Hey spunkyturtle.
I'm glad you've written in. It sounds like there's quite a bit of hurt and some expectations that you had that haven't been fulfilled.
I'd like you to re-write your last sentence. It begins "I was never good enough...". Let's re-write it to "I was never good enough for him because he had unrealistic expectations for me. I'm glad I wasn't good enough for a lying cheating man because really someone who loves me will have no expectation of how "good" I am.
This guy did you a favour and now it's time to accept the favour and give to yourself.
I'll make some assumptions here;
You love him (you said you are happy for him)
It hurts and you don't know why.
There's an interesting thing that is so natural to us all when we lose something we love or expected or planned. Grief. When we lose someone - it's obvious people say we grieve. The part that isn't obvious is that while we grieve for the love of the person we lost, we might also grieve for the life we had with them, the plans we had, the dreams we had, the lifestyle. So many things can trigger this natural reaction to loss.
Sometimes grief is obvious, but sometimes we get stuck and it's like bing lost and not knowing what to do.
On the website here are some great resources about grief and loss. Under "The facts" is "Grief and loss". I encourage you to have a read and see if any of it rings a bell.
I like to take multiple approaches to a problem. Chatting here, reading the info about something that might be going on, being kind to ourselves, relaxation or meditation and a chat with a GP or counsellor. A good diet and a little exercise help as well. (I hate that one and find it so difficult - carbs are my friend and I've heard nasty things about the gym)
See how you go with the info on grief and let me know your thoughts.
Take good care.
Paul
