Blue

[Blue0023]

I have a loving husband (I’m gay) great home and 2 awesome dogs which I love to death, but the last 6 months I have never felt so alone and isolated. He works late everyday and is always tired on weekends when I want to do things. My best friend of 6 years no longer talks to me as his boyfriend is threatened by me and only talks if I start the conversation, like all my friends I guess. When did life get so complicated that we have to be the one who always calls or tries to organise catch-ups and events?

Lately even the phone calls are left unanswered or brief that there is no one on one anymore. I have lost both my parents, my dad recently and nothing has been able to fill the void that has left. I feel the harder I try the thicker the trees get to the path out. 

[quirkywords]

Blue0023

Thanks fir your honesty. I think many reading your post will relate to your feelings.

I certainly have felt like you at times. It can be lonely even in a loving relationship.

It is hard when you feel so isolated and you feel no one understands you. Have you spoken to your husband about you feel.

it is hard when you lose a parent. I wrote about how I felt. 

[Blue0023]

Thank you Quirkywords

I find it hard to talk to him as he is married to his job and I don’t want to be that person that nags him all the time as he does so much for me. I have always said I would rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel alone, and that’s how I’m feeling now. On days like today I feel so alone as he still has his mother and understands how hard it is but doesn’t know how to comfort me. 

[Cluelassy]

I'm sorry to read this Blue0023. I understand. I too have a loving husband but I too feel so alone in my marriage. I understand the friend situation and having no one to talk to. I have no advice but just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I'm sorry. 

[Blue0023]

Thank you Cluelassy for your support and I’m sorry to read you are in the same situation. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here

Take care

[HelloGail]

Hi Blue0023

I understand you would be feeling isolated even though you are not physically alone, you have your husband and the friend who can't share things with you anymore cause his partner is threatened by your friendship. In regards to your husband, being so tired in his working life, have you tried talking to him about making time for the two of you? Are you able to cook a special breakfast or dinner for him? Food is another way to a person's heart. Maybe you already do this; your husband may need a medical check up as he may be run down, if he is not eating healthy foods. It is good you have reached out. Sometimes it's best to just go with the flow, find something to occupy your mind with, a hobby, join a social group of some kind, art? Give your husband time, do not pressure him and he may suddenly bounce back to his old self for he may be going through matters to do with his job(?). Keep strong.

[Blue0023]

Thanks HelloGail for your advice. I cook dinner every night and always eat alone as he works till late every night. Weekends I cook breakfast in bed and that’s where he normally stays until I make him get up to at least get out of his pj’s. He has spoken to doctors and you are right he is run down but I don’t want to be the one who nags, I have seen what it has done to my brother as that’s all his wife does and I’m to nice to be that person. I will just take it one day at a time and see where it ends up. 

[Emotions26]

Hello Blue0023

So sorry to hear of your recent loss.

I lost my mum late last year and I was in disbelief for months.

I am only starting to acknowledge the finality just recently.

My husband has been supportive but also withdraws at times. I know that he needs his own space.

One son in his own home has withdrawn from me since funeral. Has his work. 

I have noticed others uncomfortable.

Western society struggles more with loss of life by not talking about it.

I am wondering if your husband does not know how to talk about this loss with you.

He is possibly also feeling some sadness too

.

He might even be depressed if not used to expressing his feelings.

This might explain his being tired and not wanting to get up.

I feel drained.

At a time when we need our loved ones and friends the most many cannot face the emotions.

Do you think this might be part of the issue?

Keep on talking on here about what you feel comfortable with. No pressure.

People are listening to you here and not withdrawing from you.

I think that my grief and now lingering depression are intertwining.

[HelloGail]

Hi Blue0023

Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you are very loving and patient by not nagging. I am sure he appreciates it. When someone is run down, the last thing they need is pressure. My advice would be to keep yourself busy, reading, study (something); I was keeping my mind busy by researching family history, my mum was adopted, we found out her father's true name, he was a married man, left a trail of broken hearts and can't find a single photo of him except a descriition in a 1926 and 1929 newspaper, wanted for child desertion.

This is an example of what has helped me but I did burn out a bit when some pressures built up. 
This forum is good support, it is helpful and you can help other people as well. It works both ways.

cheers for now Gail🌸