Depression and cannabis use

[Anthony83]

Well a little about myself, im 33 years of age, male and live alone. I never really dealt with depression until a few years ago; well i did but nothing on this scale. Most the time before it was a once every now and then occurrence that i could snap out of within the day or so. Issues i have now is there is no one left in my life, but thats just the start of it.

See i used to smoke marijuana for many years and all was good, the only paranoia i developed was from trying to hide it from family (they are all against it and is the reason i stopped). The constant pressure of feeling like if they find out and would be disbanded from the family payed a toll, well it's happened without it anyway...

My depression came on months to a year after quitting my full time marijuana use, i have smoked the odd few times after and it seems to make me feel better yet guilty about what my family thinks so i never continue. I have also been put on and off anti depressants over the past few years (non marijuana use) yet i always get really bad side effects so i work my way back off them. They never seem to help much at all, and make me wonder what they actually put in those medications we're blindly putting in our system.

What i don't understand is Marijuana works for me, however it's obviously frowned apon by the public, my family and employers. Employers and family don't mind if i take anti depressents that cause more issues and horrific side effects, yet if i smoked weed the world is going to end. Which also leads to unemployment, fear of judgement and a sense of unworthiness. Im currently unemployed and struggling like never before with no assistance from anyone, im scared to end up homeless. I have bills and everyone asking for money yet never able to even get a job interview (obviously causing major depression). I have also done counseling last time i was on anti depressants, they all tend to say nothing is wrong with me and it's just lack of a job causing this.

I only know one thing that works yet it leaves me feeling ashamed (not that it really matters anymore) but yeah. Well as i have no one to talk to anymore and running out of options i have decided to sign up. I still feel very doubtful that this will help but i have nothing to lose i guess.. PS i have also thought of moving to a country that have medicinal cannabis programs that also treat depression. I really don't like anti depressants, they are horrible

[gld]

Hi Anthony83,

Having a post like this needs to have others discussions on their knowledge and experiences. I feel it is a bonus to have Dr Kim's post as it gives us a input of a health professional and links to do further research into these subjects.

As you have mentioned you have given up smoking and are currently bettering your own well being. I feel it is vital that you continue to become healthy in your own mind and body to create the best journey for yourself.

Keep looking after yourself and i hold onto hope you are able to find employment in the near future.

Thanks for starting me to looking into these subjects.

Gen

[Anthony83]

First of all thanks Dan, Paul and Geoff for keeping the thread on a constructive course.

Biscuit and gld thanks for your posts providing information from a different perspective, it is much appreciated and noted down. I think it's it great to hear from those who oppose and their thoughts on why; the more information and experiences the merrier.

Ok so after reading back on my posts i have focused on one side of the reason why i actually made the thread to begin with. The original name of the topic was changed by moderation and im fine with that, however i will state the original name was "feeling depressed and don't have anyone to talk to". Therefor i will address the issue i have been having with depression. Here is my weekly report in regards to depression:

Week 1

When i fist joined i was living in a dark place, so dark there was never a positive moment for months on end. Although i have online friends within forums for my hobby we never talked about personal issues. It was apparent yesterday (5 days later) i have actually become somewhat happier. I do realize this could be the up cycle of the roller-coaster and need to be prepared from the downward journey. I no longer take my AD's after weaning my way off them the past few weeks.

On Friday i was offered another job, yay i couldn't be more happier about that side of things. Now im not exactly sure as to why i have finally been able to steer in the right direction. Was it having a place to unload my feelings, rather then let the down thoughts run continuously though my mind? Was it the job offer? And no i haven't started using cannabis either. I have no idea exactly what has pulled me somewhat out of the dark hole, all i know is the depression has somewhat had a rest.

My concentration issues still remain, im starting to think it could be a form of OCD (i never considered this). My mind races everyday, i lay in bed and even when tired the mind is going full steam. It can be about anything, and when it does there is no break. The concentration issue is i will think about 15 things at once in a continues loop So even watching a movie im not actually paying attention to the movie but rather thinking continuously. I try to battle this when realizing and snap out of it to regain focus, but that's short lived and back to thinking. One step at a time i guess.

Anyway that's my week 1 update and think maybe continuing to log an update every week as a progress report.

Anthony

[gld]

Hi Anthony83,

Yah congrats on job, nice to kick start a more positive direction for you.

I feel so much happier when i have a good support network. Have also found great joy in going out somewhere different each weekend.

Was great to hear you are in a better space. Please keep posting and look after yourself.

Gen

[blondguy]

Hi Anthony

what a great post and good to hear that you have had some peace too 🙂

Overthinking is really common Anthony. I used to do the same in my 20's. Its usually a tired mind thats revving a bit too hard.

Great news on your week Anthony

Great Stuff

Paul

[geoff]

hi Anthony, my ears always rise when someone talks about OCD bcause my mind was always going full steam, it may also happen to anybody suffering from depression, but I understand what you are saying, because I would be thinking about 15 things at once and couldn't settle down to just one thought, so if I was asked by my psychologist what was I thinking about it would go back to the spider's web I drew, with all the problems, concerns or whatever, that was causing all of my depression.
Whether or not you do have OCD just google it and see if anything relates back to how you have been or still feeling, this should give you an indication, and I would really love to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Tefler]

Hi Anthony,

I doubt your still reading these replies, but in the slight hope you do I am writing this.

I do not have to write much , the more I do the more chance you will what I have to say will be moderated.

I could not read much of the other replies, as most did not hit the mark and just annoyed me.

All I can say mate if you get this reply, and i doubt you will, I feel the what you feel. I would be suprised if you have found help yet and no one has understood in the past, and all the will do in the future, and the stigma mate, I can relate.

Instead, it is quite acceptable for these white collar drug dealers, to hold themselves in high regard, and are more then happy to say you have the problem, and keep on writng there persciptions, with havie noingreal understnd why you feel down on yourself, when in fact , I dont believe there was anything wrong with.

it s society that has the problem in general, which a person with no letters behind hisi name is saying.

Money and greed being the major causes, and of course I'm sure you have been told" what makes you so special",

I am not going to say much more unless I hear from you, as I am afriad this will only be looked as negative and not seen to be helping you

I only found you post by pure fluke, maybe a miracle, because I certainly would not register on type of site after the service I was provided from their online chat, thinking they could maybe help, however only maybe feel more isolated. ( This was reccently)

Anthony let me know if thngs have changed, because that family issue is a problem, I doubt will ever leave you,

Maybe if the professionals with the letters behind there name could come up withn a different name for recreational drugs, society may look at things different. But I doubt thre have the insight, and Iam quite sure there happy there content with the way things are.

For your sake I jst hope whatever happens, you have found happiness. I will not ask how you did it, because I know it was just a miracle.

[Tefler]

Anthony, I just re -read your post.

I was introduced to pot, at 21 by a friend , I was told this would help me to get over something I couldnot get over, what it was , does not matter, but I could not stop thinking about. This was the only thing that let me think without the pain. Sorry as it may seem.

Yes my family never understood why I used it..... but you say you were on it, and became depressed after????

Why did you need it in the first place....

I hindsight it was nto the answer, and I have not used it for many years,for many reasons. But I dont think anti-depresants were the answer then either.

I did seek professional help, but I didt some one to understand maybe it was possible that they to coudl feel thaat way, if they were in my psoition, before giving me advice...

Still do not think any drug that effetcs the mind , should be labelled recreational.

As for your family.. well I can not judge.

[MrCrankyPants]

Hi Broken Biscuit Blues,

I'm not sure about the black/white dichotomy of your previous thread. I've known quite a few people over the years who seem to have high functioning, successful (by material terms anyway) lives and regularly smoke pot. I say "seem" because I haven't been privy to the inner workings of their private lives and relationships.

My experience with weed has been very mixed, I certainly enjoy the initial feeling, but have had some serious repercussions of over-use. After enjoying a long weekend of smoking hydro with friends a few years back, I came down with a crash and had some serious anxiety and worsened depression. Quit my job by phone, in fact. Not my proudest moment.

I'm currently thinking of obtaining a very small quantity (non-hydro) to see if I can use it as a mood enhancer with my partner (who was with me on the long weekend mentioned above and we had a fabulous time) very occasionally without any down-side.

Anthony, if you see this after almost a year, I hope you've found some peace and that your situation has improved.

All the best.

[pawan]

Hi Anthony

I smoked on and off for about 10 years. It definitely gives you a high a feeling of relaxation and not a lethargic reaction like alcohol does, so you can function and do your work at the same time.

I left this habit about 5 years back as my doctor told me that I would become paranoid and get psychosis.

There came a time about a few years back when I absolutely needed to smoke. I smoked it for a 2 month period. It did give me what I needed. I knew I could control it. It kept things together. I left it after 2-3 months.

The point I am trying to make is I did needed it at that time and it did help. It has been 3-4 years and I do not smoke or drink now. The feeling that alcohol or pot gives you, the brain remembers and wants to get that feeling back. I am not saying that I am 100%. I still feel depressed. I am still looking for a job. Still trying to manage my family problems.

Pot helped me, but I now realize that I should have left my job a long time ago, as that was what was causing the stress and pot was just the neutralizer.

Maybe you have a similar stressor in your life, or maybe you just want to smoke it, it is not my place to judge nor do I know, but you do...

As you say, you had a great life when you were smoking. I am not saying that you start smoking and once things pick up leave it, but the way smoking effects our brain is so different from one another. For me I needed it, and used it. It did for me what other things could not have done. It might be the same or different for you.

The part of moving to another country which has a medicinal program. Well, I frequently visit a country where pot is readily available and I can tell you once you get it, the other things like living conditions, income come into it.

As for anti-depressants, yes, it is a struggle to find the right one, but the effects are long lasting and something your family and your health will support. From your post I gather family support is very important to you. I know it is difficult to see this and I wasn’t convinced of this initially but it is a safest way to tread.

Of course in the end you are the best judge and you sound like a very intelligent person. In this path of tablets and smoking we have to make best decision we think that will work for us, as there are so many other factors that we ourselves only know of.

I would encourage you to see a psychologist and frankly tell him you are thinking of using pot, and get his take on it.

Hope this helps.

Pawan

[Pmac]

Hi Anthony83,

we are in a very similar situation. I too was a very heavy user of marrijuna, daily use in fact and sometimes all day long. I too am now unemployed due to slowing down my usage. I was a high flying (pun intended) corporate executive with more than I could ever ask for. Well respected in my field and paid top dollar for my services. The moment I stopped using like I was I fell into a deep depression, which I wasn't aware of at the time which resulted in me quitting my position and now been unemployed for a year. Now the depression is 100x worse  every moment of the day for 1 year as I had to stop smoking all together. I have tried counciling, meds, everything you can think of but nothing helps. I lost it all because of cutting down my usage. My career, my house, my car and all my fiends. I am now living with my earlderly parents with no hope for a future.

Marrijuna is like opening Pandora's box, it can take some to a high level of cognitive function and clear out the noise in your head so you can become extremely focused. Well that's what it did for me. I suspect I had an underlining anxiety issue, so the green helped rather than hindered me in my day to day function.

now I must face a life without the green and that was something I never thought I would have to deal with. I really wish I never started smoking it and urge anyone else not too. It can truly become you best friend and when it does, you're in for a world of pain as it will supersede all other things in life and that is not a good thing.

i would suggest you cut down slowly off it until you can live and function without. The desire for it is completely psychological, not physical. And that is what you need to address.

there is no hope for me to recover rom the mess that I have made, but I do hope you can find away to get back on track.

good luck with it all.