Depression and cannabis use

[Anthony83]

Well a little about myself, im 33 years of age, male and live alone. I never really dealt with depression until a few years ago; well i did but nothing on this scale. Most the time before it was a once every now and then occurrence that i could snap out of within the day or so. Issues i have now is there is no one left in my life, but thats just the start of it.

See i used to smoke marijuana for many years and all was good, the only paranoia i developed was from trying to hide it from family (they are all against it and is the reason i stopped). The constant pressure of feeling like if they find out and would be disbanded from the family payed a toll, well it's happened without it anyway...

My depression came on months to a year after quitting my full time marijuana use, i have smoked the odd few times after and it seems to make me feel better yet guilty about what my family thinks so i never continue. I have also been put on and off anti depressants over the past few years (non marijuana use) yet i always get really bad side effects so i work my way back off them. They never seem to help much at all, and make me wonder what they actually put in those medications we're blindly putting in our system.

What i don't understand is Marijuana works for me, however it's obviously frowned apon by the public, my family and employers. Employers and family don't mind if i take anti depressents that cause more issues and horrific side effects, yet if i smoked weed the world is going to end. Which also leads to unemployment, fear of judgement and a sense of unworthiness. Im currently unemployed and struggling like never before with no assistance from anyone, im scared to end up homeless. I have bills and everyone asking for money yet never able to even get a job interview (obviously causing major depression). I have also done counseling last time i was on anti depressants, they all tend to say nothing is wrong with me and it's just lack of a job causing this.

I only know one thing that works yet it leaves me feeling ashamed (not that it really matters anymore) but yeah. Well as i have no one to talk to anymore and running out of options i have decided to sign up. I still feel very doubtful that this will help but i have nothing to lose i guess.. PS i have also thought of moving to a country that have medicinal cannabis programs that also treat depression. I really don't like anti depressants, they are horrible

[Broken_Biscuit_Blues]

Your screen name is lonelydan and you are regular at a site for those with mental health issues, are you really sure this drug has had no adverse effects?

I am not going out of a textbook I used to smoke all day everyday for about fifteen years until my early thirties I even used to smoke at work.it's a terrible drug because it makes you brain dead and you don't even realise it.

[blondguy]

Hey Anthony

I actually think this is great thread and not overly provocative at all.

I learn from what you have to say here. Its a two way street whether its cannabis or AD's that work well.

I have never had an issue with anyone having a smoke or if they take a antidepressant.

No matter what a person chooses to feel better the regular counseling is crucial to have a really good 'vent' or a good 'cry' so we can dump the crap we have been carrying. Neither cannabis or antidepressants can do achieve this on their own.

You have written a quality thread here Anthony

we can learn off each other here 🙂

Paul

[Anthony83]

Biscuit,

Ok mate to go and undermine another solely on their name is bottom of the barrel. You seem to be very up tight about the conversation; one thing i will point out is by using derogatory statements won't win you any praise from both sides of the fence.

Lets break down your conjunction: quote "I am not going out of a textbook I used to smoke all day everyday for
about fifteen years until my early thirties I even used to smoke at work.it's a terrible drug because it makes you brain dead and you don't even realise it." The contradiction issue: How can one advise another when they supposedly did the same thing? 

If you're referring to myself as in "brain dead" for my spelling, grammar and syntax; keep in mind i had learning difficulties during my schooling years. The same time i decided to to play catch up (age20) i began learning computer science as well as brushing up on English. Now as i can read without any issues, i struggle with writing, however it's adequate enough for my hobby.

I know two programming languages i can speak and write fluently and have a good understanding of three others. In a way English is my third language as i write atleast 1000 lines of code a day as opposed to maybe a hundred or so on a good day with English. Programming languages also have completely different syntax nothing alike of English. I will also point out computer science is universal meaning you didn't need to know any conventional languages to write it.

It's well worth noting i began learning when using cannabis, it was the only thing that helped with my concentration issues i lived with my whole life. Thats the reason i started programming, i figured out i wasn't ignorant and could finally use my algebra skills (the only subject i was good at in school). Algebra just makes sense in my mind, no idea why it just does. I will say though since ceasing use of cannabis my programming is not on the same level as before. I find it hard to battle the concentration issues i had during my younger years, thus my development progress is alot slower then when i smoked.

Anyway if you want to object opinions then put some effort in rather then a two sentence statement without any real meat to the bone. Explain some reasons and facts as to why you believe the substance is "terrible". I have with AD's and also think others respect my valid views and reasons

Anthony

[Anthony83]

Hi blondguy,

Thanks for the response, yeah i just feel even the thought of a conversation about the substance nearly makes some have a heart attack in rage induced hate of the substance (so to speak).

Definitely feel the same, if someone want's to use the available AD's and they work for the individual im all for it. Personally i really don't like them, i feel there is alternatives more on the natural side that arn't made in a laboratory and well i know one that works for me. I would't eat something served to me without knowing exactly whats in it, same goes for medication. Also i rarely eat take away and rather cook for myself for that reason; who knows what they put in that burger to preserve it (id rather a homemade burger/sandwich).

I have noted what you said about counselors though, maybe you have some merit to that point. Kind of explains why it feels they're really not listening and there for the money. I would tell them my feelings only to be asked questions that seem irrelevant, then to be told there is nothing wrong with me and just going through a hard time. Guess they're there for someone to talk to that wont judge and offer some pointers. Guess it probably has a placebo effect on some also as talking about how one feels and opening up can leave them feeling better about themselves.

Thanks for your input blondguy some helpful information

Anthony

[Broken_Biscuit_Blues]

Well he calls himself lonely dan which suggests he is lonely and he is a regular contributor to a mental health website which suggests he has mental health issues, so maybe just maybe pot is dragging him down more than he cares to admit.

People who use drugs or drink heavily or gamble a lot lie to themselves all the time.They lie about how much they use how much money they spend on it and of course they kid themselves about the negative impact it is having on their personality and mental and physical health

I know mate I was one of them, so was everybody I knew my poor long suffering parents excepted.These vices change you or more accurately you change to accomadate them

Pot makes you braindead because it robs you of the ability to concentrate on things you are not interested in.But all lines of cerebral work all courses of study have tedious boring aspects to them and the pot smoker can't handle them, their brain can't hack the nitty gritty.

Regular Pot smokers end up in manual work or no work at all with the occasional exception.I could spend all night giving you examples of people I went to school with who got into pot bummed out at uni and ended up shovelling s##t for a living until their backs gave in or ended up on the dsp for one mental illness or another but you won't believe me so there is no point.Yes pot can mask depression for some people,so can booze so can heroin but at what cost

[Lonelydan]

Hi biscuit, no mate is my answer to your question there hasn't been any repercussions from my smoking and it's not my reason for being on beyond blue. I'm on this site because I am a survivor of child rape and physical and sexual abuse from parents. Your smoking was at a different level to mine I only smoked late at night an hour or so before bed. If I smoked at your level I wouldn't function and you're right on that. I wish you well with your journey.

[Lonelydan]

Hi supersonic, I understand you don't agree with the thread but please Understand. when you read a topic about someone who is a former addict regardless of what drugs they took it. Your words could cause someone to relapse and what if it was a serious addiction like heroin or ice.

[Anthony83]

Hi Sonic,

If you took the time to read everything within the thread you would have realized what i am talking about. With that said i am not going to explain it again i have, a number of times. Your reply is not constructive to the subject whatsoever; you're merely blowing off steam..fair enough.

Here is some food for thought; everyone has issues some personal they don't like to speak about openly some not so much. You seem very sour and looking to make another feel your pain, whatever that maybe. A little something to think about, im kind of battle hardened to this sort of behavior. Something about myself i have kept disclosed and looking back on my posts you will notice; the only time i talk about my life as a child, is about concentration issues.

Now i don't feel comfortable talking about this, but i feel you may benefit and respect others you know nothing about. From the age of 5-12 i had lets say the "evil step mother". The person that i refer to shriek in a frock as there wasn't a nice bone in her body. Every single day and im talking without fail every single bloody day she made sure to beat me from pillar to post. She had a vengeance because of my mother was someone she knew/hated before getting with my father. Everyday of my childhood was a living nightmare in that household, it wasn't just a beating either. In every form possible verbally, emotionally and outright tormenting you name it she made sure to put me through hell. 

My point is just because some people don't blurt out their whole life doesn't mean they haven't been dragged through hell and back. I cope fine with it these days, she is still in my fathers life, i just excepted that she makes him happy and isn't going anywhere (she still hates my guts though, but i smile and be polite). One thing i have always told myself is i will never be that person, i will always respect others. Why? might you ask because that makes me a better person and nobody deserves to experience what i did. Well there you go, i usually block that part of my life out, i hate talking about it also although i deal with it fine. However sometimes there is certain things said that will trigger the memory.

Just some food for thought, you can except and move on without needing to push that pain onto others. Please try to respect others because you never know what they have gone through.

Anthony

[blondguy]

Thanks Lonelydan for your post

Supersonic.....the forums dont need your input here. You are way out of line.

Hey everyone. If you can, please do not respond to SuperSonic.

Anthony...Im sorry about the insensitive post from SuperSonic. You have written a good thread here.

My Best

Paul

[geoff]

Supersonic, your reply is as Paul has said 'You are way out of line'.

I don't believe what you said has any benefit to anyone, please stop making comments like these. Geoff.