Cranky Mumma Bear

[January_Fairy]

Hi this is my first post.

Diagnosed 2010 bipolar II and been on meds from 2010-2016, came of meds slowly over six months and last meds was 8th January 2016. I completed DBT program as out patient over a one elyear period which finished March this year. I've been doing well but have noticed the past three months depression and anxiety creeping in. I've been practicing my DBT skills with full commitment and it helps with mild anxiety and functioning but find it does very little if anything to help pull me out of the depression and high anxiety levels. I've been pushing through with high hopes that I wouldn't need to consider meds again but reality may be that I may need meds again.

I see a therapist regularly and tried natural herbal remedies but admitting I might need more is a hard pill to swallow. I have two children so this affects them too. I am very lucky to have an amazingly supportive hubby.

I feel that no matter how committed I am to practicing DBT skills and mindfulness etc ....... I feel that there is a level of depression and high anxiety that is beyond my control .

I get so confused because my hubby and two friends are the only ones who understand the medical side and mei cations for depression and anxiety and bi polar, most people I know think I should be able to fix it myself and that meds are unhealthy and not necessary and all psychological.

i am finding so much stigma from family and friends and even in my own mind and still find it hard to accept.

I am also wondering how much do people think where you live (environmentally) has a lot to do with it?

Would love to hear ways that people have been able to accept their diagnosis and need to take meds long term?

I need this for me and I my girls need me well too. I describe my mum as a raging alcoholic without the alcohol when I was a child and I don't want that for my kids . I'm not a rager but one cranky irritable bear right now 😞

[White_Rose]

Dear January Fairy

Hello and a warm welcome to Beyond Blue. I am not going to comment on your bipolar as I have little knowledge of this. Other people on this forum will be along soon to talk about this.

I have found that those who have not experienced any form of mental ill health are those who are most judgemental. At the risk of stating the obvious, it is very easy to see someone has a broken leg, a fever, spots, or other injuries. Other illnesses that are not visible such as cancer, liver and kidney disease also tend to have some visible sign, and in any case they have been legitimized by custom over a long period of time. Mental illness has been written off under one umbrella of crazy.

In the past those unfortunate enough to have serious mental health problems often carried out strange and scary actions because there were no suitable medications to help them. This is not true now. There are meds that can help people to live a normal life. It is true that sometimes they have uncomfortable side effects but not always or even frequently, and many of those effects wear off after a while. It is not a sign of weakness to take meds. Ask your frail friends if they take antibiotics. Same principle.

Mental illness is as real as any other illness. Community attitudes are changing, but very slowly. It is still a subject that makes people afraid, largely I believe because they really know they may also succumb to this. It's not catching like the 'flu but can be a product of a poor lifestyle.

Lecture over. I have reluctantly accepted I will always have depression to some extent. I'm not happy about it. But then I was not happy when diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 and again in 2015. None of my friends and family could see this illness, just as they could not see my depression, but cancer was easier to believe. I used to believe meds were bad, mainly because the antidepressant meds I took had very uncomfortable side effects.

My doctor used to sigh whenever she prescribed a new medication, for anything, because the odds were I would have trouble with it. Until the magic day I was prescribed an AD that suited me. No side effects and IT WORKED.

I cannot tell you what to do, only tell you my story. I am so much better now on antidepressant meds than I have been for a long time. I was also cranky, well actually I was horrible at times. But I feel in control of myself now. Of course I still get annoyed but then so does everyone else. Write in again.

Mary

[A2D2]

Like Mary, I can't speak directly to bi-polar but I was diagnosed with depression over 30 years ago. It certainly wasn't OK to talk about it back then and medication still had overtones of addiction and inability to function. Consequently, my family and friends were appalled that I would take them. They constantly tell me not to.

Unfortunately, this attitude to medication is still prevalent and it makes it difficult to continue on it, even if only on an unconscious level.

If you had an iron deficiency, would anyone question iron supplements? Of course not.

Our behaviour affects our kids. If someone at school was being hot and cold towards your kids and causing them emotional confusion, I'm certain those around you would support you in addressing the situation.

So why is there such negativity about medication and counselling? ... Fear. They fear what they don't understand. They fear you might want help and they don't know how to provide it. So they keep us at arm's length and get defensive.

I see my medication as a positive in my life. I chose it over my husband if it comes to it. It keeps me functioning at a much higher level than I do otherwise and it means I can have a healthy relationship with my kids. When my Mum tells me I should get off it I read her the riot act!

It sounds like you are having trouble dealing with taking medication for your own benefit because of societal expectations. Perhaps think of it from your kids' perspective instead- no doubt they are the most precious things in your life.

How are you relating to them? Is it healthy or are they learning unhealthy emotional patterns from you that they will take to adulthood?

If you need external support, including medication, then I think you go for it. Talk to your doctor and see what they think. You are not responsible for your DNA any more than someone who has cancer. But you can still do whatever you need to make it work better and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

Hope that sounded like a pep tàlk, not a lecture. LOL. Stepping off my soapbox now.

[Kazzl]

Hi January Fairy, welcome to the forum. I have bipolar 2 and understand how exhausting and debilitating this is for you. My diagnosis is fairly recent and my treatment so far is just lithium and an AD. So I haven't tried dialectical behavioural therapy, but I know how hard it is to be constantly monitoring and adjusting your behaviour, rethinking your thoughts before you express them etc.

Accepting the diagnosis is very difficult, and I'm not entirely there yet but I'm working on it. My take on it is that at least I now know why I am like I am and, while I do have to manage myself, limit some things, rest when I need to etc, then, well, that's who I am. Like you I am fortunate to have a very understanding partner.

As for people who think it's 'all in our minds' and we should be able to fix it ourselves, my response would be no, it's all in our brains! It is very much a medical condition - a genetic condition of the brain in which the brain chemistry is abnormal. (I hate that word, but it's true.) It manifests psychologically, in the way that conditions like epilepsy, congenital heart defects etc manifest physically. It is permanent, sometimes disabling, but it's manageable. That's what I tell people. I expect no stigma or discrimination from others and if I get it, well, stuff 'em - their problem not mine.

I was treated for depression for 15 years before the bipolar diagnosis, so fortunately I accepted that I'd be on drugs for the rest of my life a long time ago.

May I ask what led you to going off medication? I know some other bipolar folks who are unmedicated and it seems like very hard work. I don't have a view one way or the other, it's an individual decision, but for me drugs are essential because I work full time and need to be able to function as best I can each day.

I don't know if any of this helps you hun, but if nothing else I hope you don't feel ashamed or embarrassed about the condition. Like I said, it's no different in many ways to having a chronic illness that manifests physically.

Hope to hear back from you January - oh, and there's some other threads on this board you might like to look at. I have one called This bipolar life, and there's a couple of others too. So, there's a few of us bipolar bears around. I look forward to talking with you again hun.

Kaz

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Fickle it be this bipolar business.

I was diagnosed bipolar 1 in 2003 incorrectly. Bipolar 2 in 2009 with depression and dysthymia. I've also had anxiety from 1987 to 2012 and like you it has returned recently.my major hurdle was acceptance that my condition is lifelong and serious enough to realise medication is vital. I went off medication once, never again, my family suffered the consequences.

The waves of emotion are so up and down with bp2 that meds do quell them but won't eliminate them. Moods are bad and my mood stabilisers work well. Too little a dose has little effect, too large a dose numbs me and that has a reverse effect...makes me snappy!!! But the right amount is good.

I also take small level of ADs.

I'm afraid other treatment is up to you but I'm no fan.

Interesting your description of you mums behaviour. Mine was no different. I don't know if its relevant but google - waif queen witch hermit. I believe my mother has that disorder and there could be a connection with some people ending up with bipolar because of it.

I wish you well. The replies you gave had from others display the wonder if this site. We are here for your questions and to support.

Tony WK