Challenges of a life with depression and anxiety.

[bozza]

Hi,

This is my first post, i have suffered with mental health issues for many years and wanted to put some of it into words, and share it with you..

Sometimes I wonder, if as a female, it is within our nature
to have poor self esteem and body image, if we are genetically blessed, or
should I say cursed, with an over powering mind. A mind that allows us to do
some amazing and beautiful things, but at the same time causes us to spiral
around in circles. Over thinking, under thinking, over analysing, always
presuming that we know what is going on in other people’s minds. What if this
happens, then this happens, then they say this then they think that?

Is this the way I was born? Is this the way I was brought
up, are these ideas that I have taken from people around me, from friends? Or
have I slowly been brain washed, by the power of technology, by television, by
social media, by newspapers and magazines.

Has each and every day of my life slowly been grooming me to
think this way, to act this way.

Does everyone think this way? Does everyone have these same
crazy thoughts that run through their head, and are some people able to just
let them wash by like a stream of water, whilst others get stuck in the rip
only to be pulled down deeper until someone or something can drag them out.

This is sometimes what it feels like, that no matter what
you do, no matter how hard you try, you always seem to come back to that same
beach. To wade out into the same patch of water, beyond the red and yellow
flags. You always seem to get stuck in that same Rip. Each time to be dragged
out by that same familiar face and firm hand grip. Now you are safe again, your
thoughts seem calm and rational again, yet somehow when you are in the depths
of that ocean, you cannot seem to find your own way back to land.

It’s a tricky thing to manage and deal with mental health.
Sometimes you can feel as though you have the world at your fingertips, like
you have everything under control. And yet sometimes, this sense of control can
be gone within an instant, and you are left feeling small and powerless, with
barely even a warning.

I guess what I have learnt is that although this
still happens, it becomes less frequent and each episode a little less
daunting. I guess knowing that you have experienced it all before, and most
likely to an even worse degree, it gives you the power to pull through the
other side quicker and more resiliently.

Thank you for reading this xo

[blondguy]

Hello Bozza

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

Having mental illness is a dark cave to be in, especially when we cant find the exit. I understand where you are coming from as I have had acute anxiety and then depression.....all up about 33 years.

I know I have a lot more of my mums female genetic make up than my dads but to answer you first question I feel that we have a genetic disposition for mental illness. Just opinion of course but our upbringing can also 'trigger' any underlying issues into the symptoms we experience today

You also brought up an excellent point about the media whether social or print, life seems to be very very fast where 'keeping up' is concerned. Life used to be simple. I remember 10 years ago dumping my Facebook account as there is so much more than can be achieved than tracking how many 'friends' I used to have

I do know that anxiety symptoms do decrease in severity over time with 'calm & true acceptance' (the art of finding anxiety boring) a really good GP and even small dosages of the appropriate meds to provide us with a platform on which we can help ourselves heal more effectively 🙂

I used to overthink everything until it dawned on me that it was an exercise in futility. Having practiced the art of being 'simple' has been of great benefit.

There are many super kind people on the forums that can be here for you Bozza. I joined in January this year after a dark phase and have great support from so many people here.

I hope you can stick around, you would be an asset to the forums

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[refugelagoon]

It is amazing how you can transfer such agony and suffering into beautiful words. Your fighting nature is evident in your amazing writing, and I truly believe that with your resilient attitude, the worst is over for you. from someone suffering from anxiety and depression too, I hope I can adopt such a courageous approach one day.

good luck in your recovery x