Cherophobia

[Weaponsofmassdisstortion]

Cherophobia; meaning an aversion to happiness

In the past I would always curse my luck. I would always think to myself; If only things were easier for me, I would've gotten so much further in life by now. 

Well, here I am. I have finally gotten my wish. The problem is I seem to have a fear of taking any risks. Especially if it involves improving my situation. I keep thinking that some great diety in the sky is scrutinising me and if things start to get too good for me, than said diety will visit upon something so bad, that the thought of me ever being happy again, will never cross my mind. Yes, I know; This is not logical. This way of thinking doesn't seem to make sense. And I would agree with you. However, I can't seem to think any other way. 

This seems to be the first time in my life that I have lived without any chaos.  But now, I think I don't deserve it. It's as if my only purpose in this world seems to be to soak up all the suffering and pain of everyone around me. Like the laws of physics say, nothing good is ever supposed to happen to me. And once again, I would agree that this doesn't make sense. But I have though this way for as long as I can remember. 

“She said, 'I'm so afraid.' And I said, 'why?,' and she said, 'Because I'm so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.' I asked her why and she said, 'They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you.”

The kite runner. 

[therising]

Hi Weaponsofmassdissortion

I think one of the hardest things to achieve in life can be a change of perception, until someone comes along and leads us to a perception that feels 100% relatable. A completely relatable mind altering perception can come as a massive relief at times. I feel for you so much as you long for such a change.

As a 54yo gal who's managed the ins and outs of depression since my late teens, it was only a handful of years back when a mind altering and life changing perception visited me in relation to depression. Took a while but better late than never, hey. I figure, if it's our calling in life to evolve to higher and higher states of consciousness, the only way we're going to graduate through such levels is through challenge. In 'the school of life', it's like those powers that be are saying 'Okay, it's exam time. Let's see what you've learned and how well you've learned it. I'm going to test you. Are you ready to go up a level? If not, you have more to learn (on the subject/s you're facing)'. I smile when I say school holidays would be nice on occasion, like a year off from all the lessons and exams.

Say the first lesson in risk taking involves walking. Around the age of 1 and a bit, we're pretty thoughtless. We don't give any thought to learning to walk, we just do it. There's no mindset that says to us 'You can't do that. You're going to fail. Don't even try'. We simply take risk after risk, with a number of falls, until we eventually master walking. Then we take the next risk in life and the next and on it goes until we start to learn about consequences. The next level of graduation involving risk taking may be about learning to weight up the pros and cons of particular risks. Perhaps some of the lessons are about developing abilities in being fearless, so that we go on to become fearless adults who are fully capable of weighing up pros and cons. Some of the lessons may also be about facing fears and learning to feel our way through how we feel them. So, there could be lessons in better understanding and mastering feelings. There will always be lessons and tests when it comes to graduating. Could even be lessons in emotional detachment. Kind of like 'Now, if I can completely emotionally detach from the risk (so as to take it) and then emotionally switch back on after I've taken the risk, I can then reap and feel all the rewards of having taken it.

Added challenges definitely come with being a sensitive or highly sensitive person. For such a person, they are able to sense or feel everything very easily. 'I know this is a stressful challenge because I can sense stress. I know this is a depressing or potentially depressing challenge because I can sense it. I know this is a challenge that involves elements of rage, intolerance and frustration because I can sense rage, intolerance and frustration within me and I trust what I sense or what I feel. I know this is a challenge that involves me addressing my beliefs, thoughts, feelings and perspective which involve a lot of my fears because I can sense my fears coming to light'. On the flip side of the sensitivity coin, 'I know this is a purely joyful experience because this feels like the feeling of pure joy'.