum babying him while I deal with my things on my own.  he has his family around him, so he doesn't need me or my help.  I told him this but he says no I am a great help to him.

well he can stick that!

[CMF]

I needed to buy schools for my kids, my ex husband made a point of me telling him the cost and he would put in half (as he usually does which I appreciate).  as he had a difficult time with our son last wee he sent me some website to look at re teen behaviour and kids being abusive to parents, along with a long, long text.  I was tired sunday night and wanted to spend time with the kids when they returned so I did not respond to his text (he was sending them all weeken and I was responding) and did not lok at the links, planning to do it when I had quiet time and could concentrate.  bought school shoes Monday, advised him of the cost and got a message back thatg I didn't respond to his text except to look for money from him.

I was furious with him, explained I had been running around all day for school things, which he never does, and I would read them when I had time, he said he wasn't having a go at me (rubbish) and just want4d my input.

I still havnt got money for the shoes, sent him my feedback. he is such a manipulator, I hadn't read the info so he wont give the money. tomorrow is school books.  I outlay all the money and he pays me back 1/2 when that outlay is often a struggle for me but he doesn't get it at all.  no wonder my son hates him, hes 13 and he gets the picture.

Its enough to make me want to pack our things and get out of here.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Cmf

Your situation sure sounds stressful for you;   I’m guessing you’ve already tried so many options in attempting to get him to pay his half for the purchases you’re making.  I really wish that I could provide you with some helpful advice for this situation.

I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to supply you with any useful response, but really just wanted to write to you to let you know that I’m here and still reading.

Kind regards

Neil

[CMF]

Thanks Neil,

sometimes all we need is someone to listen 🙂

he did contact me today  and asked how much he owed so that was good  my baby daughters dad came past also  he mentioned he was disappointed he didn't know my other 2 were away last week  I'm sure I mentioned it it was a sort of last minute thing  he was forced to take Time off around Xmas  I think he felt that was a waste as he could have taken it last week and we could have gone away with the little one but when he was forced to take leave at Xmas I didn't know my ex was going to have the kids last week. That's why I say we are never on the same page.  He is really struggling with his anxiety I've told him again to try cbt or group therapy.  He did offer to go the the tennis yesterday and today but I was too depressed yesterday and had other things on today, things just don't work out for us. 

Anywaynot much I can do, hopefully things wI'll settle a little now...until the next thing crops up..