Confused

[songofthesanguine]

I actually don't know if I'm depressed or if this is just a really long case of feeling down.  For the past 2-3 months, I've had erratic mood swings. I sleep a lot and yet I still feel tired after. It's actually more of feeling fatigued than just plain tired.  I get cheered up easily, but then once that "high" is gone I'm back to feeling just "blah" about things. I've been more irritable and less patient lately as well.  Sometimes, I get really frustrated and I just want to scream.  Well, I do scream.  Inside.  I sometimes think of turning back to self harming to cope.  Lately, my boyfriend and I had an argument and it ended up him hurting me physically. Again.  I love him, but I don't think I deserve to be hurt like that.  He says he doesn't mean it and he just loses control and that I pushed him into doing it.  I do believe he doesn't mean to do it, but I don't know.  I've just been disinterested in a lot of things lately.  All I've been wanting to do is stay at home and in bed.  But when I' m at home alone, I find myself restless.  Sorry for the very confusing and disorganized rambling.


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[white knight]

Hi song,   welcome here to BB forums

Under no circumstances can there be any justification for assault. Zero. Zilch. No reason.  People that do assault others always use the same excuse- that YOU pushed him to do it. Rubbish. What they are doing, as in your case, is passing on the blame to you. That is wrong and it is little wonder you self esteem has plummeted.

It could be associated with your mood swings. That's one for the professionals. But there are a few suggestions here.  Sleep studies can expose a poor sleep pattern. See your GP. Get a referral. I was found to ahve mild sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine to sleep. It has made a remarkable change and will lengthen your life span.

You might also be suffering some sort of depressive illness.  Again see you GP and attend any referral. With proper diagnosis and medication you could manage it and stability will return as it has in my case taking mood stabilisers.

You have grown to love your boyfriend. We can love another human being even though they over step the line of respect. Consider your future with your boyfriend carefully.

[songofthesanguine]

Thank you white knight! Your post is very informative.  I wil try to see a doctor this weekend. I've been shaking all morning today and I don't think this is something I can ignore anymore. Thank you again!